Twilight Zone Morning

Ok not quite twilight zone, more a I need more coffee morning, but I’m rambling anyway.

I woke up this morning and had peed the bed. While I can’t say this hasn’t happened before, it’s not supposed to happen.  I just had bladder surgery  a month ago, and PTNS this week.  I am supposed to be “pee free” for a few more months at least :(.

Ok whatever, I opened my bedroom door and found my Mom sleeping on my couch.  Hmmm that’s not where I left her last night.  I went to the bathroom , cleaned myself up, and proceeded to let the dogs outside.

While going through the kitchen, I was met by thing 2’s boyfriend looking super chipper, telling me all the animals had been fed except for D.O.G. (who sleeps with me).  I let the dogs outside, and came back in to find a cup of coffee waiting for me on the counter. ?!?!?!?!?

I stood at the counter trying “figure out where I was”, and I glanced down at the letter for a driving class beginning at 8:30….oh fuck did I get Another speeding ticket and forget about it?  Crap crap crap

Then my phone went off, it was the 4th “Are you awake text” from one of thing 1’s best friends.  ( They had been coming in since 5:30).

D, picked up the letter and headed toward the door.  Ah yes…it was his ticket, he had class.  (I’m very surprised I was able to put that together, and even more so that I told him the answer to number 15 on the test is 12-15 inches.)

Four cups of coffee later

I have finally been able to put most of the pieces together.  Let’s go back to the beginning.

The peeing thing.  Ok, this one still makes no sense, and will require a call to the doctor, but at least I was wearing depends last night and had slept on a waterproof pad, so clean up was not terrible.  I am a bit nervous that I am having an MS flare, or that I will have to start looking for yet another treatment, but I will not allow myself to dwell on that til next week.  (I’ve got more important things to do)

My confusion about seeing thing 2’s boyfriend looking all chipper at 8 o’clock in the morning.  As I mentioned before, apparently HE had to attend the driving class.  Let me elaborate on my confusion more.  First of all, D works overnights.  The NORMAL interaction between us in the morning is ME heading out the door telling him the animals have been fed.  I normally tell him the coffee maker has been set up for him.  And I am usually the one who has to attend the driving class.

When you receive a speeding ticket in Illinois, you have the option of attending a 4 or 8 hour defensive driving class.  If you pay extra to attend the class, pass the test, and stay ticket free for 6 months this will keep the ticket from appearing on your record so that your insurance doesn’t increase.  I have attended the class enough that I can teach it.  The question to the answer I gave him as he walked out the door was, ” How far from your chest should your steering wheel be positioned?”  The answer on the test is 12-15 inches, although I still maintain it SHOULD be, however far you need it to be….smh

The multiple texts from KR

The last time I had a morning interaction with KR and Thing One, it was to fight to wake them both up at 10 in the morning after a sleepover.  After answering her, “are you awake” text, I am happy to report that it was for  an exciting reason.  KR is pregnant.  Both girls have been texting back and forth for hours planning how their children will also grow up being best friends etc……  I have to smile here.  For many reasons.  I am glad that KR feels I am important enough to receive one of the first, I peed on a stick calls.  I am excited that both girls are in a much better place than I was when I found out I was pregnant.  I am excited that they have both matured into beautiful intelligent hardworking woman.

Why is my mom on the couch?

I’m still not sure about this one.  I’m also not sure why I am letting her sleep.  (payback’s a bitch) 😛  I do know why she is here though.  She came to stay the weekend with me while we get things ready for my daughter’s baby shower tomorrow.  I am so lucky that I was raised in a family that is so tight nit.  My heart is so full this morning.

I hope you all have an incredible weekend.  Lots to be done here, and more coffee to drink.

 

 

 

I’m in a Hurry (and don’t know why)

I was talking with a friend the other day, and commented that I didn’t know how I had “made it” to 45.  She responded saying, “no shit, I don’t know how YOU did it either”.  (note she didn’t say WE, she said ME) That’s kind of sad don’t you think?  I mean, I have never fought in a war, saved someone from a burning building, or performed any other heroic act.  Yet, for most of my life I have lived in a constant state of fight or flight.  I have always raced to the next bullet point.  There was always something else that NEEDED to be done.

Have you ever heard the song, I’m in a Hurry by Alabama?  I swear they wrote it for me.

I’m tired.  I really am tired.

The thing is, I’m not done.  Far from it.  But I am learning that if I continue at the speed I have been going my whole life, I am going to burn out….quickly.

I have pretty much lived my life by this quote,

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”

Hunter S. Thompson,

While I do still believe this, maybe I don’t have to be in such a hurry to get there?

Being pretty immobile for the last month, while waiting for my foot to heal, has been a blessing in disguise. As I said before, Patience has never been my strong suit, but for my foot to heal successfully I needed to practice some.  I have spent my “downtime” looking for OTHER ways I could heal and become stronger as well.

On the physical side I am going to start with physical therapy.  That’s it.  No big get out there and  walk a mile a day again.  Baby steps.

I have also been reading and researching various diet or lifestyle changes.  Although I do hope to lose weight, my goal is more to reduce the inflammation in my body to see if I can reduce the number of medications I take.

On the Mental Side, not only did I reread all my posts from this last year but, I also took the time to relive the excitement of my daughter’s wedding.  I allowed myself time to dream about all the things I want to do with my future grandchildren.  Most importantly, though I finally allowed myself to grieve all of the tragedies of last year.  This isn’t to say I am done grieving, more that I have slowed down enough to let myself feel the pain, I had been running from.

It’s kind of cool that even though I thought recovery time from surgery was going to be unbearable and a bunch of lost time I would have to make up for, instead it forced me to pace myself, and I was still very productive.

I’m a work in progress! 🙂

S L O W L Y

but getting stronger every day!

 

 

 

So….. not what I was expecting…..

A parade?  For me?  How Exciting!!!!

But not even a little bit true.

Let’s start at the beginning…..

😦 no the beginning would take to long

where to start?   where to start?

Ah, just go with the flow…. let’s start with the picture I have posted.  Apparently, it is homecoming weekend for our school district.  I had no idea. As I watched the band, and trucks pulling floats assemble outside my house yesterday, my mind traveled to a different time. In some ways this makes me feel incredibly old, because I have been there and done that.  I participated in Homecoming events, not only when I was in High School myself, but also as each of my daughter’s were.  Wow that feels like I lifetime or two ago!

At the same time, I’m not done with Homecoming.  In as short as 15 years or so, I will have Grandchildren that might be participating in Homecoming.  I will be telling the story…..” when I was your age we had to walk 10 miles through the snow, Uphill to get to school…etc.”  ( Ok that’s MY grandma’s story, but you get the point)

I wonder how different the world will be even in just the few years.

Yesterday, while sitting in the waiting room for my 3 week post op visit, (more about that soon) my mind started to drift to a post that I read earlier this week, by Bojana at Blogging with Bojana.  In her post she talks about spending time with her young son at the playground.  She writes…

Another good thing I’ve noticed spending plenty of time in the sandpit with toddles is the presence and acceptance of all the colors of the rainbow, that is an utter and complete absence of racism and xenophobia in their world. While there’s possessiveness and envy of another kid’s bigger and shinier toy, there’s no discrimination based on ethnicity, nationality, religion, appearance or disability. The society has yet to teach them hatred and prejudice, giving rise to inequality and aggression.

20180927_145626As I thought more about her post, which you can read in its entirety here. I thought that I had the condition for the beginnings of Utopia right in front of me.  I may be misusing the word, but here is the definition I am trying to describe…

u·to·pi·a
yo͞oˈtōpēə/
noun
noun: Utopia; plural noun: Utopias; noun: utopia; plural noun: utopias
  1. an imagined place or state of things in which everything is perfect. The word was first used in the book Utopia (1516) by Sir Thomas More.

Even though we are all sitting in a Doctor’s office, and there is still pain and suffering, as individuals, no one was adding to someone else’s discomfort.  Young, old, black, white, blonde, brunette, bald, overweight, underweight….we were all there coexisting.  Peacefully.

That is the kind of world I hope to see my grandchildren raised in.

In the beginning of the post, I said I didn’t know where to start, so I just started typing/rambling.  I actually intended to tell you about my post op visit, but as I “reviewed” yesterdays events in my mind, my foot became very insignificant. I am not going to say anymore about Homecoming, memories, hope for the future etc or even my foot notes…..  I made a funny ( at least in this post)

Instead I want to ask you for your feedback.  Don’t you think the world would be a better place if instead of drawing lines that separate us from one another, we focused more on the common goal of helping everyone “make it”? all making it

Another surgery?!?!?

Hopefully the last one this year…..smh

I haven’t seen the surgeon to follow up about my foot surgery yet, so I’m not sure that I’m “done” there yet, but I FINALLY have surgery scheduled for Botox in my bladder on Friday.

The last time I had this surgery was February 9th of this year, and since it only helps relieve symptoms for about 4 months, let’s say I am WAY OVERDUE.

If you’re interested in reading more, the link to that post is here….

You’re getting Botox where?

Both the surgery and “recovery” for this one will be a piece of cake, to be honest the scheduling of it is the most difficult part.  I also hope that doctors are able to come up with some other “treatment” soon because I suspect my body will develop an intolerance or tolerance for it.  (you know when a treatment just stops working?)  and having to carry or wear a bag of pee just plain sucks.  (yes even though I have officially given it a name, it still sucks).  So YAH surgery?!??!

While I’ve got you here though, (I hope you’re still reading).  Can I tell you about my foot?  AGAIN?!?!?

First the “technical stuff”

Today marks one week post op.  I see the surgeon again on Thursday.  I have FINALLY been able to put  weight on it (with the Boot on)  AND can tolerate the pain without pills!

even upI have even been able to walk to the bathroom as long as I have the “even up” on my other shoe to help realign me, stand up straight?  I’m not sure how to explain it, but it makes my shoulders straight when standing and takes pressure off my right hip.  Win win

Since I can get to the bathroom easier now, I was able to take the foley out.  First time I am ever grateful for having such a small house.  (10 steps in one direction from my computer to the bathroom and 15 steps to my bedroom in the other direction).

I no longer have to stay in bed

Keeping my foot elevated is still important though.  I was even able to get the wheelchair out of my house by myself.  I went for a “different” kind of walk the other day, more of a roll?  While I wasn’t able to take my “normal” walk, I did make it around the entire block in the wheelchair, using my arms for a portion and my left leg for the other.  It felt great to be moving again.  I know it will still be a long time before I am able to really walk again, it was freeing to know that I can “get out” by myself…and it’s a hell of a workout to help shed the pounds from all the ice cream Jeri delivered.

Thing One and Thing Two

Although Thing 2 and her boyfriend have been helping tremendously, (Ice pack and coffee deliveries right to my bed)  it’s refreshing to be able to do it myself.  Thing 1 and her husband stopped by to check in too.  She is 5 months now and the baby bump is really there now!!!!!!  As I have said before, I’m only a LITTLE excited!!!!!!   Yah grandbabies!!!!!!

granny imageWhile having so much time to ponder, what I would like to be called,  I think I am going to hope for Mammy,  but I will write more about that later.  I do know for a fact that GRANNY just isn’t going to cut it.  I can’t hear the name without thinking of Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies….. While I do have her spunk, it’s just NOT gonna happen.

Several of you have commented the you are sorry that I am going through so much, and I really appreciate it, but please don’t feel sorry.  I have amazing friends (you included) and family, and have never felt so loved.  Even Einstein has delivered food and….shhhh cigarettes :(.  I will pick up that battle again, just not today.

Thank you all for reading and commenting.  I am sorry that I have missed so much going on in your lives, I will remedy that today.

 

 

 

Laughter is the BEST Medicine

Yesterday I let pain and confusion cloud and take over my judgment and mood.  I was so focused on what I couldn’t do that I forgot to use all the powerful tools I have at my disposal…..the biggest of which is the ability to laugh at myself.

I want to share some things with you that I hope will make you laugh, smile, or at the very least shake your head.

I wrote before about all the prep work you should do before surgery,  While I was getting groceries …….. a woman walked up to me and said, “Excuse me ma’am. I hate to tell you this, but your boots don’t match.” your boots dont match.jpg She was right.  I have no fashion sense.  It made me laugh.  Thank you random friendly stranger.  🙂

I was also racing around to make sure my house was clean, nothing to impede my movements in a wheelchair, etc.  I lost my balance, tripped, or something and came down hard ON MY GOOD leg….smh

20180903_191007

When I was trying to pull myself up (very difficult with the stupid boot on) I again lost my balance and hit my eye on the counter giving myself a black eye.  I swear you can’t make this shit up!!!!  I can only imagine what I looked like when I walked into the surgery center.

 

 

After surgery, when my dad was telling me what the doctor said and did, he told me and I quote, “So the doctor took off your big toe, reamed holes in your foot and then your toe, they put in a stud and then screwed your big toe back on”.  I was horrified, but I believed him. That is SO NOT what they did!!!!!  The sad thing is, when I was explaining to a couple of friends what the surgery was for, I told them exactly what my dad had said.  If they were laughing at me they didn’t let it show…..SMH….. I hope my father remembers he will be having his other shoulder replaced next year and karma is a bitch! 😛

plateBefore I continue, I THINK this is what they DID do to my foot.  Again, I won’t really know for sure until I follow up on Thursday.  I will try to take a picture also, but I have a tendency to pass out or get sick when I see or feel pain.

Ok so now let’s talk about hindsight being 20/20.  Before surgery, I wrote about “practicing” for recovery.  I went through my entire house with the wheelchair making sure it fight everywhere I would need to go.  I FORGOT that I would have a leg support on the right side of the wheelchair which adds almost 3 feet to your turning radius.  DOH!

20180908_123449

This has come in handy though for getting my dogs to move out of the way.  Poor things haven’t left my side since surgery.

20180906_083000

 

 

 

 

20180908_122505There was also this ONE time, I forgot the catheter bag was hanging under the wheelchair when I was trying to transfer back to my bed.  I only forgot ONE time, and I don’t know if I will ever find it funny, but I don’t mind if you do.

 

I’d like to share a couple more pictures, but first I need to thank everyone for all your thoughts, well wishes, moral support and encouragement, and a special thanks to my dear friend Jeri for the 4 containers of ice cream you delivered!!!!!!!

swollen

 

This picture is from this morning, and although, it looks kind of gross, the swelling has gone down tremendously from the first couple days, and I do have faith that there are better days ahead.  BABY STEPS!!! literally with my GIANT boot.

Chris and Tom commented earlier about signing my cast.  I am not that technologically oriented to figure out how, but if you can feel free…. It’s a great reminder that I am not alone 🙂

My best friend Gary virtually signed my cast from my wrist surgery a couple years ago.

tiggerifficI hope you all have a great weekend!!!!!!

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