I was talking with a friend the other day, and commented that I didn’t know how I had “made it” to 45. She responded saying, “no shit, I don’t know how YOU did it either”. (note she didn’t say WE, she said ME) That’s kind of sad don’t you think? I mean, I have never fought in a war, saved someone from a burning building, or performed any other heroic act. Yet, for most of my life I have lived in a constant state of fight or flight. I have always raced to the next bullet point. There was always something else that NEEDED to be done.
Have you ever heard the song, I’m in a Hurry by Alabama? I swear they wrote it for me.
I’m tired. I really am tired.
The thing is, I’m not done. Far from it. But I am learning that if I continue at the speed I have been going my whole life, I am going to burn out….quickly.
I have pretty much lived my life by this quote,
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”
While I do still believe this, maybe I don’t have to be in such a hurry to get there?
Being pretty immobile for the last month, while waiting for my foot to heal, has been a blessing in disguise. As I said before, Patience has never been my strong suit, but for my foot to heal successfully I needed to practice some. I have spent my “downtime” looking for OTHER ways I could heal and become stronger as well.
On the physical side I am going to start with physical therapy. That’s it. No big get out there and walk a mile a day again. Baby steps.
I have also been reading and researching various diet or lifestyle changes. Although I do hope to lose weight, my goal is more to reduce the inflammation in my body to see if I can reduce the number of medications I take.
On the Mental Side, not only did I reread all my posts from this last year but, I also took the time to relive the excitement of my daughter’s wedding. I allowed myself time to dream about all the things I want to do with my future grandchildren. Most importantly, though I finally allowed myself to grieve all of the tragedies of last year. This isn’t to say I am done grieving, more that I have slowed down enough to let myself feel the pain, I had been running from.
It’s kind of cool that even though I thought recovery time from surgery was going to be unbearable and a bunch of lost time I would have to make up for, instead it forced me to pace myself, and I was still very productive.
I’m a work in progress! 🙂
S L O W L Y
but getting stronger every day!