Author: msgracefulnot

So hard when someone says tell me about yourself...what do you want to know?

Help! I don’t know how to be a “GIRL”

~ msgracefulnot ~ 17 Comments

Ok, Ok, you all know that I have the X chromosomes… (there are two right?)

I was born a female.  I have not had any surgeries or anything like that to change that fact, nor do I want to.  (well except for this one time, when I had a hysterectomy... medically necessary NOT elective) But I am struggling with how a “girl” is supposed to look, act, dress etc.  You see, I’ve never actually TRIED to “fit in”,  BUT now…

Thing ONE is getting Married in March!!!

I am THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE…. who knew that was such a thing?  I mean I know I’m her mother, but I apparently don’t just get to sit there and watch my kiddo get married,  I actually have to SHOW UP, (like dress up and say stuff and…..whoa)….

When she was a little girl and it was just the two of us, I envisioned being the one to walk her down the aisle, and that’s as far as it ever went.  I never thought about “giving her away” or her father walking her down the aisle.  I am glad that Einstein is doing that part, since I don’t think I could say the words when asked, “who gives this woman?”

DRESSing up to SHOW UP

I guess it makes sense that the first part for me then is choosing a Dress, since I was informed that I can NOT wear sweats and a Tshirt.  I was also TOLD that I could not wear a Tuxedo as I have in 2 previous weddings.  DON’T JUDGE!!! (I had “stereotypical male roles” as an Usher in one, and a Best Man in the other, so it was fitting, AND cheaper.) 😛

Best Man Speech @ Brian’s Wedding
“Contract” that I could wear a tux
As an Usher with Thing 1 and Thing 2

Picking out a mother of the Bride Dress

Thing 1 and her bridesmaids told me I was not allowed to wear a tent, or an old matronly type dress either, because I am not OLD….. well THAT got my attention….DO TELL!!!!  So I agreed to wear a dress if they helped me pick one.  We went to David’s Bridal and the fitting person asked me what kind of a dress I would like….um….well…. um… I repeated the bridesmaids directives and added a few of my own:

  1. The dress could NOT be matronly
  2. It had to be the Color Plum (to compliment the bridal party)
  3. The dress had to be long so I could “hide my bag of pee” if I needed it that day (and to hide my tennis shoes, if I could get away with wearing those)
  4. I get hot very easily, so no long sleeves

The “fitter person” took my measurements, suggested a size, and the bridesmaids all took off running to find the “perfect dress”.  SO Many dresses…..smh  I was exhausted by the time I had tried them all on, so I told them to vote and pick one.  They did.  (and I spent a boat load of money on a dress)

Time for shoes!

My kiddo, told me I could wear my tennis shoes under my dress because they are custom fit with orthotics to keep me upright…so for the most part that is covered. ( I do own a nice pair of black flats for pictures so that part is covered too)…. I think I’m good to go…..but

What about your Hair and Make up?

Yes I have hair, no I don’t own makeup.  Next?……(apparently it is not that simple)

Hiring someone to do your hair and makeup for a wedding

My daughter presented me with 3 options for having my hair and make- up done.  I am pretty sure she doesn’t really care how I show up as long as I show up, but she wanted me to feel included.  She told me there are 3 packages available for make up (hair is included)

  1. Regular make up
  2. Airbrush makeup
  3. “24 hour” makeup.

I honestly don’t know what any of that means and all would be a change for me, but ok here goes.  So, I called the place that she hired to do everyone’s hair and make up and asked them if they have something like SHELLAC that they could apply over whatever they decide to do to my face….they laughed… I WAS SERIOUS!!!

I expect to bawl like a baby, not bad tears, but happy ones, but lots of tears nonetheless.  And I am a horrible crier…

making crying beautifulI look NOTHING like Jennifer Love Hewitt in Ghost Whisper who looks more beautiful with each tear she sheds.

So please just make it water/tear proof.

 

I even enlisted Tiara from DGGYST to ask for make up tips.  (she really is kind, even in real life…not just “celebrity mode”) and she didn’t laugh at me when I asked for help.

Choosing Bridal Jewelry

Now I am stuck on Jewelry/accessories.  How the hell do you chose those?  Do they have to be the color of the dress, or do you pick something for the style of the dress?  Since I don’t really own any jewelry, I suppose I should buy something that I can wear again.  (like maybe when thing 2 gets married)

I do have pierced ears, but only because the holes never closed from when I was 12 and pierced my own ears to shock my parents.  So I was thinking maybe matching earrings and a necklace?…I am really stuck though.

I am afraid to ask anyone I know in real life to go shopping with me, for fear that they will try to talk me into a full wardrobe makeover….and then our friendship would have to end….and well let’s just say it’s better that I don’t ask them.

So here I am asking for help.  Any advice on how to Choose jewelry?  I would like to draw attention AWAY from my port.  (I know I am very self critical, I am working on that.)  I am excited about the Wedding, and I am getting excited about dressing up, it’s just been so long since I have, that I have forgotten “how to be a girl”.

 

 

 

Maybe I should start wearing pants?

~ msgracefulnot ~ 12 Comments

It probably won’t happen, but MAYBE… I should?

As I was getting ready to leave for my doctors appointment last week, I slid a pair of sweats on, and both of my dogs went to the door looking at me expectantly….“Where we going mom??!?!”  Note I did say SWEATS,  as in sweat pants, NOT my shoes, or coat.  The simple act of putting on my pants told my dogs that  I was leaving the house?!?!?!?

dogs at the door

If you are a dog owner you have probably experienced this before when putting on your coat, or shoes, or whatever your “routine” is as you get ready to leave the house.  Admittedly though, I think for most people it is putting on your footwear.  This morning mine did it when they saw my pants in my hand??????

Ok time for a test.  The next day I put my tennis shoes on to walk on the treadmill, and received absolutely NO REACTION from the dogs.  Normally shoes would symbolize that you are getting ready to leave, but literally  NO RESPONSE!!!!!

a dogs life (probably because I wasn’t wearing pants)

Later that afternoon, I remembered that I needed to take the garbage cans to the curb.  I grabbed my sweats, and again BOTH DOGS ran to the front door…..smh  Seriously?!?!?  I literally laughed out loud. 

How do your dogs react when they think you are leaving the house?

MORE Tests….

Do they only do that when I put on sweat pants?  Would they react the same with Jeans or Leggings? Are they doing that because I chose to come out to the living room to put my pants on instead of my bedroom?

After a week of changing variables, I have concluded that when my dogs see me with pants on they think we are going somewhere.  ANY KIND OF PANTS!!! My “poor dogs”.

So now what? Stop taking them with me everywhere so they don’t think they get to leave the house when mom puts clothes on?  dog lifted into the carDo I have to start wearing pants all the time? Or do I just laugh it off and be happy that I am as important to them as they are to me?

The bond animals have with their humans is incredible.  I found another picture this morning of all 5 of my animals, (2 dogs and 3 cats) refusing to leave my bed after I had back surgery a few years ago.  Thing 2 literally had to drag them out of my room to feed them and take them outside to relieve themselves.

D.O.G. Waiting to be lifted into the car….not at all spoiledanimals after surgery (2)

I should probably mention at some point why I don’t wear pants.  Its simple really, I don’t like clothes, BUT ESPECIALLY pants.  The only reasons I wear clothing have to do with warmth and to portray some illusion of modesty.  (Ok I also don’t looking at my belly, which in my opinion makes me look several months pregnant)  Remember, no core muscles?!?  However, I am going to blame MS for this one.  While some areas of my body have lost “feeling”, ( like drop a 500 lb weight on my foot and I wouldn’t flinch), others have become SUPER OVER sensitive.  My left leg is an example of this.  When my pants move against my leg, it feels like bugs are crawling all over it…. EWWWW!  Very creepy!  Not to mention uncomfortable.

The second reason I blame MS, is bladder and bowel urgency.  I have rushed to the bathroom too many times to count and “not made it” just because of my inability to remove my bottoms quickly enough, so you see it’s easier to just not wear any, at least that’s what I will keep telling myself until the next embarrassing or “questionable” thing happens …. like my kids bringing friends home unannounced and yelling, “Mom?!?!?  ARE YOU WEARING CLOTHES?!?!?”…. smh.

I am sure my dogs will survive just as my kids did, but in the meantime I chuckle.  I hope you did too!

 

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NOT your “Typical Blogger” Award

~ msgracefulnot ~ 22 Comments

In my opinion, the Liebster Award and Mystery blogger and whatever name you want to call it awards are about promoting your friends or other bloggers that you follow.

Nominating someone for the award not only let’s them know that you appreciate their work,  but it helps them to grow their following. To those of you that have nominated me for the awards… THANK YOU!!! I really do appreciate it….. BUT…..

I don’t follow or play by the rules well so instead…..

I have decided to share some of my favorite blogs with you and you can decide for yourself if you want to follow.  The blogs that I have chosen to list are the ones that make me laugh the most.  I have purposefully NOT included the blogs I follow about MS, or other chronic illnesses, because today is just NOT an MS day for me.

If you have time, check them out.  Links to their blogs are in blue.  If you like their blog leave them a comment and let them know Grace sent you?

AND TO MY CHILDREN (because I know you secretly read my blog) check out the ones I have told you about 😛

Up first is HANDS DOWN my all time Favorite blog.  I love her sense of humor, her bluntness, and and and…. I will caution you though… Do not drink anything while reading her blog, I have had to replace my keyboard from the coffee spillage.  If you do check out DGGYST...don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Up next is The Incurable Dreamer.  She writes from the heart and is another that you can not drink anything while reading.  I haven’t known her as long as DG, but I have not read on post that I didn’t love.  My Favorite is the sticky side always goes down.

Next on the list is Superman.  I “met” him a little over a month ago, because he commented: “You have a shepherd. I love all dogs but GS’s are my favorite. Anyone with a GS is worth following. Great post”  My first thought was WTF?!?!  I responded saying “so you like me for my dog?…that’s a first :P…Thank you for following 🙂”  Since that time, I think I have read every post he has ever written.  ( ok and maybe I went back and read more…shhhh)  He writes everything.  I can’t put a label on it, but again, I assure you, his blog is worth a look!!!!  I can’t decide on a favorite, so I just picked one or two What If, installment 1.

And FINALLY….. Bloggingwithbojana.  I have to throw in another coffee warning here though, this time it is to drink ALOT of it before you read her posts.  (Not because they will put you to sleep, but because she really makes you think)  She is very articulate, and for those of us not so articulate DEEP!….I ponder her posts for days…..

Well there you have it, my recommendations for the “Grace loves these guys blogs”.

Thank you for stopping by.  If you have a favorite blog, or one that you think I might like, drop the link below, or send me a message please!!!  If you think someone might like mine, pimp me up!!! 😛

 

 

 

 

Am I strong?

~ msgracefulnot ~ 10 Comments

Lately, I have had several people tell me how strong I am.  I laugh and I quickly deny it thinking…… “If they only knew.”

I am not strong..but.. I am resourceful. 😉

I have an ARMY of POSITIVE people (ok some VERY strong) in my life that push me to get back up when getting out of bed is a struggle.  I don’t mean butterflies and rainbows positive, I mean the ones that will literally drag me out of bed, and tell me to put my big girl panties on.  People that REMIND me of the things I have survived, and that they NEED ME too.

I joke all the time that if not for bad luck I wouldn’t have any luck at all…..But I am lucky.

I have incredible parents, friends, and family that are always there to kick my ass back into reality when I need it.  They won’t LET me feel sorry for myself.  They remind me that although I have made 10,000,000 mistakes, I have learned something good from each of them. They remind me that there is always someone else that has it “harder” than me.man with no feet

Not only do my friends listen to and support me, by offering an ear or a shoulder, some days lots of kleenex, and the occasional “ass kicking”, but they share THEIR imperfections and learning experiences with me, and I LISTEN!!!!  Not as in taking advice listening, (I am bad at that), but I LISTEN and HEAR that EVERYONE has struggles, EVERYONE, has done things they aren’t proud of, has made mistakes, and taken some hits.Man walking at sunset

I gain something from EVERYONE I come into contact with, even if its a lesson in how I do not want to do things.

If you are struggling with depression, anxiety etc.  may I suggest that you consider “cleaning out your closet” and removing the things or people that don’t make you feel or push you to be stronger?

Let me again state that by positive people, I don’t mean all smiles all the time.  Here are some “strange examples”…

Me: I need to lose weight

Positive influence:  What are you gonna do about it?

Me: Um….. good point, it does start with me…

or another

Me:  I hate being broke!!!!

Positive influence:  Have you quit smoking yet?

Me:….grrrrrr, Ok Ok

So by positive, I mean the ones that call to say…..”Have you walked on the treadmill yet today?”….. The ones that genuinely care and celebrate your victories as their own!

But Back to my original question…… “Am I strong?”.… no, NOT even a little…. but I do have great “resources”.

 

 

Is it possible to “go off the grid”?

~ msgracefulnot ~ 24 Comments

Let me start by saying that I am not a political person.  This is not a post about civil rights etc.  I am however A THINKER (referred to as OVER thinker by most).  This morning’s overthinking began when I signed into youtube.com to hear I song that was on my mind.  I have to give you a few more details before I get to the point, because I don’t want to cause you to overthink my reason for listening to the song.

Many of you know, but for those of you that don’t, the last couple weeks have been a bit stressful for me.  The most obvious stressor  being Sarah’s death, and because of that other things have been carrying more weight on my shoulders than they should.

  1. Einstein has not fixed his car yet, so he has been relying on me, to either get up at the butt crack of dawn and take him to work, and then go again in the afternoon and pick him up OR surrender my car for him to use.  Most days I have given up the car.  This starts the “butterfly effect” or chain reaction.  I have to move all of my doctor appointments to the following week, do all of my shopping online etc etc.  So next week will be busy as hell.
  2. My damn coffee maker broke AGAIN….. If you know anything about me, this needs no further explanation.
  3. and so on and so on…. basically my whole “routine is down the drain”

To “get through” the week, I have held on to the fact that today would be a “just chill” day.  When the alarm went off at 5:00 am, I smiled when I shut it off and tossed the phone.  I went back to sleep.  I won’t call it “Restful” though, because when I am dreaming I work out a lot of things that have been stressing me out.  Either way, when I did FINALLY get out of bed at 8:00 this morning, my ” precoffee” thoughts were….UGH, some days “I hate people”…..smh

As I walked into the kitchen to turn on the coffee maker, I remembered a song I used to listen to.  You guessed it… “I hate people”, by Theory of a Deadman.  I opened up Youtube, typed the song in search and hit play.  I hit the button on the coffee maker, and let the dogs out.  When I came back into the room the song had finished playing and I had missed it, so I typed it in again. But then I had to leave the room to pee.  When I came back the song had finished again.

Is the Third Time a charm?

THIS TIME, I grabbed my coffee, sat in front of the computer and typed it in again… “I hate my life”….As I took my first sip of coffee and youtube reloaded. This is what I saw….i hate my life

and the COFFEE WENT EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously?!?!?!?  I type “I hate my life” and INSTANTLY I am spammed with suicide prevention ads?!??!…..Start sending me coffee maker ads or how to receive your coffee in an iv form!!!!  I instantly ” look around” (searching for a hidden camera)  Seriously?!?!? I guess I said that before, but one more time…SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?

Enough of this spying on people Big brother shit!!!! 

THAT is what I am writing about now

Does the U.S. Constitution give you the right to privacy?

The answer is NO!…. funny for some reason I thought it did.  OH shit, more overthinking…..and lots of reading and googling etc…..smh

I have given in to the whole tradeoff thing…. Convenience vs. Privacy to save money on gas when I signed up for a “discount” card at the super market.

I also use google maps quite frequently to navigate.  I have only just recently, by accident learned that google tracks ALL of your activity.  Google knows where your cell phone is at any given time day or night.  WTF?!?!  and the sad thing is I am sure I surrendered my right to privacy when I agreed to let them “help me with directions”….smh

The biggest battle I am having right now is with Einstein’s purchase of Alexa.  I was in the kitchen the other day and mentioned maybe trying a new recipe for Meatloaf.  (Alexa is NOT allowed in my kitchen).  When I went back into the adjacent room a few hours later to “check” facebook, my news feed was loaded with recipes for Meatloaf.  Enough already!!!!!!

When you buy a smart tv, if you don’t UNCLICK the button to turn off voice activation, you are allowing them to record 24/7..

I know that I probably sound like a paranoid freak, and that no one really wants to know that much about what I do, but I personally think I need to rethink the whole convenience vs privacy thing. I am going to spend more time researching “how to live off the grid”  Is there such a thing as privacy?

In the meantime, while I am still using the internet…let me throw you a bone big brother…  I would like to be the first to know

  1. When coffee comes in IV form and how to get it?
  2. Where Coors Light is on sale?  Because I am going to start drinking.
  3. Is privacy even real?

On that note, does anyone have any thoughts to share, want to have a debate with me?  Maybe even a beer….I’m “buying”.

What are your thoughts?