MS Cog Fog, Slump Week, and Grieving

2 coffee makers

Have you ever had a night out drinking and then next morning “replayed” the events from the previous evening in your head? You try to fit the pieces and events together but you know you are missing parts…Everything is a little blurry…. I am doing that now, but not because I was drinking…. I wasn’t.  No xanax, or other mind numbing medications.  But the “blur” is there.

I don’t know which one is to blame, or if its a combination of all three, but I can tell you it was rough, and maybe a little dangerous.  That was yesterday, I’m hoping that I am better prepared for it today.  I have identified the problem, now I want to ‘laugh’ at it and try to prepare for today a little better. (plan for the worst, hope for the best?)

My new coffee makers ( yes two of them) arrived yesterday, and as I sit here drinking my 3rd espresso, I would like to review yesterdays events.  YAH COFFEE!!!! but more about that later.

I remember being woken up at 5 am to take Einstein to work.  I know that I walked on the treadmill at some point.  I remember thinking no workout today because my arms and abs still hurt from the abuse I had given them the day before.  (I think I only ‘remember’ that because they still hurt today….doh!)  I also know that I was on wordpress and facebook a bit, because the notifications and time stamps tell me that I was.  (I honestly don’t remember though)  Did I mention I wasn’t drinking?!?!?
I went to Aldi’s yesterday to buy eggs.  Only eggs.  This I do remember because I had a long discussion with myself that I didn’t need to use a cart for balance, I was only getting one thing and I COULD do this!… I make it to the back of the store, grabbed two dozen eggs, cradled them in my arm like a baby, and made my way to the checkout where I just stood.  I never put the eggs on the belt.  I stood there having the meaningless conversation with the cashier, “Hi, how are you?” etc.  The problem is I stood there for 5 mins, just holding the eggs.  “Oh Shit, I should probably give these to you huh?” I asked.  He smiled and said, “Nope I got you, $2.12.”  I remember that too.  I remember the price of the eggs, but I don’t remember driving home, putting them away etc.

At One O’clock this heavy cloud/weight settled on me.  I felt like I was going to pass out.  Not because I couldn’t breathe panic attack style.  I just couldn’t….. anything.  Well that sucks… I needed to pick Einstein up from work in a couple hours.  MORE COFFEE!!!! Fold the laundry? Somehow you must stay vertical!!!!  Yeah that didn’t happen.  I passed out, sitting up folding laundry.  I woke up 2 hours later to the sound of the 4th call from Einstein….”Did you forget me?!?!?”

OMG!!!!  YES I did!, I mean NO!…oh shit…. Sorry, I fell asleep…… I’m coming!!! I went to the bathroom, tripped over the coffee table, put my shoes on and ran out the door.  ARGH… I don’t take naps, I am NEVER late, in fact, if I am not 15 minutes early people begin to worry……smh

While I didn’t HURT myself or anyone else yesterday, I wasn’t there.  (Although, I did almost hit Einstein with my car for the 3rd time in his life.)  Yes I did just say that I hit him with my car 2 times, once WAS intentional the other I claim is his fault.  ( If you remind me, I will tell you about it in a couple weeks, it’s not a horror story, and it’s something we all laugh about, NOW)

So TODAY, I am prepared for the worst.  Einstein took my car to work, so I don’t have to leave the house until visitation tonight.  My only plan is enjoy my new coffee maker, and just be.  I am giving myself the gift of no expectations until this evening.  When all I have to do is show up.  My girls are going to the funeral home with me.  My parents are meeting us for dinner afterwards, and then I am coming home.  No lists today!

Tomorrow, or next week, or even a week after that ( Yah Tysabri on the First) I will make another to do list, but for now, for today…. I will just be…..

While I am here though, I want to thank everyone for letting me share my pain and memory with you the other day.  Thank you for your presence, support, and kind words!!!!

 

 

 

Not winning the mother of the year award

I will NOT be winning the “Mother of the Year” Award this year.  Before you read please note that no children or animals were actually injured during the making or telling of this story….. I’m just a Dumbass?

Apparently this is a true story, but I have no recollection of the story or leaving her at the store.

How this was brought to my attention:

The other evening my youngest daughter (THING 2) and her boyfriend came over for dinner.  I don’t know why our dinner conversations always turn into a “Let’s roast Grace” night, but they do.  I am completely ok with that though, since it is cheaper than sending everyone to counseling, and I’m usually very good at laughing at myself.

Halfway through the meal, for some reason

Thing 2 says ” Well I can tell you one thing for sure, when I am a parent, I WILL NEVER leave my daughter at Walmart.”

Grace:  I didn’t leave you at Walmart. I told you to get out of the car because you were being a monster and I couldn’t deal with it anymore.  I let you out, and drove to the back of the parking lot.

Thing 2 :  No mom, we were in the store and you walked outside and moved the car to make me think you left me there.

Grace:  What are you talking about THING 2 ?!?!?  I didn’t even go in the store with you, you were being a bratty teenager so I dropped you off and said I wasn’t going in.

Thing 2:  No MOTHER, I was 8 years old, and you walked out of the store leaving me there.

Grace:  No way would I ever have left you.  I do see me walking away if you were throwing a tantrum, but I wouldn’t have left.

Thing 2:  Okay so you didn’t ACTUALLY leave me there, but you did go outside and you DID move the car.

Grace:  Hmmm I don’t remember that.  It is possible.  But I don’t remember.

At this point Einstein and Thing 2’s boyfriend are joining in the harassment (comical, but still harassing)

Grace:  Well I don’t remember that at all, but I was talking about the time when I told you to get out of the car at Walmart because you were being a bratty teenager, and I wasn’t going in the store with you.

Thing 2:  shrug… You’re right I was a brat.  I still am, but you still shouldn’t leave your kids at the store…and you DID leave “Thing 1” there

Grace:  OMG Thing 2, What the hell are you talking about?!?!? 

Einstein wants to hear when I left HIS daughter at the store

Thing 2:  You went shopping with Thing 1 and left her there.

More harassing about my parenting skills from Einstein and Thing 2’s boyfriend.  ( please remember that both of my girls are in their 20s now and were NOT abused as children)

Grace:  Ok, quit picking on me.  I HAVE NEVER LEFT MY CHILDREN IN A STORE!….

Thing 2:  Yes mom you did.  You WENT to the store WITH Thing 1, finished your shopping and got it the car to go home.  While you were driving, Thing 1 called you and asked where you were.  You told her that you were just driving home from shopping at Walmart…. you completely forgot that you had taken her with you and you LEFT HER there.

Grace: Silence…followed by NO??????…. more silence….No fricking way!

Thing 2:  Do you want me to call Thing 1 to ask her?

Did I mention NO Fricking way in hell I forget that I had gone shopping with my kid, let alone EVER leave one of them at a store?!?!?  Einstein and Thing 2’s boyfriend started chanting …”Do it…Do it…Call thing 1 NOW!!!!

Grace:  Yes go ahead and call her.  SMH…..

Thing 2 dialed the phone and put Thing 1 on speaker….

Thing 1: Hello

Thing 2: Hi thing 1, do you remember when you went shopping with mom and she left you at the store?

Thing 1: Yeah, Why?

Grace: Seriously?!?!?!?  NO FUCKING WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She said “Yeah, why?” like it’s something I did all the time.  Apparently, a couple years ago, we went to Walmart TOGETHER, got separated, and I didn’t think anything of it.  I finished my shopping and went home.  When I was halfway home she sent me a text saying “where are you” (meaning in the store) and I responded ” I just finished shopping at Walmart, and I’m on my way home”…..

Thing 1:  Um Mom, did you forget that I went to Walmart with you?

I am still shaking my head about this.  I honestly don’t remember the event at all, and I would think that it would be one of my bigger fuck ups.  The girls have no reason to lie though.  I guess I won’t be getting a mother of the year award anytime soon.  😦

Have any of you ever done something you can not possibly fathom you doing and don’t have recollection of? ( without influence of drugs or alcohol)  Please share your story with me!!!!!  Misery loves company….. I should add that later that same day Thing 1 sent me this meme….different mom