It’s almost been a year

Sometimes it’s important to look at where you have been to remind yourself that you are going places, or to reassure yourself that you are moving in the “right direction”.  This month is the one year anniversary of my blog, so I decided to spend some time reminiscing, not just about the contents of MY blog, but my entire blogging experience including the road blocks or problems that I created for myself.  Who knew the experience would prove to be so rewarding?

I officially created my blog on September 30, 2017.  In my first post, called “First Blog Post”, (I know how original right?) I attempted to explain what I was doing here.  The goals for my blog etc.

Over the next week or so, I read any and everything that I could find about how to set up a blog (yes I now realize that MAYBE I should have done that first?!?!?)  I read about copyright laws for photos, SEO, tried to understand backlinks etc.  It really was NOT fun, and I ended each day with a migraine and a few of those days in tears.  I started comparing my itty bitty baby blog to others thinking there was no way in hell I would ever measure up.  But then I asked myself who was I competing with…. The answer was NO ONE but myself.  I was at a turning point in my life and I didn’t know which direction I wanted to go next.  The context of the next page I made is here under Disclaimer.  (Now it looks nothing like the original, but the words are the same.)

During the month of October

I wrote about how and when I was diagnosed with MS, and how I decided to take the disease modifying drug that I am on.  I have never been much of a writer, now talker on the other hand…., so I had NO IDEA how therapeutic writing could be.  I couldn’t believe how much lighter my shoulders felt after “dumping it all out there.”  I joined every facebook group I could find for Multiple Sclerosis and Tysabri.  I wanted to help everyone, and be friends with everyone.

During the month of November

Looking back, I can tell you that is the single biggest MISTAKE, that I have made on my journey.  I now realize I don’t want to spend my time with negative people!!!! As if dealing with MS isn’t enough, mean people suck!  They literally suck the energy right out of you!  I felt like I had run head first into a brick wall.  I had spent so much time “friending” everyone that I neglected to be selective in the process.  Even though, I had “met” and was still friends with some good people, I had let myself get sucked into a world of bitchy, whiny, sniveling people in Facebook groups.  UGH!!!!!  (Like I want to be sick ugh)  People would complain that they were lonely and needed friends, yet didn’t want to do the work.  Others would ask for help with an MS symptom, and when I would try to offer advice I literally got “yelled at” because I offended someone by being unsympathetic or condescending.  SERIOUSLY?!?! I spent the rest of the month doing more soul searching.  I spent less time in the FB groups, and more time seeking out positive people to spend my time with. I created an Instagram and a Twitter account, adding actually learning how to use them to my “to do list”.

The Month of December

I still had a “bad taste in my mouth” from all the cynical people from the Facebook Groups, so I spent less time there, and more time on WordPress.  I began sharing what I thought were “funny events” in my life with my posts about Renaming my children and Not winning the mother of the Year Award.  I pushed myself to see the positive in every negative situation that came up.  In the process, I made some great friends.  The kind that inspire you to be the best you.  The kind that make you laugh, and are honest enough with you to tell you when you are being a dumbass.  This is where I wanted to be!

In January 2018

It seemed like Everyone posted about new year’s resolutions.  I didn’t have anything to say about that.  I don’t make NY resolutions, for me it’s an everyday all the time “self check”.  “Was I being the best ME that I could be?”  “Would I be able to look at myself in the mirror in the morning if I had let the toxic thoughts that sometimes invaded my mind come out of my mouth?”  NO I WOULDN’T.   I felt that I was doing ok there, so I skipped the New Year’s resolutions lists.

When I originally started writing this, I was going to go month by month and talk about my experiences, but I am at 818 words already and since I usually lose interest around this time when I am reading a blog, I feel I should stop.  I feel that I have been in survival mode for most of 2018, and I think it will be healthy for me to spend more time looking at where I have been this year, before deciding what my next steps are.  Surprisingly for me I have made 148 post to date, and if I am going to reread them all, I had better get started.

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

 

 

 

 

 

ADL and Toe Mice

So Thursday’s post op visit with the surgeon didn’t quite go as expected.  That isn’t to say I am disappointed with the results, it’s just that he said something  I NEVER expected to hear….. EVER….

My friend Jeri picked me up and we, well she, drove to the doctor.  My appointment was at 2:45, we where shown to a room at 3:45.  (not bad as far as orthopedic visits go)  I climb onto the table and the nurse begins asking me what my pain levels are.  This is a trick question I am sure, because if I don’t walk on it and keep it elevated, my pain is pretty low on the scale.  After I have been walking around a bit, or letting my foot hang down too long it climbs quickly.  I told the truth…. kind of… I left out the part that I had been standing alot.

Do you want more pain pills?

I quickly answered, “NO!!!!!”, and pulled out the bottle of remaining pills that I had asking if she wanted them back.  I can not stress enough, that I really don’t like the way the make me feel ( mood swings, maniac, nauseated etc.)  and I NEED to be able to feel the pain to prevent me from overdoing things.  I agreed to take Tylenol over the counter as needed.  (in my opinion, advil is better at pain relief, but since I am a bleeder and it’s a blood thinner, I will stay away for now)

I took off the boot, the nurse removed the dressing, I took a quick picture, and then looked away.  The doctor, and a student came in shortly after.  As he pulled up a chair beside me to examine the stitches, he asked, “Did your father tell you what we found?”… I replied “um no, not really, he didn’t tell me that you FOUND anything, but what he did tell me was…… “So the doctor took off your big toe, reamed holes in your foot and then your toe, they put in a stud and then screwed your big toe back on”.”  The doctor looked at the medical student and then back at me.  He said, well “Yeah, that’s basically what we did”.

After seeing the horrified look on my face, he said, “No seriously though, let me tell you what we found.”  “When I made the incision, two toe mice immediately popped out.”

ANOTHER Horrified look

“Toe Mites?”, I asked.

“No Toe Mice” he responded. and then continued,  “It’s a medical term that we use to describe what we found.”

I really wish I had a picture of my face, because I can’t find the words to describe all of the things I was feeling at this point.

“Cmon doc, PLEASE tell me the truth, I am gullible as hell and completely disgusted that I have mice?!?!?!? My next step is to cry and I promise you don’t want that”.

He put his hand on my shoulder and said, “let me explain.”  “First of all young lady, I can not believe that you were able to walk at all with the amount of damage in your foot.  You had absolutely zero cartilage in your first metatarsal joint.”  He pounded his fists together to demonstrate the bones hitting each other as I walked.  He went on to explain that because I continued walking the bones starting splitting and breaking off into fragments (or mice).  This had been happening for so long that the bones had turned into smooth marbles and kept chipping away more bone.  The combination of those conditions, my unsteady gait, and whatever I was doing to compensate in my walking caused another break.

WOW that’s a lot of information.  Crazy as hell too, but a lot to absorb.

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As I tried to process what he was saying, he re-wrapped my foot in gauze and an ace wrap before sticking it back in the boot.  While he says the incision is healing nicely, I am stuck with the stitches for another week still, but I am released to begin ADL in moderation.

ADL- Activities of Daily Living

Should be simple enough right? But for me it wasn’t….please take a minute to watch this video to understand why, especially if you don’t know me very well.

So this is what Jeri and I were doing BEFORE we saw the doctor.  I get that I can’t use my right foot, so I thought we could just throw the ball and knock the beehive down.  I didn’t realize that to get any “air” with the ball I would have to push off with……you guessed it, My foot….holy mother of……………………………

I was ready to give up, but Jeri was having fun, so I played video  ographer…..

Anyway, I’m not sure that this is considered an activity of daily living, but since I do dumb shit like this all the time, I asked for further clarification.  More specifically….

I am allowed to….

1. stand/or walk for no more than 5 minutes at a time.  to be followed by a minimum of 1/2 hour break  AND ONLY WITH THE BOOT ON

2. Take the boot off except for when walking or sleeping

3. I can resume sexual activities, so long as my toes don’t curl during orgasm (yes this was discussed)

I am not allowed to

  • Curl my toes
  • get the stitches wet
  • put any weight on my foot without the boot
  • specifically throw a ball at a bee hive
  • mow my lawn
  • go grocery shopping without a scooter
  • drive 😦

I will call that progress……though not as much as I hoped

 

 

 

Another surgery?!?!?

Hopefully the last one this year…..smh

I haven’t seen the surgeon to follow up about my foot surgery yet, so I’m not sure that I’m “done” there yet, but I FINALLY have surgery scheduled for Botox in my bladder on Friday.

The last time I had this surgery was February 9th of this year, and since it only helps relieve symptoms for about 4 months, let’s say I am WAY OVERDUE.

If you’re interested in reading more, the link to that post is here….

You’re getting Botox where?

Both the surgery and “recovery” for this one will be a piece of cake, to be honest the scheduling of it is the most difficult part.  I also hope that doctors are able to come up with some other “treatment” soon because I suspect my body will develop an intolerance or tolerance for it.  (you know when a treatment just stops working?)  and having to carry or wear a bag of pee just plain sucks.  (yes even though I have officially given it a name, it still sucks).  So YAH surgery?!??!

While I’ve got you here though, (I hope you’re still reading).  Can I tell you about my foot?  AGAIN?!?!?

First the “technical stuff”

Today marks one week post op.  I see the surgeon again on Thursday.  I have FINALLY been able to put  weight on it (with the Boot on)  AND can tolerate the pain without pills!

even upI have even been able to walk to the bathroom as long as I have the “even up” on my other shoe to help realign me, stand up straight?  I’m not sure how to explain it, but it makes my shoulders straight when standing and takes pressure off my right hip.  Win win

Since I can get to the bathroom easier now, I was able to take the foley out.  First time I am ever grateful for having such a small house.  (10 steps in one direction from my computer to the bathroom and 15 steps to my bedroom in the other direction).

I no longer have to stay in bed

Keeping my foot elevated is still important though.  I was even able to get the wheelchair out of my house by myself.  I went for a “different” kind of walk the other day, more of a roll?  While I wasn’t able to take my “normal” walk, I did make it around the entire block in the wheelchair, using my arms for a portion and my left leg for the other.  It felt great to be moving again.  I know it will still be a long time before I am able to really walk again, it was freeing to know that I can “get out” by myself…and it’s a hell of a workout to help shed the pounds from all the ice cream Jeri delivered.

Thing One and Thing Two

Although Thing 2 and her boyfriend have been helping tremendously, (Ice pack and coffee deliveries right to my bed)  it’s refreshing to be able to do it myself.  Thing 1 and her husband stopped by to check in too.  She is 5 months now and the baby bump is really there now!!!!!!  As I have said before, I’m only a LITTLE excited!!!!!!   Yah grandbabies!!!!!!

granny imageWhile having so much time to ponder, what I would like to be called,  I think I am going to hope for Mammy,  but I will write more about that later.  I do know for a fact that GRANNY just isn’t going to cut it.  I can’t hear the name without thinking of Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies….. While I do have her spunk, it’s just NOT gonna happen.

Several of you have commented the you are sorry that I am going through so much, and I really appreciate it, but please don’t feel sorry.  I have amazing friends (you included) and family, and have never felt so loved.  Even Einstein has delivered food and….shhhh cigarettes :(.  I will pick up that battle again, just not today.

Thank you all for reading and commenting.  I am sorry that I have missed so much going on in your lives, I will remedy that today.

 

 

 

Laughter is the BEST Medicine

Yesterday I let pain and confusion cloud and take over my judgment and mood.  I was so focused on what I couldn’t do that I forgot to use all the powerful tools I have at my disposal…..the biggest of which is the ability to laugh at myself.

I want to share some things with you that I hope will make you laugh, smile, or at the very least shake your head.

I wrote before about all the prep work you should do before surgery,  While I was getting groceries …….. a woman walked up to me and said, “Excuse me ma’am. I hate to tell you this, but your boots don’t match.” your boots dont match.jpg She was right.  I have no fashion sense.  It made me laugh.  Thank you random friendly stranger.  🙂

I was also racing around to make sure my house was clean, nothing to impede my movements in a wheelchair, etc.  I lost my balance, tripped, or something and came down hard ON MY GOOD leg….smh

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When I was trying to pull myself up (very difficult with the stupid boot on) I again lost my balance and hit my eye on the counter giving myself a black eye.  I swear you can’t make this shit up!!!!  I can only imagine what I looked like when I walked into the surgery center.

 

 

After surgery, when my dad was telling me what the doctor said and did, he told me and I quote, “So the doctor took off your big toe, reamed holes in your foot and then your toe, they put in a stud and then screwed your big toe back on”.  I was horrified, but I believed him. That is SO NOT what they did!!!!!  The sad thing is, when I was explaining to a couple of friends what the surgery was for, I told them exactly what my dad had said.  If they were laughing at me they didn’t let it show…..SMH….. I hope my father remembers he will be having his other shoulder replaced next year and karma is a bitch! 😛

plateBefore I continue, I THINK this is what they DID do to my foot.  Again, I won’t really know for sure until I follow up on Thursday.  I will try to take a picture also, but I have a tendency to pass out or get sick when I see or feel pain.

Ok so now let’s talk about hindsight being 20/20.  Before surgery, I wrote about “practicing” for recovery.  I went through my entire house with the wheelchair making sure it fight everywhere I would need to go.  I FORGOT that I would have a leg support on the right side of the wheelchair which adds almost 3 feet to your turning radius.  DOH!

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This has come in handy though for getting my dogs to move out of the way.  Poor things haven’t left my side since surgery.

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20180908_122505There was also this ONE time, I forgot the catheter bag was hanging under the wheelchair when I was trying to transfer back to my bed.  I only forgot ONE time, and I don’t know if I will ever find it funny, but I don’t mind if you do.

 

I’d like to share a couple more pictures, but first I need to thank everyone for all your thoughts, well wishes, moral support and encouragement, and a special thanks to my dear friend Jeri for the 4 containers of ice cream you delivered!!!!!!!

swollen

 

This picture is from this morning, and although, it looks kind of gross, the swelling has gone down tremendously from the first couple days, and I do have faith that there are better days ahead.  BABY STEPS!!! literally with my GIANT boot.

Chris and Tom commented earlier about signing my cast.  I am not that technologically oriented to figure out how, but if you can feel free…. It’s a great reminder that I am not alone 🙂

My best friend Gary virtually signed my cast from my wrist surgery a couple years ago.

tiggerifficI hope you all have a great weekend!!!!!!

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Sometimes I forget

Do you ever hear people telling you to focus on the positive and that there is something good in everything?

I HATE those people…….

           but…………….

Also

I am that person!!!!

Sometimes I forget that.  Sometimes I forget that tomorrow is another day, and this too shall pass.  Sometimes I forget that there are other people in the world that “have it so much worse” than I do.  Sometimes I forget to be grateful for all the good in my life.  Sometimes I forget…..

Thank you all for helping me remember!