“Running” from Anxiety

I’m starting to think that trying to run from anxiety doesn’t work.  I thought I was done packing, my suitcase is totally crammed, yet anxiety has still found me and is trying to find a place amongst my trip.  YOU CAN’T COME WITH YOU CRAZY BITCH!!!!!!! (anxiety)

I woke up this morning after my Tysabri infusion (recharge) yesterday feeling great.  My suitcase has been packed for two days.  I even had the forethought to wear both a hooded sweatshirt AND my leather bomber on the plane to “save space” in my suitcase (did I mention my suitcase is REALLY REALLY packed?)

For some reason, BEFORE I leave for a trip I have to clean my house entirely.  This includes floor washing, laundry completed, all garbage cans emptied, and all projects “put away”.  While most of the new tub was installed last week, I still had some caulking and “void filling” to do from where the old tub was.  So since the housework was done, why not “knock that out” too?

There is NOTHING GREAT about “Great Stuff”

That shit is Evil!  and now….. it is Everywhere….including my hands.  Normally this wouldn’t really bother me much, it will wear off and where the hell am I going that someone is going to examine my hands….. and then it occurred to me……

When I have my “pat down”  at security tomorrow morning, they are also going to swab my hands to test for something.  I still never bothered to ask what they are testing for, I just know that they are going to test. (I assume bomb making chemicals or something)  It’s never been an issue, so I just let them do their thing.  BUT, I probably shouldn’t put pure acetone on my hands, or paint thinner, or gasoline…etc etc…  How the hell do I get this off?!?!?  OMG what if “GREAT STUFF” has the chemicals in it that will make it look like I made a bomb?!?!?    I thought about googling it, but then worried that I would be red flagged for googling such a thing before getting on a flight (hell writing this post may be the only red flag they think they need)

Yes I do realize that I have absolutely NO CONTROL about what will happen tomorrow.  What’s done is done.  But it took me two hours (and a beer) to calm down enough to put things in perspective.  I HATE ANXIETY!!!!!

While in panic mode, I called the airline to make sure they knew I needed a wheelchair and I searched for a blog that Damn Girl Get your shit together wrote a couple of weeks ago about What to do when you are freaking the fuck out. While rereading her post, I also remember commenting on it, but couldn’t remember what I had said other than “Yep, I need to do that”, so I searched for my comment and reread it.  I meant what I said about putting things in perspective, but I had forgotten.  As I was thinking, I also remembered that I have survived worse, and my breathing finally started to slow down.

I think the real problem is that I try to CONTROL too many things.  So what if they question me at security?  Worse case scenario, I have a great story to tell in the future.  I already know that it takes me longer to get through security than most people and have planned to allow extra time.  My flight leaves at 6 am, we will be there at 4 am, and what happens will happen.

Three friends have texted me that Chicago is “getting hit” with a wintry mix of snow/rain/ and freezing temperatures tonight.  Ok, so maybe I have to leave my house a bit earlier than 2:30 am?  (this won’t be the first time I have had to spend the first 8 hours of my trip sleeping)  More on that trip another time though.

One beer, has now turned into three, and I need to finish making dinner for my traveling companions who should be here soon.  See you all in a week!!!!!

10 comments

  1. Yes, baby, see you in a week and have tons of fun. I know you will.
    BTW, trips that is everything prior to them can be pretty stressful, so you’re not the only one with anxiety, paranoia and panic issues. And I also make sure I leave my apartment nice and clean because the idea of going back to it messy is freaking me out. When I get back from a vacation, I want to put my feet up, sip my coffee and chill instead of thinking about garbage, dusting and scrubbing.
    So, have FUN and get back to us with loads of stories, the good ones of course. You’ll be fine, honey. I know you will. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was laughing while reading and then I thought, that’s insensitive anxiety isn’t funny, but then I realized I was laughing with you as anxiety is a crazy B. But your fears aren’t crazy! I can see the logic there. You’re going to have a great time! Enjoy!!

    Like

  3. Grace! Why do you not tell me these things??? Ok, I do the same thing you do because if I DIE while on vacation I don’t want my family to see my messy house… this makes no sense… what do I care? I’m dead. Okay, not good to read before getting on a plane so I hope you are on your way. Maybe I shouldn’t post this comment… well, sage advice??? Enjoy your trip!~Kim

    Liked by 1 person

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