Balls of steel or no ‘common sense’?

Maybe you can help me to decide?  My roommate came home the other night and told me a story that in addition to causing me to laugh my ass off, also caused me to wonder if she has balls of steel, or is just lacking common sense.  I would like to share the story with you, and hear your opinion.

It was about 10 pm on Friday.  My roommate had just gotten home from dinner with her friend, and I was eager to show her the scrapbooks that I had been making to occupy my time.  I ‘rolled’ into the kitchen and saw what I knew all to well to be a speeding ticket.

what the hell
Words came out of her mouth that I honestly believe she’s never uttered.

I thought to myself, “Maybe NOW is not the time to say anything”.

As I turned the chair around heading back to my side of the house, that little devil in me popped out and loudly stated, ” I know what this is, was someone a bad girl tonight?”

With in minutes I saw a new side of my normally soft spoken, laid back, go with the flow roommate.

 

When I heard the words, “I have NEVER gotten a ticket in my life”, I burst out laughing.   It was inappropriate I know, but considering the fact that I have gotten almost 2 speeding tickets a year since I started driving, maybe I was in shock? I didn’t think it was possible to have NEVER gotten a ticket.

When I stopped laughing I said, “Hey it’s no big deal.  Just pay the ticket and an extra $40.00 to take a class.  They will put you on supervision and it won’t go on your record”.

I don’t think she even heard me.  She continued ranting about the incompetence of the officer.

“Whoa whoa, slow down, hold on a minute. Start at the beginning”, I said.  (I was having an incredibly hard time NOT bursting into laughter again.)

I’m going to attempt to repeat the conversation as she told me.  I apologize in advance for the poor grammar and punctuation.

She said,

I was on blank and blank road on my way home, when this cop comes out of nowhere and turns his lights and sirens on.  I pull over to the side of the road and wait for FOREVER until he comes up to the car.  The first thing he asked me is where I was going.  That’s none of his business and I told him so!  Then he asked me where I was coming from.  I told him that was also none of his business.  I asked him, “What do you want and why all these personal questions?  Would you like it if I asked YOU all these questions?!?!  He didn’t answer MY question, but instead said, “Do you know you were speeding”?  I replied, “How do you know I was speeding?  I would like to see your gun thing.”  (radar gun) HE TOLD ME I COULDN’T!!!  I asked him how fast he thought I was going.  HE said 65 in a 45.  That’s just ridiculous I told him, and where is the speed limit sign anyway, I asked.  He said it was posted before the last stop sign.

She continued to argue with him about the placement of the sign.  He asked her for her driver’s license and went back to his car.  When he came back, she blasted him again.

She told him that both her father and her brother were cops for over (I don’t remember how many years) and in addition to asking for her driver’s license he was supposed to ask for her insurance and registration cards.  He again asked her where she was coming from.  After telling him that he had already asked her that, she picked up her carryout box, shook it at him, and said “I already told you, I am coming home from dinner with a friend.”  She advised him that she doesn’t drink, but that he could give her a breathalyzer if he actually knew how to do that.

He took her cards and went back to his car.  When he returned, he handed her the cards and a speeding ticket.  He told her that the fine in Illinois for all tickets was $165.00 and walked away.

I am sure there are parts of the story that I have forgotten.  I am honestly still shaking my head.  I told her that she should have an envelope with information about paying the ticket and applying for court supervision.  This launched her into another rant.  “He didn’t give me anything, but this stupid ticket, and a lot of attitude.  I have never been treated so rudely and I told him so”!

As I am laughing again, I am going to end the story there.  Does she not realize he could have taken her in, at least overnight, for so many reasons?  Does she not know that all of conversations are recorded?  So many questions, but most importantly…does she have BALLS of STEEL, or is she lacking common sense in this department?

 

 

 

 

 

Bathroom issues of a new variety…

If you have spent ANY time around me, you know that I have many, many bathroom issues/stories.

I ALWAYS have to know where all the bathrooms are everywhere.

I may not be able to tell you the name of the street we are on, but I can almost guarantee you that I can tell you the names of most of the businesses that have a public restroom AND where it is located.

I’ve made friends in bathrooms.

I’ve been in a couple of fights in bathrooms.

I’ve also broken up fights in bathrooms.

I’ve ….maybe you don’t need to know EVERYTHING I’ve done in the bathroom.

Anyway,  I’d like to tell you about my latest ‘bathroom adventure’ for no reason other than I hope to make you smile, maybe even chuckle a little.

Setting the stage:

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As you may know I am current in a wheelchair.

Because it is hopefully not a permanent situation, I have been lax about buying or building a Ramp to cross the 3 inch drop into my bathroom.

 

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As you can see, the toilet is a long long way from the door.

In the beginning of my “adaptation”, I would park my wheelchair at the door, then use crutches to make it across the floor to the toilet.

That worked fine until the one day, I slipped….

(I’ve fallen and I  can’t get up)

So NOW I have a second wheelchair parked IN the bathroom.

 

 

To recap, I wheel my primary chair to the door.

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I Carefully put on the wheelchair brakes and switch to the 2nd wheelchair, and go from there.  ( Yes there is a story in there too, but I digress)

Simple enough right?

 

Sure……….. until you add more characters to the story.

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The other day, I was playing with my grandsons in the living room, when my body decided it URGENTLY needed to use the facilities.  I quickly wheeled to the bathroom, did the quick wheelchair swap, and made it to the toilet, JUST IN TIME.

As I let out the breath I had been holding I hear 2 sets of pitter patter coming my way.  Oh shit, the boys don’t know how to do steps yet and I know from past experience NOTHING will keep them away from Grandma.

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Danny was the first to navigate around the wheelchair and promptly FACE PLANT onto the floor.  OH the SCREAMING!  Which immediately caused Joey to begin Wailing as well, even though he hadn’t even attempted he step yet.

From where I was sitting, (literally) there did not appear to be any blood, but I couldn’t move to be sure.  I needed to coax them both into coming in further.

Travel size Kleenex packages to the rescue!  I quickly tore open an 8 pack that lives in a box next to my “throne”, and began crinkling the packages.  Thankfully THAT, and a drawer full of pads did it!

While I was examining Danny’s face for injury, he decided that he also wanted to be on the throne, as did his brother.

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Quite the family affair, don’t you think?

As we all SAT there, I was so grateful that my bathroom was one of the first rooms I baby-proofed. Although it wasn’t the most thorough cleaning ever, I was able to swifer the bathroom floor before the boys came.

I feel like I should put in a disclaimer here that unlike my story So I did a thing, where I glued myself to the bathroom floor, no one was actually injured during the making of this story.  SMH

Thank you for taking the time to stop by today.  Hopefully I made you chuckle a bit, or at the very least smile.

 

I do all my own stunts, though not intentionally

I would tell you to grab a bowl of popcorn before reading my latest drama, but if you are anything like me, you would choke on it from laughing too much.   I would suggest kleenex if you’re the sympathetic type, but to be honest I have done enough crying for all of us in the past few days.  Instead, I ask that you find humor in my latest  WTF story. If you’re willing to, please share one of your wtf’s with me.  I could really use a laugh.

I mentioned briefly in my last post, It’s certainly been a minute huh?, that I had been taking more of the caretaker role lately and that although I had had a couple more falls, they really hadn’t been anything out of the norm.  For some reason my brain translated this information into, “You should go big or go home Grace”, or “let’s really create some damage”.  As it happens, I now have quite the story of my own to tell…..SMH

Where to begin though……….

In the middle!  Let’s jump right in the middle.

So hey guess what…. I’m not pregnant!!!!!  Yay me?

I’m actually kind of sad about that, not because I want anymore children, but because after the lawsuit or news stories, I would be as rich as midas.  Are you confused yet?  So am I.  Maybe this story would be better told with less sarcasm?  Let’s go back to December 4, 2019.

Wednesday, December 4, 2019

I am sitting up on a hospital bed answering the 1000 pre op questions I have been asked before, like it’s just another day. ( After more than 50 surgeries, it does feel just like any other day).

Nurse: I’m going to need a urine sample, and then we will get your IV started.

Grace:  For a pregnancy test?  No need, I had a hysterectomy over 15 years ago.

Nurse:  Was it a total hysterectomy?  I mean did they remove your ovaries also.

Grace: Um no but……

Nurse:  Then we still need to do the test.  While the chances are like 1 in a million, it can still happen.

As I am thinking, “Have you met me?!?!?!?  I am the queen of being 1 in a million”, it dawns on me that next Friday is Friday the 13th, and I start to feel sick.  Not because I am superstitious, but because I have two children. I found out I was pregnant with both of them on Friday, December 13th.  ( 1990 and 1996)

It really doesn’t matter that multiple nurses blew my veins multiple times trying to start an IV.  (I have a port for that reason)  It doesn’t matter that the anesthesia they were trying to use didn’t knock me out for 15 mins.  (Burned like hell, but wouldn’t put me out)  It doesn’t even matter that although the doctor was able to repair a lot of the damage in my knee, I am still going to need a partial knee replacement…..

At least I wasn’t pregnant.  SMH

Want to take a break and come back in a minute?  Believe it or not, I’m not even halfway done with this WTF story.

I spent the rest of the week in bed with my knee above my head attached to an ice machine.  I was able to walk (slowly) within a couple days and the pain was minimal.  I was even able to drive to Einstein’s within the week.

Friday the 13th came and went.   I am still not pregnant!!!  So life is good right?

HA HA HA HA

Saturday, Friday the 14th

Maybe I am a little superstitious, but not about the 13th.  I have had several bad experiences on Saturday the 14th (any month) that have even included being arrested.  Yes I have been arrested before, but that’s a whole different story, which ironically does have to do with me getting pregnant.  :O  Let’s stick with this Saturday the 14th though.

I am leaving the kitchen at Einstein’s and I kick or trip over the 1 inch lip at the bottom of the dog gate.  Oh Fuck, I know I am going down…. NOT MY KNEE NOT MY KNEE!!!!!!

The good news….. I didn’t land on my knee.

The not so good news ……I can’t get up.

While going to get my wheelchair from the other room, Einstein jokes, “why did you put this away already?”  NOT FUNNY!  I am in so much pain, I start to cry.  I really can’t stand up.  Einstein had to pick me up to put my in the chair.

High Ho, High Ho, off to the doctor we go……. smh

Before scrolling down, care to guess the diagnosis?

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While waiting for the xrays to come back, I am imagining the worst.  foot-top

Did I fuck up last years surgery on this foot?

(You know the one where they put a plate and screws in my right foot?)

Earlier this year, I fell while holding my grandson and broke the lag bolt while trying not to hurt him…

BREAKER OF TITANIUM….

not quite as cool as Mother of Dragons, but applicable nonetheless.

 

Ready for the verdict?

I broke the 3rd and 4th metatarsals.  (the long bones in the middle of your foot)  I don’t remember the terminology  “the breaks appear to be clean”.  With luck I am in a non weight bearing cast for a couple of months and that is it.  I see the orthopedic doctor on Thursday to see if the swelling has gone down enough for a hard cast and hear his opinion about surgery.

Please keep your fingers crossed for me.  I am truly feeling that if it wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all.  But hey at least I’m not pregnant?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Italian Adventure part 1 of 5?

Before I begin to talk about my “Italian adventure”, it is important that I stress that all of my travel plans were with airline buddy passes.  If you aren’t familiar with these, let me briefly explain.  When you travel using a BUDDY PASS (an employee benefit), you are able to fly for free or dirt cheap on flights that have unsold seats, but you are on standby. This means you don’t know if you have a seat on the plane until moments before the doors on the plane close.  I was aware of this before I started my trip.

Monday morning 5/20/2019

I woke up at 5 am. (actually I think 5 am is more the time I gave up trying to sleep, and began moving.) I “Coffeed”, showered, put on a DRESS , and…wait for it….a little bit of make-up. This is another thing about the buddy passes, you have to “dress up” . I threw a couple of last minute items in my carry on, TRIPLE CHECKED that I had my boarding pass, passport, and bus ticket for when I arrived in Italy. Check, check, and check.

I checked the standby list and was still at number 2 (my chances were good that I would make it on the plane.) Whooo hoooo!!!!

My dear friend Brian arrived at 7 am to take me to the airport. We spent the hour plus drive catching up on all the things that had been happening in our lives since the last time we were able to “hang out”, almost a year ago. Traffic wasn’t bad, in fact we arrived early. He dropped me off at a door that had wheelchair access and assistance was just inside the door. ANOTHER win.

I checked a large suitcase.  Having a medical condition makes traveling for any amount of time with just a carry on, very impractical.  ( Pads, diapers, waterproof pads, medication, surgery shoe, etc)

Going through security was a breeze, other than a small oversight on my part which COULD have been very embarrassing. I was able to STAND in the scanning machine instead of having to be completely felt up. I didn’t have to take off the boot, and the lines were relatively short. WIN WIN! The moment that could have been embarrassing was when they had to open and inspect my carry on because I forgot to remove my laptop. DOH!

I arrived at my gate at 9:15 and immediately checked the standby list again. Number 17?!?!?!? What the hell had happened in the last 2 hours? Did everyone suddenly feel the urgent need to travel to Milan?

After people watching (active listening) for about half an hour, it was more than obvious that the standby list was going to continue to grow. The 9 am flight to NJ (My first stop) was cancelled because of the storms that were pounding the east coast.  So all of the customers that missed the 9 am flight would be squeezed onto later flights.

As a NON PAYING CUSTOMER, getting me on a plane was of very little importance to anyone but me.  Ok, I knew this COULD happen, let’s make the best of it. I chatted with several other passengers which made the time pass pretty quickly.  I looked up other flights that were leaving for NJ, and there were several, before my flight from NJ to Milan would leave at 6:30 pm.   Chicago to NJ is a 3 hour flight, and there were flights leaving at 10:00 am, 11:30 am (my flight) and 2:15 pm that would allow me to make it to NJ on time.  CLOSE, but still on time.

I waited at the airport and watched the 10:00 and 11:30  flights depart without me.  The airline personal said that it was only going to get worse, and may feed over into the next day. I was number 45 on the standby cue for 2:15, so  at 2 pm I  “gave up”. Again, I KNEW this COULD happen but  I certainly didn’t expect it.  I had asked my friend Marisa a couple of weeks ago if she would pick me up if ended up stuck.  I made the bail me out call now.

She picked me up from the airport and we went back to her house where I could use my laptop to explore any other options that might be available. During this time I began searching the airlines for flights to NEW YORK, PA, or Dulles that might allow me to still make a connection to Newark in time for the 630 flight to Milan. While I could fly from O’hare to any of the other states without issue, the lists for flights into NJ were all full.  Hmmmm what if I rented a car and drove to NJ from one of the other airports?  Probably not a good idea considering my right (driving foot is still in a boot).  It’s one thing to drive with my left foot  on country roads where I know how to avoid the traffic, but not very smart and probably illegal to do in a big city.

After researching all the options, we decided that I might as well try to catch one of the 4 other flights to NJ that night.  The flight to Milan had over 30 seats available for the next 2 days, so if I could at least get to NJ, half the battle would be won. I would just need to stay in Newark for the night.  ( yay hotel points)  So back to the airport we went.  If I didn’t get on one of the flights, Marisa would come back and get me at 9:30 pm and I would just crash at her place.

The trip through security this time did not go as smoothly.  (not terrible, just not smooth)Inkedbody scan_LI

While I remembered to take my laptop and tablet out of my carry on bag this time, I forgot to take off my sweatshirt, and to remove my cigarettes and lighter from my pocket.

So this is how I appeared on the scanner. ( lighter on my hip and zipper from my sweatshirt in my groin)

The sweatshirt and cigarettes had to go back through the x-ray machine, and the poor TSA agent had to reach between my legs.  She grabbed the poise pad I was wearing and asked, “what is this?” As we looked into each other’s eyes….We had a moment…. kidding.  I said ” a pad”, she said, Ok” . Kind of awkward :/ .

She finished her inspection of me. I re-packed all the items as quickly as possible in my carry on bag  and quickly moved away.  10 minutes later I realized that I had not recovered my cigarettes and lighter.  YES, we had to turn around.  No one in security could find them, so I shrugged it off :(.  As we were approaching my gate, the security girl came running up to me with my cigarettes and lighter.  This time, we did have a moment.  I even told her I loved her 🙂

When we arrived at the gate, I immediately checked the standby list and learned that I was number 33.  😦  I spent the next hour and a half catching up with the “new friends” I had made earlier in morning ( the other people that were stuck at the airport).  At 6:10 I heard one of their names being called to make the flight (#8) and went over to “congratulate” him.  As I leaned against the counter, I felt something move behind me.  It was his laptop falling off of the counter.

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(This is not his laptop, but it did look as bad as this 😦 )

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What had I done?!?!?!  How do you apologize for something like that?  He said, “don’t worry about it”, as he picked up the pieces and rushed to board the plane.  How do you not worry about it??!?!?  OMG I was going to go to hell for this.  I was going to be stuck in the airport for days. I was…… hearing my name being called.  I had made the flight!  The other 20 something people between this man and I had given up, or found another alternative.  I was actually boarding the plane!

Have you ever flown standby?  Do you have any security mishaps you’d like to share?  I would love to hear your stories!

 

 

 

It’s the principle … Tenacious Grace

I have had a very difficult time coming up with a title for this one.  I have had to repeat the story in my head several times, all the while SHAKING IT side to side repeatedly,  to make sure I am not overlooking something.  I have also had to discuss it with a couple close friends that could handle the exorbitant amount of swearing that came out of my mouth as I told yet another, “I’m getting screwed” story.

Now that I have “tamed” my vocabulary a bit, I feel that I NEED to share this story.  I need others to know that the way I am being treated isn’t right, and that I am going to Fight for myself.  I hope if you find yourself in a similar situation you fight for yourself too.

Here’s the story…

At the beginning of April, I received the  annual email from the IL Secretary of State’s office stating  “you have not yet renewed your Illinois license plate registration which expires 4/30/2019″… yeah yeah I know, more bills.

On April 7th, I decided I might as well get it over with and send my payment.  ( Two things you can’t avoid Death and Taxes Right?)  and hey……They even let you pay it online for a $3.00 convenience fee…whoopy!  I clicked the link in the email and was directed to their website.  While I was there I learned about the state’s Benefit Access Program, which they say  “allows for the Secretary of State’s office to provide for a reduced-fee license plates aimed toward senior citizens and persons with disabilities with specific qualifications.”   Ok THIS part did excite me.  (If your sole income is from Social Security disability, you really know what I am talking about).

I attempted to apply for the BAP, but kept receiving error messages.  It appeared that that part of their website was down.  (How convenient?)  Shrug, well I had to renew my plates anyway and the website said,

If you have already renewed your license plate sticker and paid full price, and are now part of the Benefit Access Program, you may be eligible to request a refund. Call the Secretary of State’s Office at 800-252-8980 for more information.

so I went ahead and paid for my plates.

On Monday, I went back to the BAP’s website, jumped through their hopes and surprise, surprise…. I qualified.  (not surprised at all). page 1

Next step ask for a refund.

I tried to apply for a refund online.  For some reason that didn’t work….website down again?….hmmmm? So I called the number listed above.  The woman I talked with said, it must just be too soon, give it a couple days and try again.  Ok did that.  Same problem.  SO, I called again.  I talked to the same person (yes I do keep track of dates, times, and names of people I talk to after learning the hard way it is a necessity).  During this second call she said that she would submit the information for review for me.  I thanked her and assumed the matter was closed.

IT wasn’t.

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HUH?!?!?!?!?

Remember this statement…..

If you have already renewed your license plate sticker and paid full price, and are now part of the Benefit Access Program, you may be eligible to request a refund. Call the Secretary of State’s Office at 800-252-8980 for more information.

This statement is from their website!!!!!

I feel like they should have included the free “how to keep an idiot busy keychain”

idiots busy

 

 

You know the one that has

<– written on both sides….

 

 

Ok so ANOTHER phone call.

This time the person I spoke with said, ” Oh you will have to download the required forms and send your sticker back to be reviewed”  Huh?!?!  I said…

  • HUH?!?!?
  • I have to return this sticker to buy this same sticker again?!?!?!
  • You can’t just issue a credit?
  • You do realize that it is almost the end of the month and I need to have a sticker on my car to avoid a ticket or penalty right?!?!?!?
  • Can I go to the DMV and return the sticker to buy another sticker?
  • @#%$#^#%&#^%&&&&&

Her response was, ” Um yeah it is a bad system.  Would you like me to send you the forms?”

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…………………..  Uh, yes please?

Since that call, I have been to the DMV…they can’t help.  I have received and filled out these forms

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The forms, along with my sticker, are going in the mail today.  I can not purchase another sticker for my car (believe me I have tried) yet the only way I MIGHT get a refund is if I sent my sticker back and hope they have mercy on me?!?!?!?

So what do you think will happen next?  Will I be arrested or ticketed for not having a current sticker?  Will they refund me?  Will this game of cat and mouse ever end?

Just for shits and grins I googled why we have laws and this is what I found….

Laws protect our general safety, and ensure our rights as citizens against abuses by other people, by organizations, and by the government itself. We have laws to help provide for our general safety.

So who protects you when your government is the ones screwing you?

Have you ever experienced similar red tape?  I would love to hear about it!