So Thursday’s post op visit with the surgeon didn’t quite go as expected.  That isn’t to say I am disappointed with the results, it’s just that he said something  I NEVER expected to hear….. EVER….

My friend Jeri picked me up and we, well she, drove to the doctor.  My appointment was at 2:45, we where shown to a room at 3:45.  (not bad as far as orthopedic visits go)  I climb onto the table and the nurse begins asking me what my pain levels are.  This is a trick question I am sure, because if I don’t walk on it and keep it elevated, my pain is pretty low on the scale.  After I have been walking around a bit, or letting my foot hang down too long it climbs quickly.  I told the truth…. kind of… I left out the part that I had been standing alot.

Do you want more pain pills?

I quickly answered, “NO!!!!!”, and pulled out the bottle of remaining pills that I had asking if she wanted them back.  I can not stress enough, that I really don’t like the way the make me feel ( mood swings, maniac, nauseated etc.)  and I NEED to be able to feel the pain to prevent me from overdoing things.  I agreed to take Tylenol over the counter as needed.  (in my opinion, advil is better at pain relief, but since I am a bleeder and it’s a blood thinner, I will stay away for now)

I took off the boot, the nurse removed the dressing, I took a quick picture, and then looked away.  The doctor, and a student came in shortly after.  As he pulled up a chair beside me to examine the stitches, he asked, “Did your father tell you what we found?”… I replied “um no, not really, he didn’t tell me that you FOUND anything, but what he did tell me was…… “So the doctor took off your big toe, reamed holes in your foot and then your toe, they put in a stud and then screwed your big toe back on”.”  The doctor looked at the medical student and then back at me.  He said, well “Yeah, that’s basically what we did”.

After seeing the horrified look on my face, he said, “No seriously though, let me tell you what we found.”  “When I made the incision, two toe mice immediately popped out.”

ANOTHER Horrified look

“Toe Mites?”, I asked.

“No Toe Mice” he responded. and then continued,  “It’s a medical term that we use to describe what we found.”

I really wish I had a picture of my face, because I can’t find the words to describe all of the things I was feeling at this point.

“Cmon doc, PLEASE tell me the truth, I am gullible as hell and completely disgusted that I have mice?!?!?!? My next step is to cry and I promise you don’t want that”.

He put his hand on my shoulder and said, “let me explain.”  “First of all young lady, I can not believe that you were able to walk at all with the amount of damage in your foot.  You had absolutely zero cartilage in your first metatarsal joint.”  He pounded his fists together to demonstrate the bones hitting each other as I walked.  He went on to explain that because I continued walking the bones starting splitting and breaking off into fragments (or mice).  This had been happening for so long that the bones had turned into smooth marbles and kept chipping away more bone.  The combination of those conditions, my unsteady gait, and whatever I was doing to compensate in my walking caused another break.

WOW that’s a lot of information.  Crazy as hell too, but a lot to absorb.

As I tried to process what he was saying, he re-wrapped my foot in gauze and an ace wrap before sticking it back in the boot.  While he says the incision is healing nicely, I am stuck with the stitches for another week still, but I am released to begin ADL in moderation.

ADL- Activities of Daily Living

Should be simple enough right? But for me it wasn’t….please take a minute to watch this video to understand why, especially if you don’t know me very well.

So this is what Jeri and I were doing BEFORE we saw the doctor.  I get that I can’t use my right foot, so I thought we could just throw the ball and knock the beehive down.  I didn’t realize that to get any “air” with the ball I would have to push off with……you guessed it, My foot….holy mother of……………………………

I was ready to give up, but Jeri was having fun, so I played video  ographer…..

Anyway, I’m not sure that this is considered an activity of daily living, but since I do dumb shit like this all the time, I asked for further clarification.  More specifically….

I am allowed to….

1. stand/or walk for no more than 5 minutes at a time.  to be followed by a minimum of 1/2 hour break  AND ONLY WITH THE BOOT ON

2. Take the boot off except for when walking or sleeping

3. I can resume sexual activities, so long as my toes don’t curl during orgasm (yes this was discussed)

I am not allowed to

• Curl my toes
• get the stitches wet
• put any weight on my foot without the boot
• specifically throw a ball at a bee hive
• mow my lawn
• go grocery shopping without a scooter
• drive 😦

I will call that progress……though not as much as I hoped