So I did a thing….

Okay, I have been doing SEVERAL things, which I would like to tell you about in another post, but first, let me tell you what I did today.

I glued myself to the floor!  YES I SAID I GLUED MYSELF TO THE FLOOR.  Go ahead shake your head, I’m still shaking mine…smh

No I wasn’t bored!…. No I wasn’t drinking!  and NO I didn’t actually TRY to glue myself to the floor, but it happened nonetheless.

Do you remember back in February, when I talked redoing my bathroom? I talked about how physical labor has always been a stress relief for me.  Well I finished the bathroom and went on to other construction projects, one of which was hanging shelving in my utility room.  I ran out of time and money to actually finish doing the laundry room before I left for Texas, but I did get the shelving hung up before I left.

So picture this please.20180704_194421.jpg

This is my itty bitty laundry room.   To hang the shelves, I had to pull out the washer and dryer.  I THOUGHT, I put everything back, but I literally finished hanging the shelves the night before I left (last month).

This is the other side of the laundry room wall20180704_194340.jpg

Yah the tub is in and it Finally works beautifully.  ( yes there were some hiccups in getting the heater on the whirlpool working 😦 but it’s done)

When I got home from my road trip, I was so looking forward to a long soak, but instead, I opened the bathroom door to find the entire floor covered with water.  Water that had been sitting for over a week while I was gone……awww come on!!!!!  smh again….

I cleaned up all the water, bleached the floor, dumped the towels I had used to clean up the floor in the washing machine, and went to the store for groceries.  After I finished putting the groceries away, I headed back into the bathroom…..THE ENTIRE FLOOR WAS WET AGAIN!!!!!!

I said a whole lotta cuss words….and OMG if it wasn’t for bad luck I wouldn’t have any luck at all!!!!

Remember when I said I THOUGHT, I had put everything away in the laundry room?…Well I didn’t.  I forgot to put the hose from the washing machine back in the drain, and instead it was running directly into my bathroom.

facepalm

I wish I could tell you that I figured out the problem immediately, but to be honest it took a few more times, and the laundry room floor getting wet for me to figure it out.

I had hoped that bleaching the floor and using a dehumidifier would help the lifted tiles settle back into place, but not only were the tiles lifting but the plywood underneath was bowing.

I set out this morning to lift the tiles to see how bad of shape the subfloor was in.  Could I just bleach it again, and have a plywood floor for a little while, while I saved the money to have the floor repaired?  I am/was not looking forward to pulling out the plywood, since when I put it in, I put it in to stay…..

So I started pulling up the tiles, bleaching the plywood as I went, until I bloodied my knuckles and put the bleach aside.  I closed the bathroom door and kneeled on the plywood to try to remove the final (for the day) pieces.  And then I realized I was stuck!  I was literally glued to the floor!  I don’t know if the bleach had somehow bonded with the adhesive, or if I stayed in one place for too long, but I couldn’t move.

When she was done laughing at me, Thing 2, pulled me and I think some of my skin off of the floor.

Anyone wonder how I got the nickname Grace?!?!?!?

20180703_142900.jpg

I think my legs look better than they did before. But my bathroom floor will look like this for awhile.20180704_194345.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

Will you hold the flashlight?

So Yeah, I’m in a really dark place right now…. I chuckle as I say that because I think it almost goes without saying if you have talked with me recently, or read anything that I have written in the last month or so.

So now what?  What’s next?  What’s the plan?  How do I fix this?

I’m gonna stay right here for a little while and just be.  I am going to let myself FEEL each emotion GOOD, BAD, or UGLY and NOT judge them.  I am also not going to give myself a time limit on this.

I have mentioned before that I don’t “do feelings” well.  When I ‘mention’ it though, I say it offhandedly or in a joking matter, as I immediately begin looking for the next task or chore I am supposed to complete. (anything that I can do to “get out of my head”)

Over the last couple months, I have tried eating, drinking too much, smoking more, taking xanax and sleeping as much as possible.  If you have tried these things you know that they don’t really help, and are a temporary fix at best.  In fact, usually as in my case, they cause more problems.

So for now, I’m done running.  I need to sit in the dark a bit and just be, without a time limit.  I am, however, asking for someone to ‘hold the flashlight’ as I let my eyes adjust to the darkness that I have let consume me.

As I get ready to hit enter, I am acknowledging that I feel Fear.  I also feel vulnerable, and kind of weak at the moment.  I know these feelings will pass, but they are there.

Open Mouth Insert Foot

I think I’ve said it 100000000000 times before.  I am a “fixer”.  You can’t do it?  That’s ok, I’ve got it, or here let me help.

OPEN MOUTH INSERT FOOT.  open mouth insert foot

Maybe bend over so I can kick you in the ass?!?!?

Stop doing that Grace!!!!!!!

This weeks “I’ve got this” involves offering to keep a grieving family’s dog for them while they work on funeral arrangements and finding a new place to live.

I thought, oh never mind what I thought…. The moral of the story is “It’s too much”.

While I’m glad I was able to help “a little”, I need to take care of myself and my animals (2 dogs and 3 cats).  I need to practice some of this “self-love” stuff I keep hearing about.  (Thank you D.G.)  I would seriously pay you to be my therapist, if I didn’t have to spend some much money cleaning up the coffee spilling damages 😛