Now that I have finally sat down again and am literally too exhausted to move, I have decided on a topic for today. I had errands like crazy this morning and was trying to fit everything I had planned on doing on Thursday and Friday into today. For what possible reason would a sane person try to fit 3 days worth of “chores” into one? I may not be sane, but that isn’t point right now.
Tomorrow, I am having two biopsies on my Breast with a procedure known as Ultrasound- Guided Breast Biopsy. I have had two mammograms that caused the technicians to give me that “I feel so sorry for you frown” and an ultrasound of my breast by “eyebrow girl”. I don’t know her name or what expression she made because I was trying not to throw up in my mouth at her eyebrows. People PAY to have this done?!?!?
The following are my instructions for tomorrow:
Hmmmmm…. I probably should bring a friend, but I have decided against it. Those well-meaning but still worried facial expressions that friends/family and apparently nurses can give are my undoing. ( I call them the pity face or I’m so sorry and I have no clue what to say face). But I digress….
What I actually want to write about is the expression that I always tell everyone and myself when they are nervous, scared, or waiting for test results….. JUST BREATHE. I’m not talking about meditation. (Although I have heard that works). I am talking about closing your eyes and taking a deep breath in through your nose and blowing out through your mouth. TRY IT!
Close your eyes and Take a deep Breath, In through your nose and out through your mouth. It really does help, if you take the time.
I know that breathing isn’t going to “fix” whatever is going on with me, but I do know that not breathing will not help and will probably cause a panic attack.
When I left the hospital with my instruction card, I sat in my car having a blender of crazy/ random thoughts including: Look up the warnings for breast cancer….DO NOT LOOK UP THE WARNINGS….Dr. Google is scary….SON OF A BITCH….Who can I call?… Seriously?!?! This in not happening to me!!! I need a beer! SON OF A BITCH….Why me?!?!?… (Eyebrow girl’s image) Do I not already have enough damn things to deal with?!?! What else can go wrong?
(pause to think about what else could go wrong)
I closed my eyes and did the breathing thing and realized there were several worse things that could be happening. As I sat there, just breathing I was able to list so many things that I am thankful for. For starters, I am glad that this is on MY plate and not my either of my daughter’s. I have survived cervical cancer. (Im uterusless now if that’s a word) I have MS and still manage to do ok. I took the leap starting this blog and I am having alot of fun meeting new people. While I’m not ready to scream I GOT THIS yet, and things may get worse before they get better. I also know that This to shall pass, IF I keep breathing…. SON OF A BITCH. (at least “eyebrow girls” image is making me laugh not want to be sick now) and to be honest, I did go get my eyebrows waxed this morning just because not rectangular!!!!!
MS Graceful...NOT! 