MS Multiple Sclerosis Diagnosis

Many people that have been diagnosed with MS can look back in their lives and identify times that they had MS symptoms long before they were diagnosed with the disease.  When I tell my story though, I am only speaking about the events directly leading up to my diagnosis.  In hindsight, I can tell you that I am grateful for the way things played out, but I certainly wasn’t when it was happening to me.

I was at work and a coworker friend of mine was kicking the back of my knee with her foot as we were walking down the hall.  I don’t remember how many times she did it, or how many times I avoided tripping, but I do remember the one I went down on.  Not only had I torn my nylons, but two fingers in my left hand went numb within the hour.  It seemed strange, since I don’t remember landing on my fingers, but I shrugged it off.  There were more important things to think about like how was I going to get even with Michelle for bruising my pride.  I went to sleep that night, figuring the numbness would go away in the morning and didn’t give it a second thought. When I woke up the next morning my entire left hand was numb, and by noon from my fingertips to the middle of my forearm was numb.   Over the next few days the numbness continued to spread up the rest of my arm and down the left side of my body to my left knee.

Call to the doctor

The order of events that happened next are kind of a blur to me.  Maybe because they happened so quickly, maybe because I was terrified and tried to block them out, maybe because they happened almost 20 years ago.  Within a week my doctor ordered Evoked Response tests, 3 MRI’s, a spinal tap, and enough bloodwork to save a nation.  Then the call came.  “We need you to come into our office to discuss your test results, TODAY.

As I type this, the hairs on my arm are beginning to stand up, and I can feel my breath catching in my throat.  I don’t remember the words she used to tell me I had Multiple Sclerosis.  I remember the silence that followed and the hopeless and pitiful looks she and her nurse were giving me.  Somehow the numbness that I had been feeling during the past week seemed to take over my brain and my emotions.  (pun intended).  The doctor ordered a course of steroids for me and gradually I started to regain feeling in the reverse order that I had lost it.  First my trunk, then my chest and shoulder, and eventually my arm except for my left hand which is still numb.

As I mentioned earlier that was almost 20 years ago, but that is where it started for me.  In the last 2 decades I have learned and experienced so many things due to this disease that I think may be helpful to share with others.  Living with MS is not new to me, but blogging is.  If you’re willing join me on this new adventure of mine, please follow the blog, or Look me up on Facebook. Grace Fullnot (same picture I use here) If you do add me on facebook, please send me a short message saying “Hi”, I saw your blog, or something to that effect, so that I know you aren’t a robot.

If you are reading this because you have MS or think you might, please know that yes it can be scary, it’s ok to be mad, but it really is NOT the end of the world! There are many resources out there to help you with this!!!!!!

Not a total loss

I meant to post this yesterday……

I went to bed last night looking forward to today.  I even laughed when I realized I was looking forward to a Monday.  Who does that?!?!?  I was looking forward to it because I don’t have any doctor appointments today.  The weather is supposed to be great.  I have a new laptop and I was going to spend more time learning about wordpress.  YAH Good day!

And then I woke up SOAKED in my own urine.  I mean soaked.  Not just me, all of my blankets, my clothes, even some on my pillow…..ARGH!!!   My first thoughts are SON OF A BITCH! SERIOUSLY?!?!? WTF?!?!? There goes my day!!!!  If I can find a dry spot this is where I am spending my day.

And then I remember my dogs are here.  So I drag my ass out of bed, throw my nightgown in the mess, Depends in the trash and head to the toilet.  Oh yeah that’s right, I’m supposed to track my input and output today. Gggggrrrr where is that nurses hat?!?!?  Damn I need coffee.

I find the nurses hat, 500 cc’s check and head down the hall to let the dogs out and feed them.  I hit the button on the coffee maker, throw a towel on my chair and sit.  ☹

My thoughts are racing, my moods are swinging, so I sit.  As I wait for the coffee to finish, I look at my legs.  The bruising and road rash from my latest fall are starting to fade hmmm well that’s a plus.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, SEVERAL actually.  Now what?

I open up a blank page in word and start typing.  (^^^^^)

Yah coffee is starting to kick in, dogs have been fed, a message from my youngest popped up in messenger “ I love you, Mom”, and I realize my anger is starting to fade a bit.  My thoughts are still racing, but they are starting to change.  Hey dumb ass, quit feeling sorry for yourself.  It’s only 8:30.

You have managed to get out of bed.  The dogs are fed.  You do have a washing machine.  I even chuckle about that (I will explain later) Start thinking about how you are going to save this day. This isn’t the first time it’s happened.  A light bulb clicks on….I think I know what I am going to write about today.  But first,

I’m going to finish my coffee, smoke another cigarette, take a shower, brush my teeth and start some laundry.  Close word, sign off the computer and go.  I WILL be back.