Will I ever learn?

Will I ever learn patience or to slow down?

Nope, probably not.  (Hey don’t shoot me, I’m being honest here)  My whole life I have struggled with patience, and I have always been “in a hurry”.  When My MS is at it’s worst though, my body won’t allow me to be impatient or in a hurry, and when I  try to, I get hurt.

Yes I got hurt again 😦

I got hurt, but I’m not dead.  I will explain what happened in just a moment, and you can even “yell” at me if you think it will help, but first let me explain, well try to explain why I did it.

So I wrote the other day that a trailer “fell into my lap”.  I had help for a couple hours, I moved what I set out to do and that’s all I was going to do.  My dad told me that since he thought he was having surgery the trailer was free for a couple weeks, and I might as well  have the kids drop it at Einstein’s since he wouldn’t be using it.  (That way I could take a “slow and steady approach” to loading it.)  Thing 2 and her boyfriend “D” dropped the trailer off in Einstein’s driveway for me, when they were done moving the bikes.

Just because I am proud of my daughter I took a video of her backing the trailer in.  This is funny to me because “D” doesn’t “trust her” to drive HIS Truck, but knows she is better at backing up a trailer than he is….That’s MY GIRL!!!!   but I digress….

BUT THEN….

The temperature changed, not just the outside weather temperature, but the temperature in Einstein’s house wasn’t as frigid.   I will write more about that another time and in another place, ( I think a new blog is coming ) but the verbal knives weren’t flying anymore and I started “getting cold feet” about leaving, so I HAD TO GO.

Einstein had been complaining about where the trailer was parked, and had even tried to move it by hand….  I did not say out loud “THAT”S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN”….but it did inspire me to make a call….

There was help available. A young man that I had friended a year or two ago while I was taking classes, was willing to help me move.  We will call him “J”. (He said, “Hell I’ve got a truck, trailer, and plenty of friends”)  just pick a day.  That’s something that I would say, not something I am used to hearing so….ok “How about NOW?” came out of my mouth.

and that’s how it all began……

When you have help you take it!!!!  “BUT don’t you EVER take help without working your ass off just as hard as the person who is giving you help!!!!”  This one I think was literally beat into my ass as a kid, so no way is it going away anytime soon.

Einstein was NOT happy that I was having a “DATE” (as he called it ) over to help me move, so it was only “J” and no friends.  Einstein moved most of my furniture to the doorway in preparation.  (Did I mention a new blog coming soon?….when I don’t live in HIS house)

20180225_101320

So the trailer was quickly loaded, and my car was filled, and off I went.  Almost all of my furniture that can not be strategically shoved in my car has been “deposited” in my new place.  (Of course it wasn’t until I had set up my big comfy couch that I realized there is no electricity run to the wall of the west side of the “living room”)  But that is another story for a different day.

So what did I do?

I worked my ass off!!!!….and then some….I THOUGHT I broke my foot again.  I remember the doctor saying, “this is going to hurt a bit”, as he stuck a needle in my foot.  There was quite a bit of pain.  (enough to make me vomit and then pass out)  His orders were keep it elevated and iced all day.  Back in the boot or use your wheelchair for one week…and of course take these drugs.  I give in, not up, but I give in…for now.

The “moral” of the story is I did what needed to be done and now my body says IT’S done.  I didn’t PURPOSELY over do it or rush.  It’s so hard not to “overdo it” when you ARE feeling well, considering you KNOW that the “NOT feeling well” is just around the corner.

A Trailer “fell in my lap”

Ok not literally, but YAH I have a “Free trailer”

I have mentioned before that I grew up “in the sticks”, and I have also alluded to the fact that I was kind of raised as a tom boy.  I know how to drive a tractor, trailer, dirt bikes, 3 wheelers, and even a skid loader.  My father owns many of these items, but in his “old age” I think he has “forgotten” how to use them.  I am being very sarcastic here, because he still uses them all the time, except for in the winter.  For some silly reason, he no longer takes his truck off road, he barely takes it out in the winter for fear of rust….SMH (more sarcasm) AND when he bought his newest truck, he bought one with only a 6 foot bed.  real truck

(The guy who raised me telling me that if you couldn’t fit a full sheet of drywall or plywood in the back of a truck it wasn’t a REAL Truck, bought a truck with a 6 foot bed!!!!!!!!) SMH  He even owns two plows, but doesn’t drive his “new baby” in the winter?!?!??!?!

Figuring I still had a few more weeks of winter before I had access to a truck and trailer, and the ‘silly doctor’s’ “don’t lift 15 lbs for 2 weeks limit” I’d been packing a little here and a little there to try to respect the doctor’s restriction, so I had stacks and stacks of rubbermaid totes all over Einstein’s house. ( a few in this room and a few in that room)  but then a trailer “fell in my lap”….how could I resist?!?!?

Thing two and her boyfriend “D” were using D’s truck with my father’s trailer to move a couple motorcycles and I “conned” D into giving me a couple hours of his time in exchange for homemade lasagna.  The ‘Catch’ was, I only had the trailer and D’s help for a couple hours…. hurry hurry hurry.

OK PRIORITIZE, what goes first?

  • Air mattress already set up at the new place…so don’t worry about the bed
  • You’ve got some clothes and essentials there so don’t bother with more ( besides they will fit in your car)
  • The most important non negotiable material things that I need a trailer for are my Grandma’s kitchen table and my desk  (both had to be disassembled though)  So I decided to start there.  I went into the office…and froze… OMG this is real.

Anxiety Can Paralyze You

I immediately started having doubts.  “Were things really that bad here?”  “So much work, for so many years….shouldn’t I try harder?” It didn’t help that Einstein has been the man I fell in love with for the last couple weeks since I said I was moving, he even tried to take care of me post surgery and cooked me dinner?!??! (ftr this has NEVER happened) He helped me with a 3 d printer design and and and….. oh no….NOT AGAIN….. You’ve got this Grace.  So I froze. and then I stopped breathing….wtf?!?!?  I was just about to walk out of the office making excuses that I should follow doctors orders blah blah blah and then not one but two familiar faces popped up on messenger….”Just checking on you grace.”  Suddenly I could breathe again. (This anxiety shit really is no joke.)

The Therapeutic Power of Music

I selected random play for the music on my phone and Kesha “Praying” came on.  (  I am in no way religious, although maybe it would be helpful if I was, I am not.  It doesn’t change the fact that the song is incredible and something I will continue to listen to)  If you have a second, the link is for her official video, and for me it hits home.  The next song was “New Rules” by Dua Lipa, followed by “Not meant to be” by Theory of a Deadman.  Before I knew it the desk was not only disassembled, but I had dragged it out of the “office” to the front door.  I set up a card table where the desk used to be and reconnected my computer.  The legs were removed from my Grandma’s table ( I couldn’t dream of moving that by myself though, WAY TOO HEAVY)  But I did it!

One Step at a Time