Better than I was yesterday

I overthink!…. it’s true.  I OVERTHINK about EVERYTHING ALL the time!!!  So much so that I get lost in my brain playing devil’s advocate, trying to make sure I am seeing all sides of a situation.  I was in a funk this morning and couldn’t shake it,  I didn’t even have a known reason.  Then I turned on the camera, and started talking to myself.  I did a “brain dump”.

After making this video, before actually uploading it, I called a very wise, honest new friend of mine and asked him to help me “get out of my head”.  I felt like he listened to me ramble without judgment, and then I listened to him.  He gives good advice! Lots of advice, but good advice.  Thank you for that “Superman”!!!!

Anyway the moral of all of this, is that I want to be a better person.  I’m not saying that I am a bad person, but I want to be better than I was yesterday.  Sometimes I really hate that I overthink everything, but maybe its the overthinking that will get me there?

What started all of this…. I belong to many Facebook groups for people dealing with Chronic Illness, more specifically Multiple Sclerosis.  Yesterday in one of the groups someone posted a picture of a “nasty note” that was left on their car, saying something to the effect of “you don’t look sick, why are you taking a spot that someone who is sick needs?”  The note was much more harsh than that, but I think you get my point?  Anyway, the person posted the picture of the note saying, “because people suck”.  I assume she was hurt and just wanted to vent, and was looking for support.  Ok I get it…kind of….  What I don’t get though is why of the 409 emoji’s and comments that followed on the thread, I was one of the few that simply replied, “I am sorry that happened to you”.  People started sharing their own stories about how much people suck and the cocky comments they respond to people with like, “Well maybe I don’t look sick, but you don’t look stupid!”  (no offense, but after saying that and “showing your ass” to me, you kind of do)  Why does one wrong make a right?  Someone said or did something to hurt you and it’s automatically ok to hurt them back?!?!??!  I don’t get it.  Why not be better than them?  Why not be stronger than them?

What really set me off about the thread of comments, was one woman talking about how her 9 year old “told off” someone that confronted her when she was questioned for parking in the handicap spot.  Seriously?!~?~!?  Why didn’t she pull her child aside and say, “Some people just don’t get it”?  Why didn’t she take this as a learning opportunity for her child to NOT Be judgmental and filled with hate?  Why did no one in this thread, suggest that to her?  I chose not to comment on the thread further because I realize that I will not “fix” everyone.  Honestly, I don’t have the time or energy for that.  But I also know that I don’t want to feed into that either.

In the 20 years that I have lived with MS, and however many years I have used a handicap parking placard, I have been confronted numerous times both verbally and in writing that I don’t LOOK disabled. Shrug…. Ok?  Do you feel better after saying that to me?  I literally just shrug and walk away.  Sometimes I TRY to smile first, sometimes I don’t.  Again….SHRUG.  Occasionally, I will attempt to educate someone that not all disabilities are visible, but most of the time I smh and walk away.

People wonder why their is so much hate and anger in the world, yet they feed into it themselves.  I know that I will be confronted again, I can not control that, but I can control how I react to it. I CAN BE A BETTER ME!!!!

Here is another link to the video of my “brain dump” if you would care to watch.

Thank you again to “superman” for letting me unload this morning!.  Treadmill time.  Busy Busy weekend here.  I hope everyone is able to stay warm this weekend 🙂

It’s 2018 WHO still talks on the phone?

I do!!!!…… but apparently I am one of few

Several months ago, I started a blog about why I talk on the phone or use Skype instead of texting.  The reason I had started to write about this subject is because I am always reaching out to new people, trying to get to know them, and my preferred method is IN PERSON.  BUT, since most of the people I have reached out to live halfway around the world, or at least several states away, the likeliness of that happening at this point are slim to none,  so……I ask to talk on the phone or to Skype.

To be honest, 80% of people I have asked to TALK to have turned me down for one reason or another.  In the beginning that hurt a bit, but as it happened more and more I realized that apparently it’s just not what people do.  Ok lesson learned.  Well kind of…… I have actually learned SEVERAL things

  1.  I am NOT “most people”.
  2. Face to face communication or at least voice to voice, IS MY preferred method of communication
  3. Just as people have their reasons for not wanting to talk on the phone, I have my reasons for wanting to.  It’s ok to disagree.  That’s what makes people different.
  4. I am completely ok with “No” as a response.  You don’t need to provide me with any explanation, if you are not comfortable with it you are not.  COMPLETELY FINE!!! 🙂

Before I continue though…..To anyone that I have tried to connect with that has told me no, I apologize if I made you uncomfortable, it was never my intention.  My intention was to get to know you better, in the only way I know how.

The reason I am FINALLY posting this is because I recently asked someone that I admire or respect to talk on the phone with me.  (Ok I suggested it numerous times.)  The final response I got was, “It’s 2017, who talks on the phone anymore.” and it kind of hurt. But after I put a band- aid on my feelings, and thought about it for a few moments and realized that they were right.  Most people Do NOT talk on the phone these days unless they absolutely have to, but I do!  and I thought it might be a good time to “explain” why.

Now to my original topic…

Why I like talking rather than texting…. (let me count the reasons)

 I rely on verbal cues and voice inflection when talking to another person.  I am very perceptive at picking up anger, boredom, sadness, and joy from the sound of someone’s voice.  I’m even better at reading facial cues….usually.  I just don’t get that from texting.  A great example…… a few weeks ago, my oldest daughter sent me a message on FB messenger asking, “So if we go to ‘fiancee’s’ family’s (out of state) for xmas this year do you want to do dinner another time?”  I was seeing her a couple days later, and responded “Let’s talk about it Friday, but yeah if you want to go, GO”. She responded, “Ok”.  An hour later, another message came through, “Are you mad or busy?”, she asked. GRRR fucking texting.  We were using messenger and she would know that I had seen the message,  if I didn’t respond she would automatically assume I was mad. So I shot back, “lol sorry kiddo buy”.  I meant to say/ type, “Sorry kiddo, I’m busy”, but I had my mother’s dog on my lap and I WAS busy”. busy with kona Oh great, now I mistyped something.  Was she going to think I said Buy (bye) instead of busy, because I was mad instead of really just busy?!?!?  SMH.   I stopped what I was doing, took this picture and sent the picture with the following message…. “I’m sorry kiddo, YES I AM VERY BUSY.  I am helping Nana with her laptop, Papa with his computer, and I have their new puppy on my lap.  Let’s talk on your lunch or on Friday”.

When we talked later on her lunch , I was able to repeat what I had originally texted to her “Let’s talk about it Friday, but yeah if you want to go, GO” with the inflection in my voice and she got it instantly.

With just those same short words coming out of my mouth (instead of my fingers) she understood that I sincerely wanted her to be happy more than anything else.  It would not bother me in the least. She knew that “I got” the fact that now that she was getting married, I would have to “share her”. I was even able to let her know that I appreciated her thinking about my “emotional well-being” ( remember my Thanksgiving was terrible)….. So misunderstanding or miscommunication is my first reason.

Another reason is because I am just not good at it. thumb surgeryPhysically not good at it.  Both of my hands are numb, so I drop the phone all the time.  I have had bones taken out of my both of my thumbs, and as a result they are VERY weak, so texting just sucks. I literally do not have the strength to cut my own nails.  😦

Ok so TRY talk and type, or speech to text?  ROFLMAO… been there done that.  To this day whenever I SAY “I LOVE YOU” to my children it is translated “I LIVE YOU”.  I have many more examples, but they really should have their own blog post.  When asking for help with this, my kids said, “Well mom, you have to enunciate better”.  I tried that, the phone typed E9C8…..so I give up. smh

Another reason is because I spend an ENORMOUS amount of time in my car.  Texting, facebooking, etc while driving is dangerous as hell (not to mention illegal, but since I have a lead foot problem we will stick with the dangerous part  :P) so except for the occasional “I’m sitting at a stop light text” , texting is not something I do while driving.

I think the final reason I still talk on the phone is, that it is my way of showing respect or genuine interest it what someone has to say.  ( I’m also weird in the way that I still make eye contact with people when I talk to them, although sometimes it is very hard)

So, if I ask YOU to talk on the phone or Skype, and you are not comfortable, please just say “No, I would rather not.”  Ok Cool!…No judgments opinions etc.  No means no, and I’m cool with that….