Am I doing it wrong? and what is “it”?

I titled yesterday’s post … All who wander are not lost…. which is kind of funny for 2 reasons 1.  I didn’t talk at all about why I called it that and 2.  I think I was trying to convince myself that I wasn’t lost.  Let me try to explain….

I think I have mentioned before maybe 1,000,000 times that I am my own worst enemy, and that I am always in competition with myself.   While it is good to examine yourself and work on things that you would like to do better, I often forget that you can’t be the best mother, and friend, and employee, and so on and so on all at the exact same moment.  In order to excel at anything you have to give it time, practice, and focus.  It’s also helpful to have an end goal.  I don’t have an end goal.  My priority is to be that best at what I am doing at the moment I am doing it.

I feel like I am rambling, but I hope that in the end I make some sense.  Let me use friendship as an example.  Let’s say friend A shows up at my door crying at the same time I happen to be putting the finishing touches on a a project that I have been putting off for months.  My project is instantly forgotten and I go into the BEST friend mode I can.  That means I am listening to that one person, not reading facebook, not texting, not finishing my project etc.  My friend needs someone to listen, and that’s what I do.  Unfortunately, that means, my project doesn’t get finished.  I probably run out of time to call someone else back.  I may cancel upcoming plans etc etc.  By the time I am done listening and comforting my friend (which is important to me), the hours in the day have passed.

When I am by myself after that, I feel like I have not accomplished anything with my day.  Well at least not anything that I intended to.  My brain continues to spiral and I feel like a horrible friend to my other friends because I didn’t answer their calls, or I cancelled plans etc.  I call this focusing on the biggest fire.  For the last few months, ( to be honest for most of my life) this is how I prioritize each day.

I was talking with my friend Bob the other day, and he asked how I was doing with quitting smoking, losing weight, and my blog.  (all things that I told him were important to me the last time I saw him)  After I updated him that I had not lost any weight, and in fact had gained weight, that quitting smoking felt like someone was pulling my fingernails out one by one, and that I hadn’t touched my blog in months, he responded that I was the queen of excuses.

OUCH THAT STUNG!

But he was right to some degree.   Of course I hadn’t made any progress on those goals because I was busy focusing on other things that were important to me.  I’ve still been living my life, I have still been growing as a person, but I have not moved anywhere on the goals I stated.  What does that mean?

While I figure that out, I do have lots of stories to share as I mentioned before.  Some good some bad, and I am really looking forward to catching up with everyone, But I still can’t help but wonder if I’m doing it wrong.

22 thoughts on “Am I doing it wrong? and what is “it”?

  1. At least you acknowledge that you may be doing it wrong. One thing you need to focus on is the quit smoking part of your life – everything else about “yourself” should be ignored. The urges you have when you quit should be redirected to your family – projects and friends. If the urge is super hard – “blog” – we will read your blog as if we are there with you. You can blog about all the things you listed last time or even write a short story – you are an entertainer and enjoyable read. This in-turn helps us cope with things in life and helps you get past the hard urge moments.

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  2. Loosing weight, quitting smoking, blogging… these are “things.” You have had grandsons born, a daughter who is a new mom, a friend that obviously need you, travel that was necessary… I only touched the tip of the iceberg. You’ve been responding to immediate concerns and people who need you! So you haven’t quit smoking yet… took me 7 tries, so you haven’t lost weight… I got nothing, losing weight is a bitch who needs to be slapped! Blogging? We’ve all been here waiting, people understand life happens. Catch your breath, let the rest of your doubt go, and start again. That’s the beauty of each new day, it a chance to start over. That friend, who needed you, you dropped everything and gave them your full attention. That says a lot about your character! Be proud of that. Caring about someone in need is the greatest gift you can give. That, my friend, is never a mistake! You are doing it right! 💜💜💜

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  3. You are so not doing it wrong. You are doing life and you do it with love and kindness and honesty and a hell of a lot of fierceness! You have so much coming at you for so long and the goals, they aren’t going anywhere and you can get back to them if and when you want. As Kim said, they are just things. Love you Beautiful Lady! And, please ignore my bizarre demand on your previous post….I will email you! xoxoxoxo

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    1. I have to realize that I do trust in the choices that I make and not beat my self up for not accomplishing the other things that arent a priority at a time. But I also have to be honest and admit sometimes I just dont feel like doing a damn thing….

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  4. Welcome back Grace! I’m so glad to see you’re back with us. You know what? Goals are just goals – they’re not written in stone, and with each new chapter of our lives, they may have to be adjusted or even put on hold. That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong; just that your priorities have had to change temporarily. And if you’ve had to do that, when you’re able to start working on them again, you just start from where you are now. Don’t be so hard on yourself sweet friend!

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  5. There’s only so much you can do in one day. Wet must prioritize. Never apologize for putting the person in front of you first.
    As for excuses, you are as accountable as they get

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  6. I often feel I don’t accomplish anything, even when I have, unless it’s something that I can either tick off my to-do list or it was something I’d intended on doing. But then we miss out on appreciating what we have done, the spontaneous things that happen and how we deal with what life throws at us, even if it gets in the way of our best laid plans. Being your own worst enemy is tough because you’re probably a bit like me in not being able to take your own advice. As for whether you’re doing ‘it’ wrong, I don’t think there are wrongs. It’s all a journey, none of us know what they heck we’re doing (some people just look like they do) and actually in the things that don’t go the way we’d hope or the challenges we face we learn far more, we grow, we have more stories to share, and we become more resilient. If nothing else, messing everything up in my life has taught me to try to find the silver linings 😉
    PS. Even attempting quitting smoking is further that I’ve got so congrats, no matter whether you go an hour, a day, a week or forever without a cigarette! Xxxx

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    1. I enjoy my life immensely. I feel like I am lacking when I hear other “feats” that people have accomplished, and I’m sitting over hear saying, “I held a baby all day”, but at the same time, I know that time flies and I wont give it up, if that makes any sense? As far as smoking goes, so far I am on the wagon again (that means I have quit right?), I cut down weeks ago and thought I quit at the beginning of the month, but it was 2 days here then i would smoke, then another day, then I smoked a cigarette. It is getting better, but I still have moments I want to curl up in the fetal position….smh I think you are the one that recommended the book by allen carr, I did read it (smoked alot while doing so) but for the first time in my life I started to question whether or not I actually NEEDED to smoke, so I really appreciate the tip!

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  7. If you help even one friend along the way, you’re doing it right. Sometimes I wonder if what I’m doing is ok, and then you come along and tell me it is, and that makes such a difference, even if you don’t realize it❤️

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