My “Funeral” dress

Do you have a funeral dress?  I do 😦  I didn’t realize it until this morning though.

I was raised that you wear ALL BLACK to a funeral.  I don’t know the meaning behind it, just that that is what you do.  After I showered this morning my hand instinctively reached for the one all black dress I own.  Tears came to my eyes when I realized that it has a pretty central location in my closet.  ( I didn’t have to dig it out)  That can’t be normal.  I am only 44 years old, and I have buried almost as many people in my life.  WTF?!?!?!?

As I pushed Einstein to get ready this morning, I realized that he doesn’t have a funeral dress, I mean funeral clothes.  This is the first time that he has had to bury a friend, and loved one.

I just sat on the floor and cried.  Finally let myself cry.

Of course I am not upset about a damn dress, but I am upset that I have been through this what I consider TOO GOD DAMN MANY TIMES.  I know what I am supposed to wear.  I know what I am “supposed” to say to Dan’s grieving wife, and kids.  Hell I even know how to comfort his traumatized dog.  Enough!  Enough Damn loss!!!!!  I don’t think my heart can take much more.

I have to go now and bury another friend.  Another life taken way too soon.   SMH

Dan’s obituary.  Doesn’t even begin to touch on the life that was his

update:  May he rest in peace

19 comments

  1. Damn. I know the feeling. I went to my first funeral at age 4. I can’t tell you how many black dresses I’ve owned. I really needed to get over a harsh period of 3 funerals within a 6 month period. I burned my funeral dress, and two months later… I had to buy another. It is rare to go a full year without attending a funeral, but I go, for those who are left living. I’m going to read Dan’s obit. now. The young deaths, like your friend Dan, are the absolute most difficult. My humble sympathies, Grace. 💜

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I buried so many myself. I have a lot of black clothes too. People die. So many good people. We wonder, how on earth am I going to pull this through. And yet, we somehow do, eventually. We have to because life is stronger.
    I’m holding your hand. You’re not alone, love.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. In Buddhist tradition white is the color for funerals, maybe because our hair turns white in old age, and it’s the color of winter, of snow. Snow eventually melts as winter passes into spring.
    I know you’re in a winter of sadness now but I hope you can find your way to spring.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So sorry for your loss. I know the feeling all too well. It’s never easy. I’ve always tried to think of it being their job on earth is done. That thinking has brought me a certain amount of peace over the years. My condolences to you and to his family.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh dear I am so sorry for the devastating day you had today. I had you on my mind all day long wishing you love and strength to make it through. The last funeral I had to go to, was my Grandfather. It was the most devastating day of my entire life. Allow yourself to grieve this loss and never forget that your friend will always be with you. He is part of your heart and you did not lose that.
    Oh a lighter note to hopefully bring a smile to your beautiful face. You should have let Einstein borrow on of you dresses. It might have been a good look for him.
    Lots of love to you Grace!

    Liked by 1 person

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