Just Breathe… Practice what you preach

Now that I have finally sat down again and am literally too exhausted to move, I have decided on a topic for today.  I had errands like crazy this morning and was trying to fit everything I had planned on doing on Thursday and Friday into today.  For what possible reason would a sane person try to fit 3 days worth of “chores” into one?  I may not be sane, but that isn’t point right now.

Tomorrow, I am having two biopsies on my Breast with a procedure known as Ultrasound- Guided Breast Biopsy.  I have had two mammograms that caused the technicians to give me that “I feel so sorry for you frown” and an ultrasound of my breast by “eyebrow girl”.  I don’t know her name or what expression she made because I was trying not to throw up in my mouth at her eyebrows.  People PAY to have this done?!?!?

20171011_140934
People PAY to have this done?!?!?

The following are my instructions for tomorrow:instructions

Hmmmmm…. I probably should bring a friend, but I have decided against it. Those well-meaning but still worried facial expressions that friends/family and apparently nurses can give are my undoing.  ( I call them the pity face or I’m so sorry and I have no clue what to say face).  But I digress….

What I actually want to write about is the expression that I always tell everyone and myself when they are nervous, scared, or waiting for test results….. JUST BREATHE.  I’m not talking about meditation. (Although I have heard that works).  I am talking about closing your eyes and taking a deep breath in through your nose and blowing out through your mouth.  TRY IT!

Close your eyes and Take a deep Breath, In through your nose and out through your mouth.  It really does help, if you take the time.

I know that breathing isn’t going to “fix” whatever is going on with me, but I do know that not breathing will not help and will probably cause a panic attack.

When I left the hospital with my instruction card, I sat in my car having a blender of crazy/ random thoughts including: Look up the warnings for breast cancer….DO NOT LOOK UP THE WARNINGS….Dr. Google is scary….SON OF A BITCH….Who can I call?… Seriously?!?! This in not happening to me!!! I need a beer! SON OF A BITCH….Why me?!?!?… (Eyebrow girl’s image)  Do I not already have enough damn things to deal with?!?! What else can go wrong?

(pause to think about what else could go wrong) 

I closed my eyes and did the breathing thing and realized there were several worse things that could be happening.  As I sat there, just breathing I was able to list so many things that I am thankful for.  For starters, I am glad that this is on MY plate and not my either of my daughter’s.  I have survived cervical cancer.  (Im uterusless now if that’s a word)  I have MS and still manage to do ok.  I took the leap starting this blog and I am having alot of fun meeting new people.  While I’m not ready to scream I GOT THIS yet, and things may get worse before they get better.  I also know that This to shall pass, IF I keep breathing…. SON OF A BITCH.   (at least “eyebrow girls” image is making me laugh not want to be sick now)  and to be honest, I did go get my eyebrows waxed this morning just because not rectangular!!!!!

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