A post a day or APAD Day Two

Part of the reason I stopped writing almost a year ago was because I didn’t feel like I had the time. Alone time that is. Technically I own my own house, (well the bank does for another 10 years) but I spend the least amount of time there. I feel like I spend more time in my car than anywhere else. Also a lot of time at doctors and on airplanes. More on that later though.

I don’t “work” ( well I don’t have a paying job) even though I work my ass off everyday. I am sure I will be writing more about that in this “series” as well.

My children are grown, (if you don’t count my 2 German Shepherds that are under two years) or my 72 year old parents that have recently moved out by me so that I could help take care of them. I am Positive that I will be writing about them too.

Overall I have many things in life to be grateful for. Unfortunately, I always feel so rushed that I often forget to enjoy them. Hence the purpose of this “series”. Over the last year I have forgotten who Grace is. I know that I am a mother, a grandmother, a caretaker, a friend etc. and I think I am pretty good at all of those things. Except for when it comes to myself. I am not very friendly to myself. I don’t take care of myself, and the only way I mother myself is by nagging at myself.

When I began this blog 100 years ago, I told myself I was doing it to help other people. I wanted to share my coping tips. I wanted to tell people that felt lonely that they were not alone. At least that’s what I told myself. While I may have done some of that, writing in Msgracefulnot.com instead allowed me to feel like I was part of something. A tribe, a community etc. I developed many friendships that helped me in more ways than I could ever explain. and then I stopped. I hid.

As I pick up the pen again (so to speak) I know that this time I am writing for me. While at the same time I am looking for connection, I am also writing to escape. I feel like I sound very contradictory. Maybe as I write more I can sort some of that out?