Better than I was yesterday

I overthink it’s true.  I overthink about everything ALL the time!!!  So much so that I get lost in my brain playing devil’s advocate, trying to make sure I am seeing all sides of a situation.  I was in a funk this morning and couldn’t shake it,  I didn’t even have a known reason.  Then I turned on the camera, and started talking to myself.  I did a “brain dump”.

After making this video, before actually uploading it, I called a very wise, honest new friend of mine and asked him to help me “get out of my head”.  I felt like he listened to me ramble without judgment, and then I listened to him.  He gives good advice! Lots of advice, but good advice.  Thank you for that “Superman”!!!!

Anyway the moral of all of this, is that I want to be a better person.  I’m not saying that I am a bad person, but I want to be better than I was yesterday.  Sometimes I really hate that I overthink everything, but maybe its the overthinking that will get me there?

What started all of this…. I belong to many Facebook groups for people dealing with Chronic Illness, more specifically Multiple Sclerosis.  Yesterday in one of the groups someone posted a picture of a “nasty note” that was left on their car, saying something to the effect of “you don’t look sick, why are you taking a spot that someone who is sick needs?”  The note was much more harsh than that, but I think you get my point?  Anyway, the person posted the picture of the note saying, “because people suck”.  I assume she was hurt and just wanted to vent, and was looking for support.  Ok I get it…kind of….  What I don’t get though is why of the 409 emoji’s and comments that followed on the thread, I was one of the few that simply replied, “I am sorry that happened to you”.  People started sharing their own stories about how much people suck and the cocky comments they respond to people with like, “Well maybe I don’t look sick, but you don’t look stupid!”  (no offense, but after saying that and “showing your ass” to me, you kind of do)  Why does one wrong make a right?  Someone said or did something to hurt you and it’s automatically ok to hurt them back?!?!??!  I don’t get it.  Why not be better than them?  Why not be stronger than them?

What really set me off about the thread of comments, was one woman talking about how her 9 year old “told off” someone that confronted her when she was questioned for parking in the handicap spot.  Seriously?!~?~!?  Why didn’t she pull her child aside and say, “Some people just don’t get it”?  Why didn’t she take this as a learning opportunity for her child to NOT Be judgmental and filled with hate?  Why did no one in this thread, suggest that to her?  I chose not to comment on the thread further because I realize that I will not “fix” everyone.  Honestly, I don’t have the time or energy for that.  But I also know that I don’t want to feed into that either.

In the 20 years that I have lived with MS, and however many years I have used a handicap parking placard, I have been confronted numerous times both verbally and in writing that I don’t LOOK disabled. Shrug…. Ok?  Do you feel better after saying that to me?  I literally just shrug and walk away.  Sometimes I TRY to smile first, sometimes I don’t.  Again….SHRUG.  Occasionally, I will attempt to educate someone that not all disabilities are visible, but most of the time I smh and walk away.

People wonder why their is so much hate and anger in the world, yet they feed into it themselves.  I know that I will be confronted again, I can not control that, but I can control how I react to it. I CAN BE A BETTER ME!!!!

Here is another link to the video of my “brain dump” if you would care to watch.

Thank you again to “superman” for letting me unload this morning!.  Treadmill time.  Busy Busy weekend here.  I hope everyone is able to stay warm this weekend 🙂

31 comments

  1. My friend, the fact that your angst was over doing and teaching the right thing you showed the true definition of humanity, a genuine effort to make people better. You can’t change the world but you can cause a ripple of change every time you confront it instead of reacting to it

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  2. People find it hard to control themselves when they are endangered or offended. I incidentally ‘offended’ a blogger once. I basically tried to comfort her and give her advice but there’s been a misunderstanding and somehow she found herself offended. She got back to me with the worst kind of language imaginable, saying things like-how dare you, who gave you the right, do you have any idea what I’m going through and so on…The difference between us is that I ‘offended’ her incidentally whereas she did it quite intentionally. I even apologized, explaining it wasn’t my attention, and how it wasn’t clear from her post what hardships she was experiencing. I couldn’t shake the bad feeling for weeks, even questioning the whole blogging thing.
    One more thing, what you said ‘not all disabilities are visible’, this is so true. If you explain it to people (though in situations like these, we’re angry and uncompromising ourselves), maybe they can at least try to understand. I was struggling once, it’s a long story, I’ll share it one day and got the same kind of reaction every time when I’d go into the restroom for the disabled.
    People are stressed out and find the weakest to vent to. Pathetic.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. But don’t people “get” that they struggle with controlling themselves? How hard is it to not speak until you have sorted out your feelings? Or that you can’t take back nasty things you say…smh did I mention, I am so glad to have met you? 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Love, love, love this!!!!! I saw it too and may have commented that I was sorry she went through that. I’m not sure though as yesterday and today are foggy days for me. I do have to say reading this made me want to be a better person. You’re a good heart and others can learn from it. My usual response when I’m questioned about my handicap placard is usually flipping the bird or an F/U. I usually excuse my bad behavior by saying I grew up in Brooklyn. This is NOT a valid excuse. I too can learn from your example

    Liked by 1 person

  4. People are weirdly controlling, and I think all of this shit comes from a scarcity complex. They hate to think of someone getting something unfairly, even if thats a handicap parking space. I saw a woman shoplifting in the grocery store the other day and my friend who was with me was like ” oh my god, should we find a manager?” and I was like ” fuck no, this is Target, and that’s none of my business.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. heh I probably would have given her “bug eyes”…. like I see you….but you’re right it’s none of my business. I do cross the line though when it comes to defending an “underdog”, kids, pets etc…. I don’t stoop to the attackers level, but I will step in and “take the hit”

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  5. They say with maturity comes the ability to wonder why someone has chosen to hurt you instead of hurting them back. Not all people I know have fully matured! Some, never will. But we must protect our energy and nothing eats that up faster than being angry and arguing with people over every little thing. I honestly believe we need to beware of energy vampires. I have told off people before, but I never feel very good about it after… but someone is mean to a child or animal… they get “KimTime” full force, beware of flying adverbs!~Kim

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  6. I LOVE this post SO much! YES, YES, YES. I am with you 100%. My goal in life is always to respond not react. When I go to bed at night, I want to be proud of every choice I made that day and the words that came out of my mouth. I think that if you react with anger or hurtful words, you are actually the one who hurts because of it. There are shitty people in this world, always will be, but doesn’t mean you have to be one of them. You are fantastic…really really LOVE this post!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hello. I found you through Superman; I was so impressed with his blog I opened a tab for ALL of his (consistent) commenters – I figure a good writer attracts other good writers.
    I like this post but I suspected I would from Superman’s post about your post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. TYSM!…. he really is a GREAT guy! I won’t claim to be a good writer, but his passion and honesty definitely attracts and pulls you in. Thank you for your compliment, and for following me, I will head over to check out your blog too ( AFTER this crazy busy weekend)… Have a great one! 🙂

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  8. As always, I absolutely LOVED this post!! You are so right in everything you said! I always want to proud of how I react to people and the way I respond to others needs to always show strength and respect! I think it is important to think about what you say before the words leave your mouth because they can not be erased! You are one amazing woman!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. My first thought was that I don’t think there’s a blanket response. Everyone is different and every instance would have to be handled accordingly but when dealing with people who are literally picking on disabled people one might not overly engage. To question a placard holder says more about the person than the holder. In other words some people are just so angry but no need to join them there. And my second thought is that my son is ferociously protective of me and there isn’t much I can do or say to stop him in the moment. I think children sense a weakness when their parents are ill and they become codependent- ish. I would never condone my son being rude to another person but sometimes the mouths of babes are hard to contain. Having said that though…I totally agree with you, teach children to be kind humans. My son is compassionate, sweet, kind, polite, and respectful but he would also fight wild tigers for me.

    The world has gotten very angry. The less we know our neighbors it seems the less we care about how our words affect them. Nobody has questioned my placard yet so I’m just spouting some armchair opinions but thought I’d put them out there anyway. Hoping the post and the video have helped sooth your soul.🌸

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    1. I feel much better after “dumping my thoughts” out there. I don’t have the answers, but talking with everyone here has also helped me not agree with the anger, but to understand it, if that makes any sense. I totally get WANTING to stick up for your parents, I just hope that there was some follow up on that mother’s part as well. What if the 9 year old attacked that person and that person pulled out a gun? Everyone is so judgment, and I don’t think it’s good to teach or spread hate. FTR, I LOVE your armchair opinions, but even if we don’t agree on things Mishka, I will always respect your right to have your own opinion. Who’s to say that my opinions are right? They are just opinions 🙂 Thank you for commenting!….

      Liked by 1 person

  10. “People wonder why there is so much hate and anger in the world, yet they feed into it themselves.” …EXACTLY my thoughts! … Unfortunately, this has happened to me as well. Cystic Fibrosis can be “invisible” Many do not understand what it is, so their ignorance clearly shines. Just because you’re not in a wheelchair doesn’t mean you are not disabled.

    Liked by 1 person

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