Category: Uncategorized

One post a day… APAD Day 9 Gone but never forgotten

~ msgracefulnot ~ 3 Comments

Remembering Snuff and D.O.G.

We purchased D.O.G in 2008. I was very depressed. My step daughter that I had been raising for the last 5 years decided to move across the country to live with her biological mother. I was in and out of the hospital having MS exacerbations every couple of months. I was in A. Bad. Place. Adding D.O.G. to our family was just what I needed. She was my constant companion or copilot. The MS exacerbations continued to occur every two or three months finally landing me in a wheelchair almost full time and having to use a Foley catheter. Again, I. was. DEPRESSED. I was put in a rehabilitation center for 3 months to learn how to walk again. (That is another story though) D.O.G. also became very depressed. She would not eat unless she could visit me or hear my voice on the phone. Did I mention co-dependent? My ex-husband and I decided to get a dog for D.O.G.

Buying a dog for your dog

Yes I bought a dog for my dog. I have always loved German Shepherds. They are hands down my favorite breed. A friend of the family’s German Shepherd had puppies and she said I could take my pick for $300.00. If you have ever purchased a purebred dog, you know that $300.00 is a hell of a deal. (more on that later) Thing One, Thing Two and I went to meet the puppies. Out of 12 of them we were all able to agree that Snuff was the one. The fact that we were all able to agree, MADE her the one. That and she kind of picked us.

Getting two dogs was one of the few Good Decisions that I have made in my life. Over the next few years I learned the importance of training your dogs to be “Good Citizens” or in Layman’s terms “not to be assholes”. Again that’s another story though.

Losing a pet is devastating

Snuff died in June of 2019

Time of Death 10:30 pm 06/15/2019

and I lost D.O.G. in January of 2021

I didn’t write a post about losing D.O.G. I COULDN’T write. I couldn’t sleep. I just couldn’t…well anything.

Both of these girls will always be in my heart!

A Post a Day APAD Day 8- thrown under the bus

~ msgracefulnot ~ 1 Comment

Thrown Under the Bus

Before you try to throw me under the bus, make sure you know who’s driving it. I have been thrown under the bus so many times, I have permanent tire tracks on my head, I’m sure of it.

Last year was a pretty rough year for me in many ways. At one point when I needed help I reached out to someone I normally would not have. I HATE asking for help, absolutely hate it. But there it is I did. As a result, when the person that helped me reached out to me asking for help, I felt obligated to help when normally I would not have gotten involved.

I got involved.

So I got involved. I took care of shit that H, should have handled on her own. A couple weeks later I get a call from T, her boyfriend, asking why I got involved. I responded, because “H asked me to”. She did?!?!? YES. I’m not surprised that H didn’t tell T. I am surprised and a little hurt that she tried to pin it all on me though. I guess oh well, my “debt” is paid. I didn’t do anything wrong, illegal, or unethical, I just got involved in something I normally wouldn’t and while I “fixed” the problem, trying to throw me under the bus created 100 new problems for them.

I know this post may seem a little cheesy, but I wanted to ” get it out of my head”, but I don’t need to throw someone under the bus to do it. I don’t need to air someone else dirty laundry, but I do need a reminder to continue to mind my own business. This is that reminder.

A post a Day APAD Day Six… Not knowing is the worst

~ msgracefulnot ~ 2 Comments

Surgery Day

I’m sitting in the preop room with Thing Two. It’s been a long time since I felt like I had all the answers when my children come to me with questions or for advice. To be honest, they are both smarter and stronger than I am. I’m okay with that. Even glad for it!

I THOUGHT I was going to be a nervous wreck waiting for her to go into surgery, but at the moment, I’m feeling very calm. While we were driving to the hospital this morning, I had the answer (from experience) for every question that she asked me. I even remembered to warn her that 15 different people were going to ask her her name, date of birth, what she was having done today, and who was doing it. I use the word WARN because I can remember coming in for a previous surgery and feeling uncomfortable that everyone kept asking me. I went down the Rabbit hole of if you don’t know my name by now, are you gonna do the right surgery when I’m unconscious? I was scared and had so many questions. I felt like I calmed and prepared her.

The first nurse that came in the room was incredible. My ego is a little inflated because I had already told Thing Two almost everything that she was covering. (We even had the eye to eye conversation of “I’ve got this!”) Once Leslie, the nurse was done going over the first round of information though it dawned on me that I didn’t know what to expect from this side of the bed. When you are having surgery, from the time that they put you to sleep to the time you wake up feels like 10 minutes. I honestly had no Idea that it could span several hours. I also didn’t know where I was supposed to go, if I could/ or should leave, how the doctor would find me etc.

Another nurse gave me a patient number and explained that I could monitor her status throughout the entire procedure via a television screen in the waiting room. She told me that the first 30 minutes in the OR would be a review, making sure everyone was on the same page and knew what was expected of them during this particular surgery. The surgery could take between 2 to 4 hours and recovery was usually 1-3 hours.

Everything went well

It’s after 8 pm here, and my day started at 7. I’m exhausted mentally and physically. I have my last day of Physical Therapy tomorrow, followed immediately by an appointment to be fitted for an AFO for my right foot. After that I am headed to stay with Thing Two for a couple hours to make sure she eats, pain meds etc. Maybe I curl up in her bed with her like she did mine when she was a little one?

A Post a Day… APAD….Day Five …Just the facts

~ msgracefulnot ~ 3 Comments

I woke up still tired this morning. (Even though I had gotten 8 hours of sleep the night before.) While I didn’t have a bad day today, I knew it was going to be long and it was. So all I have left to give tonight is just the facts.

I went to PT for an hour this morning. Afterwards, I immediately drove to pick up my parents in almost white out conditions. I had to take my Dad, which means both my parents, 2 hours into the city for an eye specialist appointment. Fortunately once we left the country visibility was much better in the city, but it was still cold AF. I hate winter….smh

We were going to be early so we stopped at Burger King to grab something quick. It was disgusting. I do like Burger King usually, though I don’t eat there much, but today…ugh. Different restaurant or the fact that I haven’t smoked for 4 days I’m not sure but again UGH.

We got to the Doctor’s office and I realized that I left my mask in MY car…. oppps. I tucked my face under my shirt and went in to ask if they had one. Debbie, the receptionist, ( yes we are on a first name basis now) handed me a mask while advising me that COVID guidelines had changed again….. Surprised? (I’m not, not even a little)…. Ok, What’s the deal today?” I asked. I was told that the waiting room was only open to patients. My dad could come in and sit, but my mother and I would have to wait in the hall or our car. Once they were done with all his testing though, they wanted me to come back in while he was speaking with the doctor…… :/ I answered, “Okay, call me when you are ready and I will come back”. BUT I THOUGHT…… “seriously I should sit in the hallway where 1000 people are going to have to walk right by me instead of a waiting room?!?!?!?” and I can come in to go a much smaller room with more people when the doctor is ready?!?!? How do people come up with this shit? I went out and relayed the info to my parents and my dad went in himself.

While I waited in the car with my mom for over an hour, I worried that when my youngest, Thing Two, has surgery tomorrow they might not let me in with her. Oh Fuck, I promised I would not leave her alone. This is her first time having surgery, while I have had over 50 of them, and she is scared shitless. Yes I said over 50. I stopped counting then. I called the hospital that she is having surgery at and they assured me that I will be able to come in with her. Ok. YAY!

I am really really trying not to worry about tomorrow, but believe it or not I would rather be the one on the table than to have to worry that something went wrong while she is under. My dog was spayed last week and the 5 hours between the time I dropped her off and got the call that everything went ok were pure hell.

Debbie called and said they were ready for me to come in. I did. They weren’t. They had me sit in the waiting room (yes the one I couldn’t be in an hour ago) with my Dad for 30 minutes until the doctor was ready. SMH

We met with the doctor for 30 minutes, made appointments for more testing and then started to 2 hour drive home. By the time I got home, I was exhausted. I was met at the door by Einstein and both dogs. All of them started barking at me and demanding my attention. I have nothing left to give. I made a quick dinner, played with the dogs for 20 minutes, and tried to listen to Einstein tell me about his last day of work. I’m exhausted. I’m actually ready for bed, but won’t make it there for a few more hours I’m sure. and I’m also sure that I will wake up tired tomorrow and do it all again. Odds are 50/50 that covid guidelines will have changed again by the morning. It may be an adventure…who knows?