Who am I?
Hmmm that’s a really good question. When I figure that out I will let you know. (maybe in 20 or 30 more years?) I can however, share some of my characteristics and experiences with you.
I am 44 years old. I think? I was born in 1973, it’s currently 2017, yes that makes me 44. I have two strong, independent, intelligent, and beautiful biological daughters in their 20’s, that are in happy and healthy relationships, but I honestly, can’t keep track of the number of people, both young and old that have “adopted” me over the years, or that I have taken in. I will comment on that more at another time.
On the Outside
This week, and for most of my life, I have blonde hair. (Well mostly blonde.) The upper layers are blonde and grey, while the lower layers are a mixture of brown and black. I have, however; had Crayon Red, Jet Black, and various other haircolors. I weigh 151.3lbs and I’m 5’6”. I currently have no broken bones, but it is early in the day and you never know what wall might jump in front of me, or imaginary obstacle I will trip on. I have lots of scars, some stretch marks, and a few tattoos. I have terrible balance, and gait. Basically, I look like I am drunk when I walk, and like a cat that is being forced into a tub when I am just trying to stand still.
On the Inside
If I had to choose just one word, it would be empathetic. Thankfully, I don’t have to choose just one word because the next word would be indecisive. When it comes to my life, I am my own worst enemy. I often lack self- confidence, patience, and always play devil’s advocate overthinking EVERYTHING. When it comes to other people though, I am very optimistic, always trying to find the good in others, and reminding them that things could always be worse.
I had my oldest daughter 6 days after I turned 18. I worked 3 jobs while putting myself through college. I had my youngest daughter 7 days after I turned 24 , both of which I raised as a single parent for most of their lives. Fortunately, I also had an enormous amount of support from my parents. For my 26th Birthday, I was “blessed/ cursed” with Multiple Sclerosis. Shortly after that, I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer and had a hysterectomy. As of a year ago, I have had 38 surgeries/procedures requiring anesthesia. I have been married and divorced. I am no longer able to work outside of my home since I am now a professional patient.
Also “on the books” somewhere it says I have: Gastroparesis, a Hiatal Hernia, Von Willebrand’s disease, Bladder and Bowel Incontinence, Panic Attacks, and Osteopenia. Oh yeah and I have also been diagnosed with Depression, and later Bipolar Depression. Hmmmm I have to wonder here, did the chicken or the egg come first?
In spite of all of the “labels” I have been given, I still wake up every day and try to make the most of it.