Category: Random rants

Better than I was yesterday

~ msgracefulnot ~ 32 Comments

I overthink!…. it’s true.  I OVERTHINK about EVERYTHING ALL the time!!!  So much so that I get lost in my brain playing devil’s advocate, trying to make sure I am seeing all sides of a situation.  I was in a funk this morning and couldn’t shake it,  I didn’t even have a known reason.  Then I turned on the camera, and started talking to myself.  I did a “brain dump”.

After making this video, before actually uploading it, I called a very wise, honest new friend of mine and asked him to help me “get out of my head”.  I felt like he listened to me ramble without judgment, and then I listened to him.  He gives good advice! Lots of advice, but good advice.  Thank you for that “Superman”!!!!

Anyway the moral of all of this, is that I want to be a better person.  I’m not saying that I am a bad person, but I want to be better than I was yesterday.  Sometimes I really hate that I overthink everything, but maybe its the overthinking that will get me there?

What started all of this…. I belong to many Facebook groups for people dealing with Chronic Illness, more specifically Multiple Sclerosis.  Yesterday in one of the groups someone posted a picture of a “nasty note” that was left on their car, saying something to the effect of “you don’t look sick, why are you taking a spot that someone who is sick needs?”  The note was much more harsh than that, but I think you get my point?  Anyway, the person posted the picture of the note saying, “because people suck”.  I assume she was hurt and just wanted to vent, and was looking for support.  Ok I get it…kind of….  What I don’t get though is why of the 409 emoji’s and comments that followed on the thread, I was one of the few that simply replied, “I am sorry that happened to you”.  People started sharing their own stories about how much people suck and the cocky comments they respond to people with like, “Well maybe I don’t look sick, but you don’t look stupid!”  (no offense, but after saying that and “showing your ass” to me, you kind of do)  Why does one wrong make a right?  Someone said or did something to hurt you and it’s automatically ok to hurt them back?!?!??!  I don’t get it.  Why not be better than them?  Why not be stronger than them?

What really set me off about the thread of comments, was one woman talking about how her 9 year old “told off” someone that confronted her when she was questioned for parking in the handicap spot.  Seriously?!~?~!?  Why didn’t she pull her child aside and say, “Some people just don’t get it”?  Why didn’t she take this as a learning opportunity for her child to NOT Be judgmental and filled with hate?  Why did no one in this thread, suggest that to her?  I chose not to comment on the thread further because I realize that I will not “fix” everyone.  Honestly, I don’t have the time or energy for that.  But I also know that I don’t want to feed into that either.

In the 20 years that I have lived with MS, and however many years I have used a handicap parking placard, I have been confronted numerous times both verbally and in writing that I don’t LOOK disabled. Shrug…. Ok?  Do you feel better after saying that to me?  I literally just shrug and walk away.  Sometimes I TRY to smile first, sometimes I don’t.  Again….SHRUG.  Occasionally, I will attempt to educate someone that not all disabilities are visible, but most of the time I smh and walk away.

People wonder why their is so much hate and anger in the world, yet they feed into it themselves.  I know that I will be confronted again, I can not control that, but I can control how I react to it. I CAN BE A BETTER ME!!!!

Here is another link to the video of my “brain dump” if you would care to watch.

Thank you again to “superman” for letting me unload this morning!.  Treadmill time.  Busy Busy weekend here.  I hope everyone is able to stay warm this weekend 🙂

Pushing my buttons…. battle of the sexes

~ msgracefulnot ~ 27 Comments

OMG, I don’t even know where to start!!!!!!  Have you ever had a “battle, argument, disagreement or whatever” with someone that started as a somewhat serious issue, but just turned into the most laughable, ignorant thing ever.   I am having so much trouble finding the words…… but Einstein has done it again…...DAMN BUTTON PUSHER!!!!

Ok So here’s the thing…. I am very very organized and have OCD about the cleanliness of my house….. most importantly things NOT being left on the floor.  I can, and frequently do, trip on air, and have broken many bones from falling etc.  ( to be honest though, I have probably always been OCD)  Either way, I hate things on the floor!!!!!

Einstein has an issue with ….you guessed it leaving things on the floor….most notably his laundry.  I have two hampers set up in our bedroom, the black one for his work clothes and the white one for everything else.  They are both right outside the bathroom, with absolutely no obstacles in their way.  So why can’t he hit the fucking thing?!??!!  There is not just one but TWO of them!!!!!  20180107_125708

Silly me thinking maybe he hadn’t been taught how to use a hamper in his lifetime, even made signs for the hampers.  I gave him a two minute instructional lecture on how to take off dirty clothes and place them in the hamper.  I have attempted to show him how easy it is to drop wet towels from his shower right into the basket.  NOTHING WORKS!!!!  Einstein is not ignorant in away way.  If nothing else, the fact that he is so successful at work, proves this.  SO Why the hell can’t he hit the hamper?!?!?

Ok, we are getting older, maybe his eyesight is starting to fail.  Maybe the fact that he has too many choices is overwhelming for him.  So I took ONE HAMPER and put it RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR BEDROOM thinking “he can’t miss this”….  I come home to this…..

laundry goes inside the hamper
Laundry goes INSIDE the hamper

are you fricking kidding me?!?!??!  He took the time to lay his pants on one side, his tshirts on another and so on and so on.  ( I staged this picture, because I can’t find the original one from maybe 3 years ago)…. Yes 3 years ago!!!!  We are still having this battle!!!!!

I have tried not washing his clothes if he doesn’t hit the hamper.  ( apparently the smells from the chemicals he gets on his clothing bother me more than him though)  I have tried hamper relocation, purchasing multiple hampers etc. and am now at my wits end.  Last week after actually falling on his clothes,  I “snapped”.  I took blue painters tape, and outlined the “common areas” of our bedroom.  I told him, “If you insist on leaving your clothes on the floor, do it outside of the COMMON AREAS.  The common area is now outlined to help make this clear for you.”…… The tape is making him nuts, but he still can’t hit the hamper.  (to be honest it is kind of making me nuts too, but I really don’t know what else to do)… a bit of passive aggressiveness here….  This is what the bedroom floor looks like this morning……..20180107_125613

So now I guess I wait?   I told him that I was going to make a blog post about this.  Maybe he thinks no one will read it.  Maybe he thinks everyone will just think I am crazy?  I don’t know, but there it is….Evidence to be used against me for when I finally lose it?  To all the woman out there…… help?

….to all the guys……. Is this a guy thing?

to all the doctors (psychiatrists) ……..why does he push my buttons

and more importantly why do I let him?!?!??!

This blog is MEANT to be funny.  I can’t very well dispose of his body now that I have shared this story with the world, (and I have removed the “body” I outlined on the floor in tape) but maybe I can Push his buttons a bit, by showing him that I did indeed make a blog about this and people actually read it?  Please like this, comment, share etc.  at the very least smile and know that there is someone out there more messed up than you 😛

 

 

Did you really just say masturbate?

~ msgracefulnot ~ 28 Comments

This morning Einstein sent me a text saying, “Seriously, you told your FATHER, I took your joy……” .  and the COFFEE went EVERYWHERE!!!! On my desk, keyboard, down my shirt, literally everywhere.  Let me explain…..

First of all, Einstein does NOT text very often at all.  When he does, it is usually to remind me of something he is sure I will forget to do, or something of that nature.  But he NEVER EVER texts when he is working, because he is that focused on work while he is on the clock.  (I may get the occasional “morning break text” asking me to bring up lunch at 11:30, but again NOT EVER while he is on his company’s dime)  So the text that came in at 7:30 today was completely unexpected.  More unexpected though was the topic and why was he thinking about THAT at THAT time. For those of you that are not familiar with “Joy” let me refer you to my earlier post…..Trying to find “Joy”.

joy

When I wrote about “Joy”, I thought I was pretty obvious in sharing that I might have possibly considered using “Joy” to masturbate, without actually SAYING it.  Some people got the joke, others didn’t, but there it is.  “Joy” is hands down the best female masturbation tool ever invented!!!!!! Cough cough…. and yes I did tell my Father that Einstein disconnected it when it broke and wouldn’t let me fix it.  I said, “Dad, I have this thing that I use for this and I call it Joy.  Einstein won’t fix it for me, and I’m not sure if I should try glue, or a stainless steel screw or…..what…any ideas?”  My father said, “hit Einstein up against the head with it before you try to fix it, but then try both things you mentioned.”  Ok cool Thanks Dad!!!! and that was it.  It wasn’t strange to be honest with my dad.  Why should it be?  The man has seen me stumble and fall so many times.  He knows that I am human and that I have to learn everything the hard way, but apparently this is not something you should talk to your parents about?!?!?!  Now that you have the back story, let me go back to COFFEE EVERYWHERE….

Once I composed myself, and cleaned up the coffee, I responded, “Of Course I did!  Don’t think about him as my FATHER…. I told him as my FRIEND.”…..Einstein has yet to respond…..lol  However, his comment made me realize that it had been almost a week since I called my Dad and “yelled at him” for making me be this awkward, outspoken, headstrong, loving, UNIQUE, opinionated person that I am today, so I called him.  It was a good chat.

I really love my parents!  I have spent most of the day brainstorming a post about how awesome my parents are, but as usual I got distracted.  In an effort to be even 1/4 of the kind of parent to my daughter that my parents are to me, I have spent the day 3-d printing “gears” for my daughter’s wedding centerpieces, and learning how to design “games” using CANVA for her bridal shower next week.  (I really want to share what I came up with, but I’m still trying to learn what is ok to share with the world without violating other’s privacy.)  And I suppose I should not link a post about my parents, my kid’s wedding, and masturbation all in one….whoops

I hope everyone had an enjoyable weekend!  I will work on getting the bridal shower/wedding posts approval, and a tribute to my ‘horrible parents’ this week.  To all of you on the East coast, I hope you are not struggling too much from the blizzard.  I am planning a trip to Boston in April, do you think they will have it all cleaned up by then? 😛

 

 

Not winning the mother of the year award

~ msgracefulnot ~ 13 Comments

I will NOT be winning the “Mother of the Year” Award this year.  Before you read please note that no children or animals were actually injured during the making or telling of this story….. I’m just a Dumbass?

Apparently this is a true story, but I have no recollection of the story or leaving her at the store.

How this was brought to my attention:

The other evening my youngest daughter (THING 2) and her boyfriend came over for dinner.  I don’t know why our dinner conversations always turn into a “Let’s roast Grace” night, but they do.  I am completely ok with that though, since it is cheaper than sending everyone to counseling, and I’m usually very good at laughing at myself.

Halfway through the meal, for some reason

Thing 2 says ” Well I can tell you one thing for sure, when I am a parent, I WILL NEVER leave my daughter at Walmart.”

Grace:  I didn’t leave you at Walmart. I told you to get out of the car because you were being a monster and I couldn’t deal with it anymore.  I let you out, and drove to the back of the parking lot.

Thing 2 :  No mom, we were in the store and you walked outside and moved the car to make me think you left me there.

Grace:  What are you talking about THING 2 ?!?!?  I didn’t even go in the store with you, you were being a bratty teenager so I dropped you off and said I wasn’t going in.

Thing 2:  No MOTHER, I was 8 years old, and you walked out of the store leaving me there.

Grace:  No way would I ever have left you.  I do see me walking away if you were throwing a tantrum, but I wouldn’t have left.

Thing 2:  Okay so you didn’t ACTUALLY leave me there, but you did go outside and you DID move the car.

Grace:  Hmmm I don’t remember that.  It is possible.  But I don’t remember.

At this point Einstein and Thing 2’s boyfriend are joining in the harassment (comical, but still harassing)

Grace:  Well I don’t remember that at all, but I was talking about the time when I told you to get out of the car at Walmart because you were being a bratty teenager, and I wasn’t going in the store with you.

Thing 2:  shrug… You’re right I was a brat.  I still am, but you still shouldn’t leave your kids at the store…and you DID leave “Thing 1” there

Grace:  OMG Thing 2, What the hell are you talking about?!?!? 

Einstein wants to hear when I left HIS daughter at the store

Thing 2:  You went shopping with Thing 1 and left her there.

More harassing about my parenting skills from Einstein and Thing 2’s boyfriend.  ( please remember that both of my girls are in their 20s now and were NOT abused as children)

Grace:  Ok, quit picking on me.  I HAVE NEVER LEFT MY CHILDREN IN A STORE!….

Thing 2:  Yes mom you did.  You WENT to the store WITH Thing 1, finished your shopping and got it the car to go home.  While you were driving, Thing 1 called you and asked where you were.  You told her that you were just driving home from shopping at Walmart…. you completely forgot that you had taken her with you and you LEFT HER there.

Grace: Silence…followed by NO??????…. more silence….No fricking way!

Thing 2:  Do you want me to call Thing 1 to ask her?

Did I mention NO Fricking way in hell I forget that I had gone shopping with my kid, let alone EVER leave one of them at a store?!?!?  Einstein and Thing 2’s boyfriend started chanting …”Do it…Do it…Call thing 1 NOW!!!!

Grace:  Yes go ahead and call her.  SMH…..

Thing 2 dialed the phone and put Thing 1 on speaker….

Thing 1: Hello

Thing 2: Hi thing 1, do you remember when you went shopping with mom and she left you at the store?

Thing 1: Yeah, Why?

Grace: Seriously?!?!?!?  NO FUCKING WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She said “Yeah, why?” like it’s something I did all the time.  Apparently, a couple years ago, we went to Walmart TOGETHER, got separated, and I didn’t think anything of it.  I finished my shopping and went home.  When I was halfway home she sent me a text saying “where are you” (meaning in the store) and I responded ” I just finished shopping at Walmart, and I’m on my way home”…..

Thing 1:  Um Mom, did you forget that I went to Walmart with you?

I am still shaking my head about this.  I honestly don’t remember the event at all, and I would think that it would be one of my bigger fuck ups.  The girls have no reason to lie though.  I guess I won’t be getting a mother of the year award anytime soon.  😦

Have any of you ever done something you can not possibly fathom you doing and don’t have recollection of? ( without influence of drugs or alcohol)  Please share your story with me!!!!!  Misery loves company….. I should add that later that same day Thing 1 sent me this meme….different mom

 

 

“Renaming my children”

~ msgracefulnot ~ 15 Comments

Will someone “name” my children for me?

I have a story that I want to share sooooo badly, but it involves my children.  I don’t use MY real name when I write, and I believe I should show them the same respect so as to not cause them a further need for counseling.  JOKING!!! Kind of….

Anyway I can’t use their initials because: ONE that would be too obvious and TWO their initials are basically the same.  Hell even a third reason… because after my oldest daughter gets married next year their initials WILL be the same.  Well until my youngest daughter sprints off somewhere to get married in the middle of the night on any random day.  ( I HOPE she doesn’t do that, but she does do her own thing on her own terms, so you really never know what to expect)

Ok so initials are out.

“Oldest daughter” and “youngest daughter” are just too many letters to type, and let’s face it, kind of boring too.  Daughter One and Daughter two?…the same thing, with the additional problem of, “Why is she daughter one? Do you love her more? She always gets everything first…..It’s not fair!” blah blah blah.  WELCOME TO BEING A PARENT OF DAUGHTERS!…  If you are “new to my life” my kids are in their 20’s… just an Fyi… but I digress

“Kiddo” doesn’t work when a story involves both of them, and it’s really not personal since at one point or another I call everyone under thirty “kiddo”.

THIS from a person that hates labels?!?!?  Hating labels is the reason I can’t use adjectives to “name” them.  Well the main reason at least.  Both of my children have very strong personalities, but labels don’t really fit them.  My oldest daughter is a bit more focused than my younger daughter about things in general, but I think that is simply because she is older.  My youngest daughter is like a dog with a bone WHEN she chooses to focus.

So now I am back to square one.  What the hell do I “name” my children?

Maybe I let them name themselves?  Both of them at one point or another have told me how much they hated their names, or the way I spelled them.  (of course NOW, 20 YEARS LATER…. they have finally adjusted to them and I can go so far as to say they may even like them)

I did briefly think about just using their real names, but then the paranoia of “OMG you are leading some crazy nutjob pyschopath right to your, or their door kicks in” so that is not an option.  While I TRY to use a filter when I talk, I inevitably end up offending someone for some reason and I never want my kids to have to deal with that.  It’s MY LIFE that I am putting out there for the world to see, not theirs.  So now I am seriously asking for advice.  WHAT DO I NAME MY CHILDREN?