CLEAN THE TOILET…

Best Cure EVER for constipation!!! I kid you not!… oh wait maybe that’s Murphy’s Law?

It never fails, the same day I clean the toilet, I NEED to clean the toilet again. (The same way that when smoking was allowed in restaurants, it never failed, the second I lit a cigarette, my food would be delivered.)

Obviously just cleaning the toilet won’t FIX constipation, but I am trying to make light of one of the worst symptoms I deal with….MS and Constipation.

Does MS cause constipation?

YES, it can, and frequently does. In addition to MS itself causing bowel issues, often the medications one takes to treat MS symptoms cause constipation as well. (Yah fun!)….Not even a little….smh

Okay all sarcasm aside, Constipation, when left untreated can cause multiple, even life threatening issues. I found this link from Mayo Clinic very helpful in providing information about causes and treatments for constipation.

I am not a doctor, so I can not tell you that one type of treatment will work for you versus another, but I CAN share what works for me, and you can talk to your doctor about trying it. Power Pudding was recommended to me by a therapist, while I was going through Pelvic Floor Therapy. (I am not endorsing this clinic, but they have a good explanation about the therapy.)

What Is “Power Pudding”?

Power pudding is a natural homemade “treatment” for constipation that is frequently used in nursing homes and assisted living centers to help people find relief from constipation.

What are the ingredients for Power Pudding?

The recipe for “power pudding” is as follows: Combine the following, and store in an airtight container in the refrigerator

1 cup applesauce

3/4 cup prune juice

1 cup Cream of Wheat (uncooked)

3 tbsp ground flax seed

When I began using power pudding, I started with 3 tbsp, followed by a 16 oz bottle of water each day for 3 days. If I didn’t find any relief after 3 days, I was supposed to increase the amount of power pudding I consumed by 1 tbsp for another 3 days. (same amount of water). The goal was to have a bowel movement the size and shape of a small banana every day….. I literally LOL at that. (Considering “My Normal” ,was maybe once a week if I was lucky, and only after using an otc drug etc for a couple days I literally LOL’d.) I thought for sure they were as full of shit as I was (pun intended)

Does power pudding work for constipation?

I began taking it “as directed” and had a bowel movement on the second day. Nothing like this banana she spoke of, but holy shit…I shit!!!!! On day three, I had another Bowel Movement, (still not the banana type she talked about)……

but having a BM 2x in one week had to be a record for me. On day four, I increased the “dosage” by another tbsp. and started having some kind of BM every day. I am still “working it out”, but am so excited to finally have some relief I thought I would share. ( talking about poop, makes me feel like everything that comes out as an innuendo)

The most full of shit I have ever been

21 Days without a Bowel Movement! No that’s not a typo– literally 21 days. There are no words to describe the amount of pain I was in. Phone calls to my doctors resulted in recommendations for OTC drugs and a referral to a Gastroenterologist.

Looking back I don’t understand why I wasn’t referred to the Emergency Room after the first week of trying their recommendations with no luck. I chose to “self medicate” instead, taking 2 pain pills instead of one. ( making the whole problem even worse)…muttering something about hindsight. By the 21st day, I did end up in the Emergency Room and subsequently admitted to the hospital for a week. I am going to skip talking about the whole “cleaning out process” for now, but it did give new meaning to the phrase, “the shit hitting the fan”.

I know that the tone and language used in this entire post is sarcastic, that is how I deal with talking about difficult situations. Most people don’t talk about “pooping” on the internet, but because constipation can be deadly, I thought it important to share a tool that I have found to help. If you are suffering from constipation whether or not it is because of MS, don’t suffer in silence….talk to your doctor, talk to someone and realize there is help available. I know that it’s an uncomfortable subject to talk about, but the consequences of doing nothing are way more uncomfortable.

LINK to MY HISTORY (future)

Ok, Ok, you all know that I have the X chromosomes… (there are two right?)

I was born a female. I have not had any surgeries or anything like that to change that fact, nor do I want to. (well except for this one time, when I had a hysterectomy... medically necessary NOT elective) But I am struggling with how a “girl” is supposed to look, act, dress etc. You see, I’ve never actually TRIED to “fit in”, BUT now…

Thing ONE is getting Married in March!!!

I am THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE…. who knew that was such a thing? I mean I know I’m her mother, but I apparently don’t just get to sit there and watch my kiddo get married, I actually have to SHOW UP, (like dress up and say stuff and…..whoa)….

When she was a little girl and it was just the two of us, I envisioned being the one to walk her down the aisle, and that’s as far as it ever went. I never thought about “giving her away” or her father walking her down the aisle. I am glad that Einstein is doing that part, since I don’t think I could say the words when asked, “who gives this woman?”

DRESSing up to SHOW UP

I guess it makes sense that the first part for me then is choosing a Dress, since I was informed that I can NOT wear sweats and a Tshirt. I was also TOLD that I could not wear a Tuxedo as I have in 2 previous weddings. DON’T JUDGE!!! (I had “stereotypical male roles” as an Usher in one, and a Best Man in the other, so it was fitting, AND cheaper.) 😛

Best Man Speech @ Brian’s Wedding

“Contract” that I could wear a tux

As an Usher with Thing 1 and Thing 2

Picking out a mother of the Bride Dress

Thing 1 and her bridesmaids told me I was not allowed to wear a tent, or an old matronly type dress either, because I am not OLD….. well THAT got my attention….DO TELL!!!! So I agreed to wear a dress if they helped me pick one. We went to David’s Bridal and the fitting person asked me what kind of a dress I would like….um….well…. um… I repeated the bridesmaids directives and added a few of my own:

The dress could NOT be matronly
It had to be the Color Plum (to compliment the bridal party)
The dress had to be long so I could “hide my bag of pee” if I needed it that day (and to hide my tennis shoes, if I could get away with wearing those)
I get hot very easily, so no long sleeves

The “fitter person” took my measurements, suggested a size, and the bridesmaids all took off running to find the “perfect dress”. SO Many dresses…..smh I was exhausted by the time I had tried them all on, so I told them to vote and pick one. They did. (and I spent a boat load of money on a dress)

Time for shoes!

My kiddo, told me I could wear my tennis shoes under my dress because they are custom fit with orthotics to keep me upright…so for the most part that is covered. ( I do own a nice pair of black flats for pictures so that part is covered too)…. I think I’m good to go…..but

What about your Hair and Make up?

Yes I have hair, no I don’t own makeup. Next?……(apparently it is not that simple)

Hiring someone to do your hair and makeup for a wedding

My daughter presented me with 3 options for having my hair and make- up done. I am pretty sure she doesn’t really care how I show up as long as I show up, but she wanted me to feel included. She told me there are 3 packages available for make up (hair is included)

Regular make up
Airbrush makeup
“24 hour” makeup.

I honestly don’t know what any of that means and all would be a change for me, but ok here goes. So, I called the place that she hired to do everyone’s hair and make up and asked them if they have something like SHELLAC that they could apply over whatever they decide to do to my face….they laughed… I WAS SERIOUS!!!

I expect to bawl like a baby, not bad tears, but happy ones, but lots of tears nonetheless. And I am a horrible crier…

I look NOTHING like Jennifer Love Hewitt in Ghost Whisper who looks more beautiful with each tear she sheds.

So please just make it water/tear proof.

I even enlisted Tiara from DGGYST to ask for make up tips. (she really is kind, even in real life…not just “celebrity mode”) and she didn’t laugh at me when I asked for help.

Choosing Bridal Jewelry

Now I am stuck on Jewelry/accessories. How the hell do you chose those? Do they have to be the color of the dress, or do you pick something for the style of the dress? Since I don’t really own any jewelry, I suppose I should buy something that I can wear again. (like maybe when thing 2 gets married)

I do have pierced ears, but only because the holes never closed from when I was 12 and pierced my own ears to shock my parents. So I was thinking maybe matching earrings and a necklace?…I am really stuck though.

I am afraid to ask anyone I know in real life to go shopping with me, for fear that they will try to talk me into a full wardrobe makeover….and then our friendship would have to end….and well let’s just say it’s better that I don’t ask them.

So here I am asking for help. Any advice on how to Choose jewelry? I would like to draw attention AWAY from my port. (I know I am very self critical, I am working on that.) I am excited about the Wedding, and I am getting excited about dressing up, it’s just been so long since I have, that I have forgotten “how to be a girl”.

Month: February 2018

Treating Constipation without drugs