Have you ever felt emotions that were complete polar opposites at the exact same time?
Last week, I wrote One Step forward, two steps back. I saw the surgeon this morning. I should be happy that he was able to see me so quickly, and that they will be getting me in for surgery soonish. I AM happy…kind of.
BUT, I am also pissed off. I’m mad at the doctor who dismissed my foot pain and swelling as gout, but I’m even more upset with myself for letting him. I should have fought harder for myself. Three weeks have passed since my original visit to the doctor,. Three weeks before I couldn’t handle the pain anymore, and went to immediate care. THREE weeks more damage to my foot because I continued to walk on it. and NOW surgery.
The doctor is trying to get me in for surgery this week, but I have Medicare for insurance, and they don’t do anything quickly, so maybe not until next week. I suppose I am to blame for this too, since I refuse to take pain meds, it can’t hurt that bad??!?!?!??! I don’t refuse pain meds because I have a high pain tolerance, I refuse them because even one norco binds me up for at least a week and the mood swings are scary…. In hindsight, I will ask for them anyway.
While on the subject of being angry. I am also mad that I bought another pack of cigarettes. No one forced me to do that, and I know that recovering from surgery will take longer if I continue to smoke, yet I did it anyway……I have thrown the pack out 3x only to dig it back out of the trash….yes disgusting I know……
But did I mention yah surgery?…..smh