I have been more than absent as of late, and I apologize for not having said anything to those of you that follow my thoughts. Now that things have slowed down a little bit, and I feel like I am on more steady ground, I would like to first apologize for “disappearing”, and secondly, Thank those of you that reached out to me in my absence.
Before I continue, let me start by saying that EVERYONE is OK, or at least will be….
insert my usual SMH here 😛
While I am used to spending my time at doctor’s appointments, thankfully the days I normally spend in the hospital are much fewer. However, this month I feel like I have been living in hospitals.(on the visiting side). In no particular order…. my dog had to have surgery. My brother was in the ICU for internal bleeding. My best friend decided he was jealous of my new hardware, so he had a pacemaker put in, and finally, Thing One had an emergency c section and my new grandchildren arrived 8 weeks early.
For MY medical news, my foot still hurts like hell and I have been doing lots of pt (pain and torture, physical therapy…whatever you choose to call it), but I am finally out of the boot (as of 8:00 am this morning). Either botox or PTNS isn’t working, and I’ve been to busy to follow up with the doctor on the next step. So let’s just call that part of life very pissy.
Then of course you have the Holidays…probably enough said on that note. Although, on unlike Thanksgiving Day last year, this year everyone was healthy and together. So that’s a definite bonus !!! The “featured picture is my Dad and my kiddos “other halves” playing life size jenga.
Whatever you are doing for the holidays, I hope that they find you and your loved ones safe and together!!! I have missed you all and will be back soon, but for now my plate is overfull.
While the verdict about if switching to self hosted was worth it is still out, I thought I would take a few minutes to update everyone on where I have been hiding.
First of all this is “birthday week” in my family. My birthday was Sunday, Thing 1’s b-day is Saturday and Thing 2 will be turning 21 on Sunday, so needless to say things have been a bit busy. (and been gaining a few pounds…yah cake?)
The stove/oven was identified as the cause of my C02 leak. I am happy to report that the shopping for, financing, delivery, and installation of a new stove has been completed.
3 out of 5 of my animals, have had to go to the vet. (2 cats for breathing problems and one dog for explosive diarrhea) I should be grateful that D.O.G. actually had most of her episodes on my bathroom floor, but if you remember, my bathroom floor is currently newspaper stuck to old tile glue, so it was actually a mini nightmare to keep cleaning that mess up. The bill for the vet hurt quite a bit too. 😦
My bank went through a conversion and payments ended up not being were they were supposed to go, So I have literally had to say, “the check is in the mail” which NO ONE believes or wants to hear.
One day, after reaching 7000 steps, I came home and took off my shoe to see this.
My foot hurts like hell, but I have still been walking every day. IMO, this is NOT gout, and the uric acid levels in my blood say that it is also not gout, however; the doctor is still calling it GOUT. I have purchased new walking shoes, and am having custom inserts made for my shoes, (yah more bills) hoping that that helps, while trying to find a new doctor, that will at least perform xrays….. again SMH
I feel like I should call this little guy more of a stalker now. He comes to my house Every day and either lurks in the tree at the end of my driveway, or rings my doorbell continuously. One day, I did have him sit at my patio table, and I let SNUFF out the meet him. I wrote a note for him to take home to his mother, I read him the note, and reiterated that he can not come over without a parent. I put my phone number on the note, and have still not seen or heard from a parent. Instead, he brought another slightly older brother over 10 minutes after he met my dog……smh that is NOT what I said. I did learn that he is six and his brother is 7. When I asked about his mom, he said she worked until 4
Switching to Self hosted
As far as the switch to self hosted goes, the jury is still out. As with most things in life, there are positives and negatives to everything. One of the positives, or at least one of the reasons I switched include having more options or tools available to use. When you are using wordpress.com, you are basically “allowed” to use what they tell you that you can use as far as plug ins etc. are concerned. Last month’s, 370k in spam comments, and no ability to change security plug ins was the final straw for me, so I finally made the jump.
At this point, there have been more negatives, but part of that can be a learning curve. I think I have said before, that I was skeptical about switching because I read the words “easy and free to transfer”….HA HA HA. Some of the negative things are:
My stats are bunk. I went from having 200 followers to having 5.
While “transferring your site” is “free, I don’t feel that it was easy and required a minimum of 15 tickets to wordpress.com and siteground.com to “complete” the process. To be honest, I still don’t feel that the process is complete.
Not only did my site “disappear” from Reader, I no longer have a Reader without going back to wordpress.com.
Most of my comments are still going to the old “whatever its called”, and I am missing several. To make it worse, some followers are no longer able to comment, and for the ones that ARE able to comment, most are not able to see when I have responded.
It WASN’T free. SMH
There is a completely different dashboard, and staging area. Siteground is also rolling out a new editor.
I keep trying to remind myself that it is all about the journey, and things will get better with time. To those of you who still keep looking for me and who have helped me “test” things, I am more than grateful. Ms Gracefulnot, is still out there, and I am hoping things will get better with time.
If you are reading this and don’t want to lose contact, please consider subscribing to the blog via email. (there should be a link at the bottom of this post ) From what I can tell, so far, THAT part works
Okay, I have been doing SEVERAL things, which I would like to tell you about in another post, but first, let me tell you what I did today.
I glued myself to the floor! YES I SAID I GLUED MYSELF TO THE FLOOR. Go ahead shake your head, I’m still shaking mine…smh
No I wasn’t bored!…. No I wasn’t drinking! and NO I didn’t actually TRY to glue myself to the floor, but it happened nonetheless.
Do you remember back in February, when I talked redoing my bathroom? I talked about how physical labor has always been a stress relief for me. Well I finished the bathroom and went on to other construction projects, one of which was hanging shelving in my utility room. I ran out of time and money to actually finish doing the laundry room before I left for Texas, but I did get the shelving hung up before I left.
So picture this please.
This is my itty bitty laundry room. To hang the shelves, I had to pull out the washer and dryer. I THOUGHT, I put everything back, but I literally finished hanging the shelves the night before I left (last month).
This is the other side of the laundry room wall
Yah the tub is in and it Finally works beautifully. ( yes there were some hiccups in getting the heater on the whirlpool working 😦 but it’s done)
When I got home from my road trip, I was so looking forward to a long soak, but instead, I opened the bathroom door to find the entire floor covered with water. Water that had been sitting for over a week while I was gone……awww come on!!!!! smh again….
I cleaned up all the water, bleached the floor, dumped the towels I had used to clean up the floor in the washing machine, and went to the store for groceries. After I finished putting the groceries away, I headed back into the bathroom…..THE ENTIRE FLOOR WAS WET AGAIN!!!!!!
I said a whole lotta cuss words….and OMG if it wasn’t for bad luck I wouldn’t have any luck at all!!!!
Remember when I said I THOUGHT, I had put everything away in the laundry room?…Well I didn’t. I forgot to put the hose from the washing machine back in the drain, and instead it was running directly into my bathroom.
I wish I could tell you that I figured out the problem immediately, but to be honest it took a few more times, and the laundry room floor getting wet for me to figure it out.
I had hoped that bleaching the floor and using a dehumidifier would help the lifted tiles settle back into place, but not only were the tiles lifting but the plywood underneath was bowing.
I set out this morning to lift the tiles to see how bad of shape the subfloor was in. Could I just bleach it again, and have a plywood floor for a little while, while I saved the money to have the floor repaired? I am/was not looking forward to pulling out the plywood, since when I put it in, I put it in to stay…..
So I started pulling up the tiles, bleaching the plywood as I went, until I bloodied my knuckles and put the bleach aside. I closed the bathroom door and kneeled on the plywood to try to remove the final (for the day) pieces. And then I realized I was stuck! I was literally glued to the floor! I don’t know if the bleach had somehow bonded with the adhesive, or if I stayed in one place for too long, but I couldn’t move.
When she was done laughing at me, Thing 2, pulled me and I think some of my skin off of the floor.
Anyone wonder how I got the nickname Grace?!?!?!?
I think my legs look better than they did before. But my bathroom floor will look like this for awhile.
So Yeah, I’m in a really dark place right now…. I chuckle as I say that because I think it almost goes without saying if you have talked with me recently, or read anything that I have written in the last month or so.
So now what? What’s next? What’s the plan? How do I fix this?
I’m gonna stay right here for a little while and just be. I am going to let myself FEEL each emotion GOOD, BAD, or UGLY and NOT judge them. I am also not going to give myself a time limit on this.
I have mentioned before that I don’t “do feelings” well. When I ‘mention’ it though, I say it offhandedly or in a joking matter, as I immediately begin looking for the next task or chore I am supposed to complete. (anything that I can do to “get out of my head”)
Over the last couple months, I have tried eating, drinking too much, smoking more, taking xanax and sleeping as much as possible. If you have tried these things you know that they don’t really help, and are a temporary fix at best. In fact, usually as in my case, they cause more problems.
So for now, I’m done running. I need to sit in the dark a bit and just be, without a time limit. I am, however, asking for someone to ‘hold the flashlight’ as I let my eyes adjust to the darkness that I have let consume me.
As I get ready to hit enter, I am acknowledging that I feel Fear. I also feel vulnerable, and kind of weak at the moment. I know these feelings will pass, but they are there.
I think I’ve said it 100000000000 times before. I am a “fixer”. You can’t do it? That’s ok, I’ve got it, or here let me help.
OPEN MOUTH INSERT FOOT.
Maybe bend over so I can kick you in the ass?!?!?
Stop doing that Grace!!!!!!!
This weeks “I’ve got this” involves offering to keep a grieving family’s dog for them while they work on funeral arrangements and finding a new place to live.
I thought, oh never mind what I thought…. The moral of the story is “It’s too much”.
While I’m glad I was able to help “a little”, I need to take care of myself and my animals (2 dogs and 3 cats). I need to practice some of this “self-love” stuff I keep hearing about. (Thank you D.G.) I would seriously pay you to be my therapist, if I didn’t have to spend some much money cleaning up the coffee spilling damages 😛