I came back from Boston Wicked Smaaht

Ok that’s not even a little bit true, I’m still the same dumb ass I was before I went on the trip, BUT I did learn ALOT (good and bad).  It was definitely an adventure…..

If you’ve got some time I would like to tell you about it…..well about getting there and our first day in the city.

SOMETIMES the weather forecast is right

Before we left, I had been half listening to the forecast.  The forecasters said that we would be ‘blessed’ with a wintry mix of snow, sleet, and rain and temps of 26 degrees beginning 2 hours before we were to head out for the airport.   After sleeping 3 hours, I woke up at 1 am, showered, coffeed, and looked out the window.  Of course they picked THIS time to be correct….smh

We left Einstein’s house at 2 am, and headed to my house to pick Thing 2 up.  She was driving us to the airport.  (well I was driving us to the airport, and she was taking my car home)  That 20 minute drive took almost an hour….grrrrr

wintry mixok MORE coffee….(the American Airlines app, I downloaded on my phone said the flight was still on time, so we were doing this)  Driving to the airport sucked, since everyone forgets how to drive in the winter.  (It’s not like we haven’t had a long enough winter for people to relearn)  smh AGAIN.

When we got to the airport, Thing 2 ran in and grabbed a wheelchair for me.  I NEVER thought, I would be so grateful to have one.wheelchair  (Our trip hadn’t even started and I was completely exhausted.)

I won’t claim that it was perfect, but since I know the rating system affects the person driving the wheelchair directly, (he really was a nice guy) I did give the experience a perfect 😀 score on the “she has been delivered” tablet you have to sign when you are dropped off at your gate.

Security was a breeze

I probably shouldn’t say this, but the “trick” to getting through security quickly is having a bag of pee strapped to your leg.  The poor girl that had to do my pat down apologized so many times about having to “feel me up” and couldn’t comprehend what a foley catheter was, I don’t think she even noticed or swabbed the great stuff on my hands.  In hindsight, it is really scary that the people that are supposed to be providing our security are so afraid of “offending” someone, that they “overlook” certain things.  I hope I am wrong and they tested me some other way without my realizing it.  I assure you I will not be complaining to them.

Clear skies

Boarding the plane was also a breeze.  I did get a little nervous when the person sitting next to me started coughing,  (Oh no, not the plague again) but for supposedly being a full flight, she was able to move to another seat closer to other family members.  YAH ME!!  In fact, both seats next to me were empty!!!!  Double Win!  I took off my leather bomber jacket, used it as a pillow, used my sweatshirt as a blanket, and I was out.  🙂 I woke up a couple hours later in Boston, not quite fully rested, but refreshed nonetheless.

The airline had a wheelchair waiting for me as I deboarded the plane.  I didn’t get a picture of the woman driving (though I should have since she was also the one who helped me reboard on the way home and she was SO HELPFUL)  After taking us to the baggage claim area for my companions suitcase, I explained that  “according to my research” we were supposed to take the SL to the blue line and I needed to buy a ticket somehow.  “Oh no honey, you don’t need to buy a ticket, it’s all free”, she said.  Huh?  Nothing in life is free.

There are still some free things in the world

Transportation FROM the airport is free via the Silver Line and the Subway (as long as you don’t leave the station).  Who knew?!?!  silver lineWe boarded the SL1 which is an electric/gas powered bus.  It was electric leaving the airport, then temporarily shuts off to restart and run on gasoline…..WHAT?!?!?  Don’t laugh, I really had no idea such a thing existed….

We rode the SL to the end of the line and then tried to figure out which direction we needed to head on the blue line to get to our destination.

I must really have the “damsel in distress” look, because people were constantly coming up to me offering to provide help or direction.  A man and a woman (not a couple) even debated with each other which way would be easier.  The man said we should take this route…the woman directed her eyes to my cane and suggested that MAYBE, the orange line would be a better choice.  Orange line it is!.. The announcement said the the orange line would be approaching on the center platform….

Look BEFORE you leap

I heard “center platform” and crossed the tracks to head that way.  No I did not notice the train that was heading directly for me before I stepped onto the tracks.  Talk about your life flashing before your eyes….HOLY SHIT….(yah for the foley cath, since I think I would have pissed my pants without it).   No I didn’t get hit by the train, but I didn’t escape unscathed either.

Wait there is more….

So now I am standing on one side of the platform, my companions on the other.  The orange line pulls up and we need to be on that train, but how to communicate that?  I am using hand signals through the glass trying to tell them to get on the train as I proceed to board.  Once on the train, I don’t see them….Oh shit should I get off?!?!?  I try to step off the other side of the train to see if they are still on the platform, only to get my feet caught up in my suitcase or the cane and down I went.  20 minutes in Boston and I wipe out.  The upper part of my body is on the train, but my legs are hanging out the door and I can’t pull them up. 

I really am a train wreck (pun intended)

For the first time in my life, I am grateful that people don’t mind their own business. Someone pulled me into the train car just as my companions found me.  How the hell have I survived 44 years on this planet?!?  Have I mentioned GRACEful I am not?!?!still alive

I’m not done yet though…. not with my life or with this story….

We did make it to the apartment we were staying at to drop off our bags without any further mishaps.

We also found a great little pizza place.  regina

While we were eating we decided our next stop would be the Prudential Skywalk.

The UBER app can kiss my ass

Believe it or not, I did listen to the advice I was given before leaving that uber was the easiest way to get around while we were there, so I downloaded it to my phone before leaving.  After my “near death experiences” from the morning, I thought MAYBE now was the time to actually use it.  The app had other ideas.uber sucks

OH come on!!!!!!!!!  WTF?!?!?  How can it be disabled, I have never even used it before?!?!?  Visiting the website they sent me too was no help either…. Ok so back to the train…. If at first you don’t succeed try try again?  In fact I was more determined than ever to figure this “whole public transportation” thing out.  When we got back to the train station, I took a picture of the map (schedules had changed effective April 1st and new ones weren’t available yet?!?!)  I made a “new friend” who suggested that we buy a one day charlie card which would allow us unlimited use of the buses and trains throughout the city for 24 hours.

mbta helpmbta map

 

 

 

By the end of the first day, I was cold, tired, and completely worn the hell out…. but I CAN boast that I have become quite proficient at using the MBTA.  ( I still think that using a horse would have been easier)

homeless

IT RAINED ALL DAY!!!!!!  (at least it wasn’t snow though)

I took a selfie before crashing for the night.  I don’t know that I will claim damsel in distress, but definitely helpless, homeless, or in someone in need of assistance.

I’m not sure if I made an impression on Boston, but after one day, it certainly left an impression on me.

I will write more about our trip later this week,  not only did I come back from Boston with a semblance of a silly accent, but I also picked up a scratchy voice and fever 😦

 

 

 

“Running” from Anxiety

I’m starting to think that trying to run from anxiety doesn’t work.  I thought I was done packing, my suitcase is totally crammed, yet anxiety has still found me and is trying to find a place amongst my trip.  YOU CAN’T COME WITH YOU CRAZY BITCH!!!!!!! (anxiety)

I woke up this morning after my Tysabri infusion (recharge) yesterday feeling great.  My suitcase has been packed for two days.  I even had the forethought to wear both a hooded sweatshirt AND my leather bomber on the plane to “save space” in my suitcase (did I mention my suitcase is REALLY REALLY packed?)

For some reason, BEFORE I leave for a trip I have to clean my house entirely.  This includes floor washing, laundry completed, all garbage cans emptied, and all projects “put away”.  While most of the new tub was installed last week, I still had some caulking and “void filling” to do from where the old tub was.  So since the housework was done, why not “knock that out” too?

There is NOTHING GREAT about “Great Stuff”

That shit is Evil!  and now….. it is Everywhere….including my hands.  Normally this wouldn’t really bother me much, it will wear off and where the hell am I going that someone is going to examine my hands….. and then it occurred to me……

When I have my “pat down”  at security tomorrow morning, they are also going to swab my hands to test for something.  I still never bothered to ask what they are testing for, I just know that they are going to test. (I assume bomb making chemicals or something)  It’s never been an issue, so I just let them do their thing.  BUT, I probably shouldn’t put pure acetone on my hands, or paint thinner, or gasoline…etc etc…  How the hell do I get this off?!?!?  OMG what if “GREAT STUFF” has the chemicals in it that will make it look like I made a bomb?!?!?    I thought about googling it, but then worried that I would be red flagged for googling such a thing before getting on a flight (hell writing this post may be the only red flag they think they need)

Yes I do realize that I have absolutely NO CONTROL about what will happen tomorrow.  What’s done is done.  But it took me two hours (and a beer) to calm down enough to put things in perspective.  I HATE ANXIETY!!!!!

While in panic mode, I called the airline to make sure they knew I needed a wheelchair and I searched for a blog that Damn Girl Get your shit together wrote a couple of weeks ago about What to do when you are freaking the fuck out. While rereading her post, I also remember commenting on it, but couldn’t remember what I had said other than “Yep, I need to do that”, so I searched for my comment and reread it.  I meant what I said about putting things in perspective, but I had forgotten.  As I was thinking, I also remembered that I have survived worse, and my breathing finally started to slow down.

I think the real problem is that I try to CONTROL too many things.  So what if they question me at security?  Worse case scenario, I have a great story to tell in the future.  I already know that it takes me longer to get through security than most people and have planned to allow extra time.  My flight leaves at 6 am, we will be there at 4 am, and what happens will happen.

Three friends have texted me that Chicago is “getting hit” with a wintry mix of snow/rain/ and freezing temperatures tonight.  Ok, so maybe I have to leave my house a bit earlier than 2:30 am?  (this won’t be the first time I have had to spend the first 8 hours of my trip sleeping)  More on that trip another time though.

One beer, has now turned into three, and I need to finish making dinner for my traveling companions who should be here soon.  See you all in a week!!!!!

They call it the flu.. I call it fucking life up

I’ve been through a lot in my life, is it possible that I have never had the flu before?!?!  Maybe I caught some special breed of this monster?  Whatever the hell you call it, it seriously fucked me up.

As many of you know, Thing 1 Got married on March 10th.  We went out of town for her wedding on the 9th, and from the moment we walked out the door the entire weekend was MAGICAL! (I have pictures and video to prove it!) Literally EVERYTHING was perfect.

At 6 am on March 11th, I closed the door to our hotel suite saying goodnight to the last “after party” guest.  I climbed into bed next to Einstein and smiled.  Our princess really was a princess!!!!  What a wonderful weekend!

Did you know that today is March 20th?  Trust me it is!  ( I have checked the TV, the Computer, and my phone 3 times)  How the hell did this happen?!?!  10 days!!! I have “missed” 10 days!!!!  Where the hell have I been?!?!?

Again, they call it the FLU.  Oh I’ve got some words for it, but autocorrect keeps changing what I say into “#$^$#^@#$(%$)”  I keep trying to fill in the ” missing pieces”, but I can’t believe it’s been 10 days.  Where the hell have I been for 10 days?!?!?

The answer is Horizontal. Drugged, in a daze etc.  Apparently, I caught the flu and it literally kicked my ass or fucked life up.  I remember arguing with Thing 2 about going to the Emergency Room.  (In hindsight, Never have I been so grateful that she doesn’t take no for an answer.)  The fever that I had been fighting reached 104, my oxygen sats were in the 80’s, and I got dehydrated.  I’m home again and I today I am vertical, but that’s all I’ve got for now.  I have a feeling this is gonna be a long road.

Thank you for your support

Earlier this week, I hope you saw the wonderful guest posts by Steve Markesich @ MSich Chronicles, Alyssa @ fightmsdaily, and Alex @ MS with Ms Alex If you missed their posts or have not seen their blogs, please take a minute to check them out!  These people are not only positive inspirations to those of us living with Multiple Sclerosis, but for me they have all become friends outside of the blogging world.  Alex and Steve have heard my tears, and offered their support and encouragement on numerous occasions.  Alyssa sends me frequent messages ‘just checking in’.  It is SO helpful to know that you are not alone when you are struggling!!!!!

Hope for the best, but plan for the worst

Something that MS has taught me is to try to plan ahead…to prepare for the worst, while hoping for the best.  I knew that this last week was going to be difficult for me: recovering from my own surgery, taking care of my father while he recovered from his surgery (which was cancelled and rescheduled), packing and moving, slump week, etc etc, so I reached out to my friends and asked them for “help”.

Asking for help is so hard

Even when I write about “not fun” or painful subjects, I try to keep things “humorous”. I didn’t want to feel as if I HAD to write something, so as hard as it is to ask for help, I am glad I did. (trust me if you were in my head with all the mood swings etc , you would block me, ignore me, or otherwise, cut me out of your life, so I decided to “remain silent”)   I won’t claim that  having my friends guest blog,  helped me FOCUS, but it did allow me time to try to wrap my head around everything that is happening, and to start getting “shit” done.

Better than I hoped

While I knew that my fellow bloggers would not disappoint with their pieces, I was surprised at the things that I learned from their writings.  I really wish I had Steve’s letter to himself (pre-Ms) when I was diagnosed.  It really is great advice!!!!! Alyssa’s Guest blog about the things she has tried for MS reminded me that we are all different, and that MS really is a snowflake disease.  (I’ve said it before, but it really hit home)  You have to fight for yourself, and what works for me, may not work for you.  Finally Alex’s post called the do’s and dont’s of MS, in which she shares how her “attitude” and sense of humor keep her going.  Alex is not only determined not to let MS define her, but she kicks ass for everyone around her as well.

THANK YOU again my friends

Thank you! Not only for taking the time to share on my blog, but for making a place for me in your lives, and helping me get through this rough patch.  I really did accomplish a lot, the worst events of the week were the alone time (when I was left alone with my thoughts)

tetris in a car BUT each day, I filled my car from floor to ceiling (hindsight says that was probably not the smartest way) and drove to my “new” place and unloaded my car.  Some days I even managed a second trip.

To “keep things interesting”, let me add that this move is  “double duty”.  Before I could move anything in, I had to begin emptying and cleaning the things that were left behind including the the ceramic tiles and tub from a bathroom.  But YAH, I am making progress!!!

Guest Blog for Newly Diagnosed!

MS WarriorI feel truly honored to be doing this guest blog for my dear sweet friend Grace. Grace is an absolutely phenomenal person and I am so thankful that I have had the chance to get to know her. Grace inspires me every day with how humble and strong she is! I know that she will disagree with me on this, but that just goes to show how modest she really is!

Are you a newly diagnosed MS Warrior? I say MS Warrior because all of us that have MS are so incredibly strong and fiercely tackle our illness! I was diagnosed with MS almost 18 years ago when I was just barely 19 years old. The events of this day are embedded into my mind forever. I remember being absolutely terrified because I had only known one person that had MS, my biological father’s wife, so NO relation at all and I guess it is clear that we are not close. She was of course a lot older than me, but she was in a wheelchair so I immediately thought that was going to be me. In my childlike mind I went from being diagnosed, to being wheelchair bound and then to death! But, now that I am older and wiser I know all those thoughts were NOTMS Warrior 2 true at all! Like I said, I have been living with this illness for 18 years and I am still walking and living life to the fullest!

My best advice to anyone that has been recently diagnosed or even those that have been living with MS for years is do your own research! Yes, you should trust your doctor, but you also know your body way better than anyone else. The doctors can recommend what they think is the best course of action with medication, but you are the one that has to take it, so you need to feel 110% comfortable with the choice because it is ultimately your choice, not theirs!

I can give you a rundown of what I have taken and what I have dealt with, but this is just my opinion and my experiences only. In the big picture I am not a medical professional, but am a professional in my own body! All those years ago when I was first diagnosed there were not options for oral medications only injection types. So, being young and naïve, I listened to my doctor and started on Rebif. Rebif is a 3 times a week sub cue injection. It honestly was not the injection part that was hard for me, it was the burning sensation I felt when the medicine entered my body. It felt like I was injecting myself with a stream of fire! Also the side effects from Rebif caused me to have flu-like symptoms the following day, which was no fun. I did what was recommended and pre-medicated, but being the stubborn person I am did not understand why I had to take one medicine in order to take another medicine that was supposed to help me. I started missing doses regularly because of how it was making me feel and the bruises I had from the injections and then just decided to tell my doctor it was not working out for me and fed3f7a42808627b5d83970c7ebe974c--multiple-sclerosis-awareness-curestopped it all together. I also ended up having more flare ups because I was not taking a disease modifying medication.

The next medication that was recommended to me was Tysabri. My doctor felt that Tysabri was still strong enough to keep my illness under control and I did not have to inject myself. Tysabri is a once a month infusion which really made me nervous, but I tried it anyways because I wanted my illness under control. For the two months I was on Tysabri I would be very sick for a few days afterwards unable to keep food down. I told my doctor that I could not continue taking something that caused me to be so sick and refused to go back for another infusion. I told y’all I am a very stubborn person, especially when it comes to what is best for my health. I am a little surprised I did not force my doctor into early retirement!

My doctor being the patient man he was talked to me about other options that were available for me. Luckily oral medicine was finally being released and we both agreed it was the best course of action for me. I would not have to inject myself with anything and I would not have to deal with infusions. I decided that Gilenya, which is a daily oral medicine, would be the best solution for me. We only ran into one very minor issue on Gilenya, my white blood cell count dropped to a very dangerous level, so instead of fight for a curetaking it daily, I would take it 3 times a week until my next blood test. Everything went very well on this plan and my next blood test came back great, so we increased it to four times a week. I have now been on Gilenya for 6 years now and went from taking it 4 times a week to daily and I am doing pretty well overall.

Although, last year in July I had so many people talking in my ear about what they thought was best for me that I stopped listening to my own thoughts, I guess you can say I was hearing too many voices! My husband thought that I had been on Gilenya for too long and needed to give my body a break because he remembered back when I first started it there was a protocol that said I should only be on it for 2 years and then get off of it for a short time, but be on something else. Now in his defense, I was having a lot of sinus issues and did some research on Gilenya’s website and found that there have been some cases of increased sinus troubles. I thought about this for so long and stressed myself to an extreme before deciding to try another oral medication. I did a lot of research on different medications before making the switch to Tecfidera. I went off of the Gilenya for one month to clear my system of it and went on Tecfidera, which is flare upanother oral form taken daily. I am not saying it was a bad decision, but I ended up having some serious issues. It was in October when I had the worst flare up I have had since being diagnosed. No one can say for sure if it was the stress I put myself through deciding to change medications or if it was the fact that Tecfidera was not strong enough for me. Well my doctor did tell me it was because the Tecfidera was not strong enough, but it was against her advice in the first place. Honestly, I do not have the best relationship with this doctor, my old that I trusted retired. After having a terrible MRI report, I decided to go back on Gilenya because it did so well for me for 6 years! Until there is a cure, I probably will not change medications again!

A very solid piece of advice I can give you is to avoid stress as much as you possibly can. I know it is hard to avoid stress because it happens to all of us, but stress is a HUGE trigger for flare ups. Honestly, I am giving you this advice because I am a walking talking stress case and it has caused me so many additional problems and pain! I don’t want to scare you anymore than you probably already are, but the flare up I already mention I had in stock-photo-concept-conceptual-mental-stress-at-workplace-or-job-abstract-round-word-cloud-isolated-on-452180749October, was solely due to stress! All that stress could have and should have been avoided, but it was not because I allowed stress to consume me and I am still dealing with some issues almost five months later. It was a very harsh lesson to learn, but I already knew what stress could do to your body and I just let it get the best of me. I have found the best way to combat stress is to find a hobby that you enjoy! My hobbies that I truly do love include reading and writing; I just wish I had focused more on my hobbies than I did in October and less worrying about my illness.

I want you to know that you are not alone with this battle. There are so many people out there that understand your struggles and will support you! I am always here for you if you have any questions or need to someone to vent to. I started my own blog in July because I wanted to be able to raise awareness of MS but also offer support to those in need. My blog is https://wordpress.com/view/fightmsdaily.com. I am a very strong believer in positive thoughts create positive things in life. I do realize it is not always easy to think positive when you are scared, in pain or suffering, but that is where it helps to lean on someone else! I can also tell you that following my dear sweet friend Grace’s blog will be helpful to you. Grace is pretty amazing and has a tremendous amount of strength and courage!

love

Always, Alyssa