I will NOT be winning the “Mother of the Year” Award this year. Before you read please note that no children or animals were actually injured during the making or telling of this story….. I’m just a Dumbass?
Apparently this is a true story, but I have no recollection of the story or leaving her at the store.
How this was brought to my attention:
The other evening my youngest daughter (THING 2) and her boyfriend came over for dinner. I don’t know why our dinner conversations always turn into a “Let’s roast Grace” night, but they do. I am completely ok with that though, since it is cheaper than sending everyone to counseling, and I’m usually very good at laughing at myself.
Halfway through the meal, for some reason
Thing 2 says ” Well I can tell you one thing for sure, when I am a parent, I WILL NEVER leave my daughter at Walmart.”
Grace: I didn’t leave you at Walmart. I told you to get out of the car because you were being a monster and I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I let you out, and drove to the back of the parking lot.
Thing 2 : No mom, we were in the store and you walked outside and moved the car to make me think you left me there.
Grace: What are you talking about THING 2 ?!?!? I didn’t even go in the store with you, you were being a bratty teenager so I dropped you off and said I wasn’t going in.
Thing 2: No MOTHER, I was 8 years old, and you walked out of the store leaving me there.
Grace: No way would I ever have left you. I do see me walking away if you were throwing a tantrum, but I wouldn’t have left.
Thing 2: Okay so you didn’t ACTUALLY leave me there, but you did go outside and you DID move the car.
Grace: Hmmm I don’t remember that. It is possible. But I don’t remember.
At this point Einstein and Thing 2’s boyfriend are joining in the harassment (comical, but still harassing)
Grace: Well I don’t remember that at all, but I was talking about the time when I told you to get out of the car at Walmart because you were being a bratty teenager, and I wasn’t going in the store with you.
Thing 2: shrug… You’re right I was a brat. I still am, but you still shouldn’t leave your kids at the store…and you DID leave “Thing 1” there
Grace: OMG Thing 2, What the hell are you talking about?!?!?
Einstein wants to hear when I left HIS daughter at the store
Thing 2: You went shopping with Thing 1 and left her there.
More harassing about my parenting skills from Einstein and Thing 2’s boyfriend. ( please remember that both of my girls are in their 20s now and were NOT abused as children)
Grace: Ok, quit picking on me. I HAVE NEVER LEFT MY CHILDREN IN A STORE!….
Thing 2: Yes mom you did. You WENT to the store WITH Thing 1, finished your shopping and got it the car to go home. While you were driving, Thing 1 called you and asked where you were. You told her that you were just driving home from shopping at Walmart…. you completely forgot that you had taken her with you and you LEFT HER there.
Grace: Silence…followed by NO??????…. more silence….No fricking way!
Thing 2: Do you want me to call Thing 1 to ask her?
Did I mention NO Fricking way in hell I forget that I had gone shopping with my kid, let alone EVER leave one of them at a store?!?!? Einstein and Thing 2’s boyfriend started chanting …”Do it…Do it…Call thing 1 NOW!!!!
Grace: Yes go ahead and call her. SMH…..
Thing 2 dialed the phone and put Thing 1 on speaker….
Thing 1: Hello
Thing 2: Hi thing 1, do you remember when you went shopping with mom and she left you at the store?
Thing 1: Yeah, Why?
Grace: Seriously?!?!?!? NO FUCKING WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She said “Yeah, why?” like it’s something I did all the time. Apparently, a couple years ago, we went to Walmart TOGETHER, got separated, and I didn’t think anything of it. I finished my shopping and went home. When I was halfway home she sent me a text saying “where are you” (meaning in the store) and I responded ” I just finished shopping at Walmart, and I’m on my way home”…..
Thing 1: Um Mom, did you forget that I went to Walmart with you?
I am still shaking my head about this. I honestly don’t remember the event at all, and I would think that it would be one of my bigger fuck ups. The girls have no reason to lie though. I guess I won’t be getting a mother of the year award anytime soon. 😦
Have any of you ever done something you can not possibly fathom you doing and don’t have recollection of? ( without influence of drugs or alcohol) Please share your story with me!!!!! Misery loves company….. I should add that later that same day Thing 1 sent me this meme….