Hemangiosarcoma

If you have followed me for any amount of time, I am sure that you have heard me talk about my GSD, SNUFF.  If you haven’t heard about or met her please take a moment to get to know her while there is still a little bit of time.

When you spend as much time with your animals as I do, you quickly notice any different or unusual personality traits.  Last week, Snuff ‘s ears were down, and when I would get up to leave the room she didn’t sprint up in front of me to see where we were going.  She was eating normally and when I felt her belly and limbs she didn’t cry or pull away but she just didn’t appear to be “up to SNUFF”.

I called the vet and said I needed to bring her in to be examined, for the reasons I mentioned above.  They told me to watch her for a couple of days and see if anything changed.  I made an appointment for Friday.

When Dan got home, I asked him to look at Snuff and see if I was overreacting.  When he lifted her chin to look into her eyes, she collapsed on the floor.

We called the vet back and they said to bring her in immediately.

A series of tests and xrays showed that she was bleeding internally and if we had any hope to save her, she would need emergency surgery.

OK SO DO THE GOD DAMNED SURGERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Several hours  later, the doctor’s reported that there had been a tumor on her spleen that had ruptured, so they performed a splenectomy.  They said that her liver and kidneys looked good, but that we should still send the tumor out for a histopathology to see if it was cancerous.

Over the last week Snuff’s personality has returned. I told myself that the tumor had to be benign and that she would only continue to improve.

(She has really been letting me know that she hates wearing the cone to prevent her from licking her staples)  attitude

The vet called with the results Thursday and crushed my hopes.  We were no longer calling the tumor a hemangioma, but now it was called Hemangiosarcoma  ….. CANCER.

They have given her 2- 12 months to live stating that the former is more likely as it is a very aggressive cancer.  I am hoping, wishing, and praying or whatever its called that it’s the later.  I am just not ready.  Although I know I never will be.  Snuff is part of the family!

As I try to wrap my head around this news, I am trying to find comfort in the fact that we do still have some time and we have loads and loads of memories.  I am going to share some now.

snuff choosing usball obsession

<– This picture is of Snuff and D.O.G. a few weeks after she choose us and we brought her home.

The picture of the right demonstrates he obsession with “balls” and playing fetch.

 

I will upload a video to youtube later this week of Snuff and her “pet rock” (apparently I don’t have the right subscription to put it here…..smh and another about her making small talk with me.

We were trying to figure out why snuff “put herself in timeout”

snuff timeout

She didn’t.  She was using her body to keep the other animals away from HER BALL…smh

animals

Speaking of other animals…. Yes I have a few.  Thing 2 was giving them treats to try to  get a “family picture.”  From left to right there is Neewollah (black cat), D.O.G (boston bull dog), Beauty (other black cat and neewollah’s sister), Snuff , and finally Foxy (the White sheep?..I mean cat) of the family.

I think the only think Snuff cares about more than her ball is Thing 2.  They are Best friends.

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Thank you for letting me introduce you to SNUFF.  I am sure I will be posting more pictures, stories, and videos in the future.

As shitty as this news has been, I do feel blessed to have a “warning” if you will.

For all of you that consider your pets your family too, is there anything you can recommend to ease the pain it causes you?  Is there anything you do or have done to “keep them close”?  For example, I will be getting a tattoo of her pawprint.  I found a “memory box” picture frame with a place for not only her pictures, but her collar as well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Am I doing it wrong? and what is “it”?

I titled yesterday’s post … All who wander are not lost…. which is kind of funny for 2 reasons 1.  I didn’t talk at all about why I called it that and 2.  I think I was trying to convince myself that I wasn’t lost.  Let me try to explain….

I think I have mentioned before maybe 1,000,000 times that I am my own worst enemy, and that I am always in competition with myself.   While it is good to examine yourself and work on things that you would like to do better, I often forget that you can’t be the best mother, and friend, and employee, and so on and so on all at the exact same moment.  In order to excel at anything you have to give it time, practice, and focus.  It’s also helpful to have an end goal.  I don’t have an end goal.  My priority is to be that best at what I am doing at the moment I am doing it.

I feel like I am rambling, but I hope that in the end I make some sense.  Let me use friendship as an example.  Let’s say friend A shows up at my door crying at the same time I happen to be putting the finishing touches on a a project that I have been putting off for months.  My project is instantly forgotten and I go into the BEST friend mode I can.  That means I am listening to that one person, not reading facebook, not texting, not finishing my project etc.  My friend needs someone to listen, and that’s what I do.  Unfortunately, that means, my project doesn’t get finished.  I probably run out of time to call someone else back.  I may cancel upcoming plans etc etc.  By the time I am done listening and comforting my friend (which is important to me), the hours in the day have passed.

When I am by myself after that, I feel like I have not accomplished anything with my day.  Well at least not anything that I intended to.  My brain continues to spiral and I feel like a horrible friend to my other friends because I didn’t answer their calls, or I cancelled plans etc.  I call this focusing on the biggest fire.  For the last few months, ( to be honest for most of my life) this is how I prioritize each day.

I was talking with my friend Bob the other day, and he asked how I was doing with quitting smoking, losing weight, and my blog.  (all things that I told him were important to me the last time I saw him)  After I updated him that I had not lost any weight, and in fact had gained weight, that quitting smoking felt like someone was pulling my fingernails out one by one, and that I hadn’t touched my blog in months, he responded that I was the queen of excuses.

OUCH THAT STUNG!

But he was right to some degree.   Of course I hadn’t made any progress on those goals because I was busy focusing on other things that were important to me.  I’ve still been living my life, I have still been growing as a person, but I have not moved anywhere on the goals I stated.  What does that mean?

While I figure that out, I do have lots of stories to share as I mentioned before.  Some good some bad, and I am really looking forward to catching up with everyone, But I still can’t help but wonder if I’m doing it wrong.

Not all who wander are lost….

Hello everybody!  Well it certainly has been a minute or so hasn’t it?!?!?

How have you all been?  I know, I know….you’re probably thinking, “if you really wanted to know, you would have written, called, or stopped by”…. PLEASE DON’T THINK THAT!!!!

The truth of the matter is I have missed you all!  I’ve just been busy busy busy

I can honestly say that in the last few months I have experienced some of the best, scariest, AND most satisfying moments of my life, by simply BEING Present.

I have so many stories to share, but I didn’t know where to start and that kept me away a bit longer.  Coming back and finding a new editor has slowed me down a bit too.

Something that might help me catch up on your blogs and also start writing again is some input from you.  I would ask you to drop links to some of your recentposts in my message area, but after the 370k spam comments in one day fiasco, and my unsuccessful attempt at going self hosted, I do think I have my comments sections locked up pretty tightly including having to be approved and blocking any comments with links in them.  If you wouldn’t mind though, if you leave the title to a couple posts, I promise to get over there promptly.

As far as my stories, maybe let me know what you would like to hear about:

  1.  Becoming a grandma
  2.   2 months in the NICU
  3.  The building collapse
  4. What thing 1 and 2 have been up to (big events in both their lives)
  5.  Whether or not I quit smoking (complete with excuses reasons triumphs and failures)
  6. The story about, “Grace I need you to call me ASAP.”
  7. 24 flights
  8. Why Snuff has to wear a cone?
  9. Whether or not I punched the nurse at one of the boys doctor visits
  10. Why I am shrugging so much lately
  11. My foot…. yes it’s still there
  12. How much urine I can hold
  13. Some other random topic that I am sure I can summon an opinion on

If none of these topics sound appealing, please still leave a comment about what’s been happening in your life.

I look forward to catching up!