Better than I was yesterday

I overthink!…. it’s true.  I OVERTHINK about EVERYTHING ALL the time!!!  So much so that I get lost in my brain playing devil’s advocate, trying to make sure I am seeing all sides of a situation.  I was in a funk this morning and couldn’t shake it,  I didn’t even have a known reason.  Then I turned on the camera, and started talking to myself.  I did a “brain dump”.

After making this video, before actually uploading it, I called a very wise, honest new friend of mine and asked him to help me “get out of my head”.  I felt like he listened to me ramble without judgment, and then I listened to him.  He gives good advice! Lots of advice, but good advice.  Thank you for that “Superman”!!!!

Anyway the moral of all of this, is that I want to be a better person.  I’m not saying that I am a bad person, but I want to be better than I was yesterday.  Sometimes I really hate that I overthink everything, but maybe its the overthinking that will get me there?

What started all of this…. I belong to many Facebook groups for people dealing with Chronic Illness, more specifically Multiple Sclerosis.  Yesterday in one of the groups someone posted a picture of a “nasty note” that was left on their car, saying something to the effect of “you don’t look sick, why are you taking a spot that someone who is sick needs?”  The note was much more harsh than that, but I think you get my point?  Anyway, the person posted the picture of the note saying, “because people suck”.  I assume she was hurt and just wanted to vent, and was looking for support.  Ok I get it…kind of….  What I don’t get though is why of the 409 emoji’s and comments that followed on the thread, I was one of the few that simply replied, “I am sorry that happened to you”.  People started sharing their own stories about how much people suck and the cocky comments they respond to people with like, “Well maybe I don’t look sick, but you don’t look stupid!”  (no offense, but after saying that and “showing your ass” to me, you kind of do)  Why does one wrong make a right?  Someone said or did something to hurt you and it’s automatically ok to hurt them back?!?!??!  I don’t get it.  Why not be better than them?  Why not be stronger than them?

What really set me off about the thread of comments, was one woman talking about how her 9 year old “told off” someone that confronted her when she was questioned for parking in the handicap spot.  Seriously?!~?~!?  Why didn’t she pull her child aside and say, “Some people just don’t get it”?  Why didn’t she take this as a learning opportunity for her child to NOT Be judgmental and filled with hate?  Why did no one in this thread, suggest that to her?  I chose not to comment on the thread further because I realize that I will not “fix” everyone.  Honestly, I don’t have the time or energy for that.  But I also know that I don’t want to feed into that either.

In the 20 years that I have lived with MS, and however many years I have used a handicap parking placard, I have been confronted numerous times both verbally and in writing that I don’t LOOK disabled. Shrug…. Ok?  Do you feel better after saying that to me?  I literally just shrug and walk away.  Sometimes I TRY to smile first, sometimes I don’t.  Again….SHRUG.  Occasionally, I will attempt to educate someone that not all disabilities are visible, but most of the time I smh and walk away.

People wonder why their is so much hate and anger in the world, yet they feed into it themselves.  I know that I will be confronted again, I can not control that, but I can control how I react to it. I CAN BE A BETTER ME!!!!

Here is another link to the video of my “brain dump” if you would care to watch.

Thank you again to “superman” for letting me unload this morning!.  Treadmill time.  Busy Busy weekend here.  I hope everyone is able to stay warm this weekend 🙂

The Morning After….”THE VIDEO”

Yesterday, I posted a video I did as a self challenge to put myself out there and face something I was terrified of.  I didn’t watch the video again until today and this morning “Pre-coffee” I made another one after I finished watching the first one.

For anyone wondering “Pre-coffee” should have a clinical definition and be categorized as some other kind of disease.  ( At least for me it is)  I am not a doctor, so I won’t attempt a clinical definition….. but picture this….

Or check out other pins I have collected .  If you have any to share, please add them too!!…But I digress….I wanted to share some things I have learned both about myself, and about making a video, just from doing that ONE VIDEO….. Caution though…the following video was made PRE-COFFEE. (ok while having the first cup or I wouldn’t have been able to turn on my computer)  But as usual I digress…

Here is my second video if you want to see

Other things I learned from making the video:

  1.  How to upload a video
  2. I really DO NOT Enunciate ( which is why I attempted to add captions) to this one… not perfect, it’s alot of work, but yah I learned something new.
  3. I HATE  the way I LOOK and SOUND precoffee
  4. My goofy first video encouraged someone that I consider a VERY SUCCESSFUL blogger to try something she has been putting off…. DOUBLE WIN!!!!
  5. I’m gonna keep “doing me”.  I know that If I did this or that when making a video, it would be more successful, but baby steps for now.
  6. Drink coffee before EVER attempting to blog or video

Ok Now I’m just rambling…. Thank you again to everyone that is following me on this adventure!!!! I am really enjoying it and learning lots of new things!!!!!

 

 

 

 

Feel the Fear and DO IT ANYWAY!!!!

Two months ago, I decided to start a blog…this entire post is about my experiences in the last two months as I have challenged myself to step out of my comfort zone.  (kind of like a roller coaster ride)

Today’s personal challenge was to make an unedited video and post it.  TBH,  I have been thinking about it for about a month now, and talking myself out of it for one reason or another……. but I finally jumped and did it.

Before you watch the video, if you choose to, let me again state that there is no real point to the video, except that I needed to challenge myself to do something I was afraid of and I did it and it didn’t kill me…..YET.… my stomach is still in knots….

I began my blog/ website (whatever the technical term is about 2 months ago.)  I originally had thoughts about writing about Multiple Sclerosis, but what did I want to write about?  That it sucks?  Yes it does!  Ok, so not that….

How do you make the most of your life in spite of having MS?   Better…maybe.   So I decided to start there.  Please keep in mind, I also just jumped into the blog thing.  I had never heard of wordpress, and while I have taken a couple classes in html programming, I have never put my knowledge into practice.  I created an account on wordpress.com, paid $8.00 a month upfront for a year and then my mind went completely blank.  Oh shit now what?  This was my first blog post. 

I laughed so hard that day.  I was proud of myself for FINALLY taking that first step.  It just felt good.  I  spent the next couple of weeks writing SOMETHING almost everyday, but I could never focus on just one subject, some posts were about MS, some were technology struggles as I continued to dig into blogging concepts, some were just random rants about life.

After being in the blogging world for about a month, I realized that what I was actually trying to do is to Put myself out there, and to connect with other people.  I have enjoyed chatting with other bloggers and hearing their struggles.  I have met other people that are living with autoimmune disorders and chronic illnesses, and learned how they deal with life on a day to day basis.  I’ve made new friendships with “millennials”, and I have learned alot about myself in the process.  Most importantly, I have learned that I want to learn everything about everything, and I need to slow down a bit.

I still don’t have a topic to blog about, or a niche, other than reaching out to people, talking about my life, and learning about others.  If any of that sounds cool to you, say hello, let’s talk and get to know each other.  I’ve put myself out there, as scary as it was, so now it’s your turn.  I don’t mean hey let’s talk on the phone everyday or anything, but I mean let’s talk…really talk about any and everything….ok well maybe not anything, but maybe you get my point…..

Ok so now for the infamous, Link to COMPLETELY POINTLESS FIRST VIDEO

Again, posting this was a personal challenge for me.  I can already think of 5,000 things I could have or should have done.  But there it is…..