Just Breathe… Practice what you preach

Now that I have finally sat down again and am literally too exhausted to move, I have decided on a topic for today.  I had errands like crazy this morning and was trying to fit everything I had planned on doing on Thursday and Friday into today.  For what possible reason would a sane person try to fit 3 days worth of “chores” into one?  I may not be sane, but that isn’t point right now.

Tomorrow, I am having two biopsies on my Breast with a procedure known as Ultrasound- Guided Breast Biopsy.  I have had two mammograms that caused the technicians to give me that “I feel so sorry for you frown” and an ultrasound of my breast by “eyebrow girl”.  I don’t know her name or what expression she made because I was trying not to throw up in my mouth at her eyebrows.  People PAY to have this done?!?!?

People PAY to have this done?!?!?

The following are my instructions for tomorrow:instructions

Hmmmmm…. I probably should bring a friend, but I have decided against it. Those well-meaning but still worried facial expressions that friends/family and apparently nurses can give are my undoing.  ( I call them the pity face or I’m so sorry and I have no clue what to say face).  But I digress….

What I actually want to write about is the expression that I always tell everyone and myself when they are nervous, scared, or waiting for test results….. JUST BREATHE.  I’m not talking about meditation. (Although I have heard that works).  I am talking about closing your eyes and taking a deep breath in through your nose and blowing out through your mouth.  TRY IT!

Close your eyes and Take a deep Breath, In through your nose and out through your mouth.  It really does help, if you take the time.

I know that breathing isn’t going to “fix” whatever is going on with me, but I do know that not breathing will not help and will probably cause a panic attack.

When I left the hospital with my instruction card, I sat in my car having a blender of crazy/ random thoughts including: Look up the warnings for breast cancer….DO NOT LOOK UP THE WARNINGS….Dr. Google is scary….SON OF A BITCH….Who can I call?… Seriously?!?! This in not happening to me!!! I need a beer! SON OF A BITCH….Why me?!?!?… (Eyebrow girl’s image)  Do I not already have enough damn things to deal with?!?! What else can go wrong?

(pause to think about what else could go wrong) 

I closed my eyes and did the breathing thing and realized there were several worse things that could be happening.  As I sat there, just breathing I was able to list so many things that I am thankful for.  For starters, I am glad that this is on MY plate and not my either of my daughter’s.  I have survived cervical cancer.  (Im uterusless now if that’s a word)  I have MS and still manage to do ok.  I took the leap starting this blog and I am having alot of fun meeting new people.  While I’m not ready to scream I GOT THIS yet, and things may get worse before they get better.  I also know that This to shall pass, IF I keep breathing…. SON OF A BITCH.   (at least “eyebrow girls” image is making me laugh not want to be sick now)  and to be honest, I did go get my eyebrows waxed this morning just because not rectangular!!!!!

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